[TAM]

While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of the femur but she denied any pain. An x-ray revealed a femur facture and the orthopedist was called. It was quite a long wait and I heard the patient call out "nurse come in here". I went to her and she asked me to get her up into her wheelchair, I explained to her that her leg was broken and she needed to stay in bed. She replied very seriously "only one of them is broken I can still scoot around in my chair now get me up out of this bed!"

[TAM]

A young man being told by the surgeon he needed to have an operation questions the surgeon "are you going to have to cut me?"

[Bellacarla]

Then there was this lady coming into the OB/GYN that wanted a "snap smear"......
needless to say, there was some patient teaching to be done!!!

[TAM]

then, there was a young lady in the OB/GYN office for a routine exam and the physician inquired "are you sexually active?"
The lady replied "no, I usually just lay there"

[MrMcPhysto]

While discharging a woman diagnosed with back strain, she asked how can I wake up with a back strain. I told her it was probably something she did before she went to sleep. Her boyfriend pulled me to the side and asked if sex could cause back strain. I said it might agravate it but probably wouldn't cause it. He said "I keep telling her to put her legs down, but she just won't do it."

[connie bell]

I work in a pediatric/nicu unit. One of our infants was premature and had not adequately developed the sucking reflex. The parents went home for the evening and the mom was going to pump her breasts. Once home the dad called back frantic. States that his wife had begun to pump when they noticed something red in the bottle. Explained that if her nipples were cracked that it might be a small amount of blood and not to worry. The next dad when the two had arrived, the mom pulled the nurse aside. Said she just had to ask, although she did not believe what her husband had told her. States that after they had gotten off the phone with us last night that her husband had remembered that for supper they had had several strawberries and he had wondered if that was what was in her milk. We wanted to reply yes, but from now on you should stick to blueberries since most infants prefer blueberry milkshakes!!

[connie bell]

I work in a pediatric/nicu unit. One of our infants was premature and had not adequately developed the sucking reflex. The parents went home for the evening and the mom was going to pump her breasts. Once home the dad called back frantic. States that his wife had begun to pump when they noticed something red in the bottle. Explained that if her nipples were cracked that it might be a small amount of blood and not to worry. The next dad when the two had arrived, the mom pulled the nurse aside. Said she just had to ask, although she did not believe what her husband had told her. States that after they had gotten off the phone with us last night that her husband had remembered that for supper they had had several strawberries and he had wondered if that was what was in her milk. We wanted to reply yes, but from now on you should stick to blueberries since most infants prefer blueberry milkshakes!!

[AKUBRA]

As a student midwife a few years ago, it was my job to admit a woman who had been admitted to the delivery suite to be induced that morning.
As part of the admission process, it was neccessary to ask her if she understood why she had been admitted.
"Oh yes, nurse, " she replied earnestly. "I'm here to be seduced by the doctor . . . . ."

I had to insert a foley catheter on a gentleman in his 70's. He had an enlarged prostate gland, and I ended up having to change tactics and insert a slightly smaller foley with much manipulation of the necessary parts. I was very relieved when the darn thing finally struck gold and urine pored out. Just as I gained success, the patient said "Well young lady, no matter how hard you yank at that thing, nothing is going to happen....and hasn't in years!

Scene: Waiting Room with view to Nurses Station. Several patients are waiting in a small rural hospital ER waiting room.

An indignant 60ish lady says in an impatient voice "Nurse! Nurse!" I stop what I am doing and politely say "Yes?" She whines forcefully "I have been waiting a long time. When will I be seen!" I ask, "How long have you been waiting out there" She relies
"I have been waiting 15 minutes!"
(Spoiled Rural Patient Strikes Again)