[Hopefull2009]

I was going to post this earlier, but I didn't have time.

I had my nursing final on Monday and my pharm final (which I had to pass in order to pass the class) on Tuesday. I started the previous Thursday with the massive "lock" down in my house where I wouldn't do anything but read.

My children were happy to receive McDonald's and Pizza Hut almost every day this weekend. My husband and I are fighting again because I told him I would hire someone to do the yard work this weekend--his job was going to be to watch the children whether he wanted to or not, b/c studying had to take top priority this weekend.

Well, my daughter is into this "get me a drink" "get me a snack" mode that has more to do with wanting attention than actually being hungry.

After two days of this, I'll admit, I 100% lost my temper (she's 4) and I yelled at her. I said, "You have already had a drink and a snack...you need to go play with your brother, play in your room or watch TV...Mommy has to study."

Then...for the FIRST TIME in this young child's life...I saw her muster up all the courage she could, her face turned beet red, she had her hands in fists stiff at her sides, the three words every mother dreads hearing:

"I HATE YOU!!!!"....and she ran off in tears.

I got up, picked her up, held her, told her 1,000 times how much I loved her...that this was hard on all of us...but Mommy couldn't be there like I was before...but how do you explain this to a child who now has no memory of when you weren't in school?

[rotteluvr31]

I can feel your pain -

When a parent goes to school, I think it is hard on the whole family, especially kids, when Mom (or Dad) is no longer available the way they used to be.

Some day school will be over and you can spend playtime with your daughter again. But I know how hard it is to hear your child say those hateful words to you. And no matter how often they say them, it never gets easier to hear - my daughter said it an awful lot as a young teen. It was her battlecry.

I had to move to a table in our unfinished basement to physically remove myself from my teenage children. They would come looking for me, see me studying, and ask what I was doing. Repeatedly. So does my husband. Out of sight almost equals out of mind. Another women I met with 4 young children under the age of 5 would wait for her DH to come home and spend hours locked in her bedroom with cotton balls in her ears so she couldn't hear the bedlam outside.

Hugs to you - hugs to your daughter. This is hard, but you can do it.

[vivasmom]

Yes, my heart goes out to you. My 5 year old wrote me a note "you lik monte mor than me that is our dog)...i am going to hid from you. you ar going to mak me cri" she then drew a heart with a zig zag through it because she was brokenhearted. all this because i was trying to read the newspaper. yikes.

which made me cry. No i don't love the dog more than you, however, he needs a pat on the head and that is it! this has been very hard on her. she also told me this week, "mom i feel like we need to hang out together more." all i can say is, thank goodness summer is almost here, 3 more weeks then this semester is finished and we can really really hang out and have fun. i hope I have made the right decision. Sometimes, i get very upset thinking i'm missing a lot of this sweet time in her life and it will never be back. Be strong and when she tells you she hates you, you can tell her mommy never hates you and I know you must be upset blah blah blah , validate her feelings and maybe give her some tools to express her frustration in a loving but honest way. Maybe every saturday AM from 7-10 that is "mommy time" no matter what. Hope this helps.

[Dawn, RN]

I think anyone who has been through nursing school and is a parent has felt at some point like they weren't there for their kids like they wish they could.

It has been a long time and a hard road for my family. I stayed at home with my kids for 17 years. I have three kids, 17, 13, and 11. So when I started school, there was a complete turn around in the time I had. I couldn't just go to school plays and parties because I would be in class. I could not give 100% of my time to them like I used to. I cannnot count the times they asked me to play a game or go out to do something and I had to say "not tonight....not right now....mom has to study". There were times I knew I had upset them. I tried my best to set Saturday aside for straight family time and NOT school time, but that was not always possible when a big test was coming up.

Luckily, I graduated NS last week. I don't know who is more excited...me or my kids and husband. I know I owe them a lot and hopefully we can make up for lost time.

I hope you find some encouragement in knowing that there are many that feel the way you are. NS is extremely hard and time consuming. But take heart that one day it will be over and you and your family will be so glad that you stuck it out. Prayers to you and your daughter!

[mir_mom]

Im a mom too and it is hard. My little one is 7 so she understands more. I hate that sometimes I have to miss her field trips and she gets upset. But someday it will be over and she will be proud of me just like your little one will be proud of you.

[3sodapop]

My cousin went thru the same LPN program I'm in right now, and she calls it... "the lost year." We've missed birthdays, graduations, not to mention neglecting our poor husbands.

You should check out the poem I posted earlier on this forum, it's called: "A Poem for Nursing Students Who Are Moms"

It's about neglected children. http://allnurses.com/forums/f50/poem...ms-288844.html

[casi]

*hugs*
I've always admired my classmates who are going through school with families.

[TangoLima]

I understand exactly how you feel. My son is 8, and I have had to miss so much time with him over the last 2 years. I would miss field trips, baseball games, etc. I always feel like a heel when I have to tell him no yet again when he asks if we can play a game, watch a movie together, etc.

I just graduated NS, and I thought it would get better. But, I just had to explain to him 10 mins ago that I had to miss his awards ceremony (honor roll for the entire year) next week because I have a job interview the same day.

Kids are resilient, and yours is still so young. Just keep telling yourself that you are doing this so they will have a better future ahead of them. NS doesn't last forever. Hang in there.

[Aprilhere]

I understand your pain and it IS hard. I finished school last summer...my kids were 5, 3 and 3. I kept reminding myself that in the long run *I* was the one missing out. Yes...they were hurt that I was too busy. But I have the rest of their lives to make up for it. I will always be sad that I missed so much the first few years...but they'll hardly remember it.

Now..they love that I work. Sometimes they whine when I pick up too many shifts....but more often than not they notice that I never say no "because we can't afford it" anymore. There's always a REAL reason if I say no now. They even comment on things based on "before mommy was a nurse" and "now that mommy's a nurse" IT makes me proud.

[Reese17]

OMG! I am going through the same thing in my house. This week I had 3 finals to take and so my mind was totally on school. Before nursing school, I was the parent responsible for drs appts., paying for school lunch, making sure the kids homework got done, laundry, etc., Being in NS I just dont have time. So for the past week my daughter has been reminding me that I needed to pay for the field trip. I'm on my way to work this morning and my husband calls me and says "I FORGOT TO PAY FOR THE FIELD TRIP!". On top of that, my daughters' tooth came out 3 days ago and I keep forgetting to play tooth fairy. She woke up this morning with a tear in her eye and said "the tooth fairy didnt come again, mommy" AARRGH! On top of all that my oldest is graduating and has event after event to go to for the next 2 weeks. By the way, this is the only 2 weeks I get off before starting my summer courses. When will this end! And when it does will my family still be intact? No I am definitely not going to win mom-of-the-year award!