[ukstudent]

Just some things to think about. What is his level of education? Are you about to have a higher level? How much does he make working from home? When you graduate, will you be making more?

For some men, not all, sex is wrapped up in feeling like a man. If he is feeling like he is about to be less of a man because of your education then that could be the stress he is under. Feelings of self worth do not have to be rational.

[JettaDP]

Maybe it isn't the time you put into studying. If he says he is stressed and tired because of work maybe it is a worse problem than he is letting on. I would dig more into what's stressing him out so much at work. He may not be entirely opening up because he doesn't want to "get in the way" of your studying.

But if it is because of the time you spend studying, just remind him that it won't be forever. And as someone else mentioned, just make sure you're fulfilling his other needs AND he is fulfilling yours. You could also try having sex earlier in the night instead of when he is ready for bed and you could just study a bit later in the night.

Good luck!

[mrosev14]

Originally Posted by ukstudent

For some men, not all, sex is wrapped up in feeling like a man. If he is feeling like he is about to be less of a man because of your education then that could be the stress he is under. Feelings of self worth do not have to be rational.

That is a great point. My BF even though he is very modern about the working women and stuff like that, when he graduated college and wasn't able to find a job immediately while I was making a good amount as a nanny our sex life dwindled. He was stressed that I was uncomfortable with his ability to take care of me and be a man. After a long great conversation and some stroking of his ego, all was working in the bedroom.

[dolcebellaluna]

Well this is where I say that sometimes I'm glad I'm in a semi-long distance relationship. My significant other of 4 years lives about 75 miles (1.5 hours in a car) away from me when I'm here at college. I see him about once a week or every other week if things are really hairy with our schedules. Because we make time for each other on the weekends, we also make time for the sex. It's also about prioritizing as well as time management. I know if he's coming over then I need to either get school work done before he comes over or after. He's also very understanding of me doing school work or studying when he's around because he knows how important school is for me. I make sure that we stay in touch and I let him know when I need space. I know this will change when we're living together, but I'll hopefully be out of undergrad by then and when I do go to grad school it will only be part time. Hope this helps. I think it may be useful to schedule things ahead of time so it's easier to look forward to and plan around. Good luck!

[SteveRN21]

I think it is great that here on a nursing board, with many of us in the middle of school, work, life, etc, we can stop and take the time to really talk about something essential to relationships. Caring enough about whether your partner is getting what they need out of the relationship in order to feel stable and strong is an act of selflessness.

No advice here but to work on the relationship first, and the sex will happen. Talk, go out to his favorite restaurant, ask him to help you study, help with the laundry, etc. TALK WHILE DOING STUFF TOGETHER. The real issue will come out, whether it's feelings of resentment, loneliness, etc.

The spontaneity of love comes out when you do the little things that make you remember how much you love being with this person.

[rnmomtobe2010]

I promise I was about to post the exact same thing...

Originally Posted by pharmgirl

Sex? whats sex?

[mrosev14]

It is really unromantic, but I find when we are both really busy and our schedules are hectic, scheduling sex into my planner helps. I have a hard time leaving my work or studies to do fun things, but if it is scheduled in, I work or study around it. My BF is ready to go anywhere at anytime, so whenever I say go, it's on.

[ErinJane]

"Sex? whats sex?"

My sentiments exactly.

[jazz404]

I would be more worried about the issue of your husband not wanting to talk about it - or being bothered by the fact that you want to talk about it. It could be nothing, or it could be something serious. But you will really never know unless there is honest, open commmunication.

If he says that this is a result of his work stress, then why is there any question about your nursing school. I could see if you were studying around the clock and not making time for him - but it sounds like you are making an effort. Just from what you've posted, it sounds like there may be more going on here. I say just keep working at it.

Good luck!

[richardjboro1]

Originally Posted by mrosev14

It is really unromantic, but I find when we are both really busy and our schedules are hectic, scheduling sex into my planner helps. I have a hard time leaving my work or studies to do fun things, but if it is scheduled in, I work or study around it. My BF is ready to go anywhere at anytime, so whenever I say go, it's on.

haha I LOVE this one... schedule.. I can see it now. Monday: study for quiz x from 230-3, clinic makeup 330-5, SEX 5-7, study 7-10 for test.


Also, I'm a guy, but I've actually been getting MORE sex since school started than before! haha. I guess it works both ways.