[hosa32726]

During my 30 years in Emergency Medicine, I have seen and heard many dumb statements from patients visiting the ER. However, when I relocated to a rural hospital, this patient took the "Dumber than Dumb" prize.


This 28 year old gentleman arrived to the ED with a laceration to his forehead and was obviously intoxicated. When I proceeded to obtain a triage H&P, he stated, “I was in woods riding my four-wheeler with the full moon in the sky, when all of a suddenly I crashed into a tree that was not there last week!”

I look straight in his eye and told him, “Jack must have bought some magic beans and planted them last night” while trying to avoid choking on my gum.

To add to his level of his intelligence, he finished our session by asking, “Where did Jack get his beans, I need to buy some to replace the other trees from last week!”

[NicoleERRN]

Well, i dont know if this qualifies but.. We have a pt who i'll say "visits" our ER at least once a week for "chronic untreatable back pain" this pt always lets you know, which room, which nurse and which doc and which drug and how many mg he would like, so you know where this is going.. anyways he always has a different reason for needing trx. this last time was....."

"the garage door was about to fall on my neighbors kid and i dived underneath and threw my back out trying to keep the door off the kid" What can ya say to that?

[Diary/Dairy]

My Mom told me of an intoxicated gentleman who insisted that his eyeball had fallen out, dangling down to his mid-chest level and that he was able to replace it himself....he just came in to have the eyeball checked out.

[hosa32726]

The first thing I would think of is...Darn, the batteries are dead on my remote garage opener!

[callmekipling]

Originally Posted by NicoleERRN

"the garage door was about to fall on my neighbors kid and i dived underneath and threw my back out trying to keep the door off the kid" What can ya say to that?

how about.. upgrade the garage door motor?


Honestly it'd be more convincing if he ran up to the door and held it up standing.. hard to work your back if you're lying on it cos you dove in

[ukstudent]

Man locked is car keys in his running car outside his house. Decided to let the car run all night and see if it ran out of gas. Next morning the car was still running. So he decided to stop the car from running by sucking the gas out of the car with a vacuum cleaner. It caught on fire, the car burnt down (with the keys still locked inside) and the man ended up with second and third degree burns.

[hosa32726]

The car must have great gas milage if it was still running the next morning. Cheaper to call "Pop-A-Lock".

[ERnurse911]

I once had an older gentleman check into the ER because
he had not farted for the past 6 hours and was concerned he would not be able to get to sleep. Imagine the laughs throughout the ER.

[mrsmrsa]

We had a patient whose doctor allowed him to put his own catheter in at home. He came into the clinic and told us he had used hand sanitizer (alcohol gel) instead of KY Jelly for lubrication (Ow!).

Another older gentleman came in and was alarmed at the growth in his throat. He took it out himself at home - but brought it in for biopsy. It was his uvula. (!) I got to explain to him that it was supposed to be there!

[mt.serinity]

working night shift outside New Orleans just after 9/11 - (remember the anthrax situation) - A mother brought a 9 yr old boy to the ER about 2:00am with a complaint of "He just don't feel right". I finally was able to get to them for a detailed triage about 5:00am. nausea? no... cough? no... fever? no... vomiting, diarrhea appetite changes? no... "Do you think it could be the amtrack?" I did not miss a beat and asked if the child had been on a train recently. The mother stated no ( and was very serious)... so I told her it probably was not the amtrack, but we would let the doctor check and see... oh boy...