[betts]

From the Washington Post, in which it was postulated that English should have male and female nouns, and readers were asked to assign a gender to a noun of their choice and explain their reason.

The best recent submissions were:

ZIPLOC BAGS-male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

SWISS ARMY KNIFE-male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS-female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

SHOE-male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER-female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up; it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed; and it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

TIRE-male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON-male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.

SPONGES-female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGE-female, because it is always getting hit on.

SUBWAY-male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS-female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER-male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL-female...Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider: It gives man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push he keeps trying.