[Elvish]

See if you can squeeze your nipple and get anything out.

(trying to get a disinterested baby to latch on...)

Please separate your knees so I can check you.

[AfloydRN]

Blow harder- Respiratory. Hurry up and get those pants off- I haven't got all day. I have to restrain you. Drink this or else. Bend over let's get going. I didn't like the way he looked so I drugged him.

[niko1999]

Spread 'em so I can fit this thing in there(referring to fitting a wheelchair between the legs of a sit stand, or putting a pillow between a residents legs)

[spiceyqueen]

on a very slow evening shift, helping guys into bed, i said to one of the guys (a quad)."mate, do you prefer to get get undressed in the chair or on the bed?"didnt realise how bad it sounded till his wife started laughing and asking if am coming on to him or something

[TrickieTam]

I am gonna take your clothes off and look for abnormal places on your body (body audit)

[BJLynn]

"Just relax and this tube will go into your bum a lot easier"

[cvicugirl]

...and after I get it (arterial sheath) out, I'm gonna need to put this big clamp on your groin for a little while...

[burn out]

I am going to insert this tube in your penis...then I am going to stick this tube down your nose..and if you don't leave them alone I going to tie your hands down...did you say you wanted to sign out AMA.

[staceylee67]

"Would you go do my patient" or "Lets go do Mr. Smith" meaning asking the CNA to give him a bath.

[Christie RN2006]

These are hillarious!! I never really thought about how the things I/we say sound to other people!!!