[RNBSNGRADUATE]

Hello everyone

I'm open to everyone's constructive suggestions concerning the following:

Due to finances I had to sit out a year of school. This was very traumatic for me @ the time -- as I love school and it actually does play a large part of my identity. Not to mention, I had FINALLY got used to some people in my class. The last semester I had with them I experienced the most personal/professional growth ever in my life. For all these reasons I'm sure you can imagine how I felt starting out this year w/a new and unfamiliar class. I am very easy to get along with. Yet, I'm extremely serious about school and do not waste my time/effort on those that are not.

Well, it turns out that this new class I've entered....for the MAJORITY (90 % +) --well, they are more like freshmen in HIGH SCHOOL, not even college.....always talking (and it's the CONTENT of the conversations that is ridiculous...it's like a rerun of E!EntertainmentNews), being disrespectful...taking up valuable class time (when there is never enough to start with) asking questions about things we should have learned 3-4 semesters ago, let alone the day before!

NEEDLESStosay--I do not fit in in this class at all. I have tried...and there are a couple of students that are very serious as well about their grades, etc...but those very few -- are very much a part of that "group/class" --even though they are disgusted by their classmates, they continue to be a part of them, association-wise...and have even admitted they know they are being used by the others..but, they just continue....Well--I truly have no respect for that whatsoever....

I'm not there for a popularity contest, nor to make friends. I am EXceptionally capable of doing my part in ANY group projects (which I hate) and do so b/c you "do what you gotta do"....I am there to do my very best, and it really disgusts me when I have to interact w/others that don't even try....

ANYway-- I guess what I'm soliciting is SUGGESTIONS on HOW to ...just not care about these other ppl in my class and focus on me ...Though I do not care what these ppl think/feel about it -- it is an uncomfortable atmosphere to be in day in/out.....ONE RELIEF is that ...I will have ppl from my original class (graduated this past May) in one of my classes this upcoming semester..it's the hardest of the 4.5 yr curriculum....even the girl w/the highest GPA did not make it the 1st time, UGH...BUT--I'm VERY excited that there will be familiar / friendly faces this coming Fall.

Again--ANY suggestions? I understand it's easy to say -- don't think about them, focus on you, blah blah blah...I know what I HAVE TO DO ...ANY suggestions on HOW?????

THANK you guys for listening (reading) to the rambling! I appreciate it! Look forward to your suggestions!!!

[MBA2BRN]

The best advice from me to you is to change your attitude. I am not giving this advice as a put down so do not take it that way!! I used to have similar kind of trouble with people who were different in behavior then me until I changed my attitude!

I have not changed what I do or how serious I am about school or work or anything else in my life, but I do not think negatively of those whom act or behave differently. In fact, when I have to work with the less stellar students, I take charge and assign them duties I know that he/she can complete. If he/she cannot compete the task, I am able to do it relatively quickly (I know it sounds bad, but its my grade too)!

This is my third career. In my experience what you are experiencing now does not change after graduation. Your attitude will make the difference, not the behaviors of others. With that said, I highly suggest you take some cues from the students who are "disgusted" as you have described yet they seem to fit in better then you do. TRUST ME when I say that those are the kind of people that will make in nursing as well as life. Not people like you who cannot fit into any and every work environment. GL.

[frez]

The only suggestions I have are to try to sit up in front of class I find this helps me focus on the teacher and not the chatters. Just remember that you are there for your education to ultimately meet your goal of becoming a nurse. There are people in every class that can be distracting but try to focus on your goals and you should be fine

Frez

[ukstudent]

I have to agree with MBA2BRN. The only person you have control over is yourself. Forget being disgusted with them, they will be your co-workers in years to come and you will have to learn how to get along with all sorts of personalities, even the slackers. What helped me was doing a personality test and finding out that 90-95% of people do not think like me. After that it was easier to be more understanding when others were less driven than myself. I hope you find something that allows you to come to peace with the fact that this group has a group personality that is at odd's with your own.

[Hopefull2009]

I totally understand where you are coming from. I remember after my Freshman year of college...what a HUGE difference it was between those of my peer group and those that never went that first year....it's not about what you learn in subject matter, it just changes your entire method of thinking.

I would take this as a lesson in life: You are always going to have to work around difficult people, difficult patients, difficult famlies...you need to start NOW learning how to focus on doing the best job you can, dealing with obstacles as they come, and when you have completed your task you can look at yourself HONESTLY in the mirror and say, "I have done my very best."

Think about those of us who are 15, 20 years older than most of the students we are going to class with. I have a 17 year old student in my AP II class (a whiz kid right out of high school), that breathes heavily in an audible "sigh" every time I ask a question in class....do you think I care? Nope...b/c he may be the whiz kid...but my test scores were higher than his...so you can bet I had the last laugh.

Focus on you, and do the best YOU can do, and let go of everyone else that interferes.

[RNBSNGRADUATE]

Thanks everyone for your replies!! Being rather new to allnurses -- I didn't realize I had more than one reply as I did not receive a notice in my email box....a friend had to tell me there was more than one! Again, thank you very much!! Happy and safe 4th of July to you and yours!!

[Survivorsue]

I am an older student, and I agree with Hopefull2009. The maturity level of some students is kind of questionable at times. They have a lot to learn, but us older students have a lot to offer, and that is where I think the difference is. We have more life experiences to draw from in our words and actions, and the young ones are just getting started. They will learn...

[Daytonite]

You know, you are going into a profession that requires you to interact with people. And, I think that I'm getting that you want to do that with your student colleagues. However, you can't get blood out of a turnip and you can't make anyone do something they don't want to do. But, you can always be respectful and cordial. Don't make the mistake of thinking that people who are acting childish aren't making observations of the ways others are treating them. A social group has a strong hold on the people within it and they have to follow the rules of their group in order to retain membership. You'll do much better just respecting their desire to be a group unto themselves and staying quiet, but friendly. How surprised you'll be if one of them approaches you some time with a question!

You made two comments that caught my attention: "it really disgusts me when I have to interact w/others that don't even try...." and "I'm soliciting...SUGGESTIONS on HOW to...just not care about these other ppl in my class". The reason it did was although you were referring to your fellow students, I thought immediately of the many patients I've come into contact with over the years and you will too. Some you won't like; some won't even try to help themselves get better; some will continue to do the same things that are going to land them in the hospital on your nursing unit. And, I'm wondering how you will deal with that. School is just the forerunner of what is out there in the world. So, I wonder if you are really going to be able to cope with what lies ahead of you. How many good future jobs will you quit because you won't like the people you will be working with? These "young" people are going to become the majority in the work place soon enough. I heard a speaker recently at a convention talking about the differences between the different generations of workers. She was fabulous and funny. But she nailed it all down. You seem like a studious person. Seek out this information because the business community has been writing about it. I'm a baby boomer and we're no nonsense get things done kind of people. But Generation Xer's and Yer's are different. Learn the differences. When in Rome. . . And, how can you just not care about people? Nursing is a people industry. You have to find a corner within yourself to care about people. That is just human compassion.

You should experience personal and professional growth every single day of your life. When it stops look around because you're probably dead. Here's some weblinks on teamwork and working in group projects that were put on the Internet by college instructors to help students. Getting along with difficult people is one of the biggest hurdles everyone has to learn. As an RN, you ARE automatically assumed to be a leader and will be expected to comport yourself as such. Biggest headaches I had as a manager was employees who couldn't get along with each other.

• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forming-storming-norming-performing - Tuckman's Stages of Team Development: Forming, Storming, Norming and Performing.
• http://www.csc.calpoly.edu/~sludi/SEmanual/TableOfContents.html - Student Survival Guide to Managing Group Projects. Click on the links to get into the text.
• http://lowery.tamu.edu/Teaming/Morgan1/tsld001.htm - Use of Teams in Classes. A slide show presentation on teamwork, how to create teams and how to work on team projects.
• http://www.usq.edu.au/course/material/mkt2001/teamwork.htm - Teamwork. Site specifically for students to help you in working together in a team.
• http://www.academictutorials.com/teamwork/ - Team tutorial

[llg]

Some of the responses in this thread remind me of something my father used to say to me about my mother when she would be surprised at how ignorant or incompetent some people are. He used to say: "Your mother doesn't have to interact with the general public very much." His comment was a bit patronizing, but it was true. Mom didn't have to deal with people who were very different from her very often. Dad and I did -- and we no longer expected everyone we met to be like us.

I agree that the OP has to learn that she is the one who is different from the majority and learn to live and work in a world where she is the minority. That's difficult for someone who has never had to do that before. She probably grew up in a family and a culture in which most people were like her -- at least enough people anyway that she was able to find friends that were like her. While there were probably some people who were different from her, she was able to either ignore them or look down upon them as being "inferior" in their attitudes and behavior. Either way, she didn't really have to deal with them or rely on them much.

Now she is confronted with having to work closely with people who are culturally different for an extended period of time -- perhaps for the first time of her life. That's difficult when you haven't learned the skills necessary to work in a diverse environment. She must learn to show respect for other people's culture even though she does not "agree" with it. She must learn to respect their wishes and their preferences -- and adjust her behavior so that it "fits" in with theirs. She doesn't need necessarily to "join them," but she needs to function within the larger group and not cause friction.

To the OP ... perhaps thinking of it as simply another form of diversity would help you make adjustments. Just as you would respect another group's religious or ethic differences, you need to make similar accommodations for this group's cultural differences. Instead of looking down on them with disdain (and perhaps letting that disdain show through in your demeanor), approach them as you would someone from a different religion or different country, etc. You would probably be pleasant, polite, respectful, etc. and you would look for the "good" in their culture instead of just focusing on the negatives. You would probably want to learn more about them and hope to learn a few things from them as well. Do the same with your new classmates.

[caliotter3]

I would find a place to sit in the classroom that suited my needs (I tried to get a good place for my tape recorder). Since I commuted from a long distance and was in a different demographic (somewhat older than most of the class), I didn't get a chance or go out of my way to interact with most of my classmates. Most of this was due to the fact that I had many miles to drive and more than one job to deal with. I did not like how some of my classmates acted when we had those awful group projects but I learned to cooperate, be polite, go way out of my way to make things work, and I dealt with it. You should do the same. It is not your job to change the others. When you get on the job, you will find again, that you are in the minority and at work, it might mean your survival on the job. You can not go against the tide. Be nice, do your work, and go home. That simple.