[ChunLiomyRn2b]

After countless google searches on depression and relationships, I have determined that I am not dealing with my boyfriend's depression positively.

I first want to say that I am not seeking medical advice, just want to know if anyone out there has been in my shoes.

Little History: We have been together for 3 years. He told me about his past experiences with depression/anxiety shortly after we began dating. I believed he wasn't suffering. He has been on meds before I knew him, but quit them around the time we met. He feels that he doesn't need medication and that he'll be fine. He uses alcohol to cope. He's not a drunk, but has admitted it "helps" him. He regrets telling me about his past because he feels that I hold it against him. I've never referred to it and won't, in fear of pushing him deeper. (He says he can tell by looking at me)

Over the time we've been together(now that I reflect), he has had depression all along. Some bouts worse than others. I used to think that it was "just the way he was". The indecisiveness, antisocial behavior, over-analyzing, and "flipping out" over small things, just to name a few. Sometimes, he'll go days without leaving the house or not sleep/sleep all day. I have learned everything I can about this illness to try to be supportive and understanding.

I have never loved anyone that suffers from depression. I have NO experience with this at all!!!
It affects our realtionship daily. I've been on eggshells for a very long time. I have decided to seek counseling for myself to help our relationship and to help me understand him better. He doesn't know that I am doing this.

Oh! He is in denial. I'm afraid to tell him that I feel he needs to talk to someone, so I just sit back and hope that today will be better.

I'd like to hear from similar stories, please. I don't want to give up on our relationship, but it's frustrating.

[cherilee]

coping with someone elses depression can be difficult.

Dealing with your own is hard too. My ex husband went through some pretty bad depressions.He would lash out at me, get migraines, refuse to participate in fun things, etc.

Then I realized I had my OWN stuff to deal with. Unfortunately, our marriage ended. I had to focus on myself and what I needed to feel ok

good luck take care

[ukstudent]

You cannot change someone else. You cannot make them understand how unhealthy they are. You can only change yourself.

You need to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with some one that "flips out" and "uses alcohol" to self medicate. Do you want to spend your life in "fear" that he will do something worse (has he threatened suicide yet). Is living "on eggshells" how you see your future.

A lot of nurses have a need to help people. However, people can only be helped if they want to be. Your boyfriend does not want to be helped. Go to therapy and find out what are you getting out of this relationship and why you are staying in it.

Good luck in your recovery.

[RNKittyKat]

Yes, I've been through something similar. I got better. I have no idea what happened to the bf and frankly do not care. One day I got angry at allowing myself to be manipulated into an eggshell walking, excuse making, hypervigilant mess who modeled poor relationship skills to her kids. It was a moment of clarity that I siezed. At that moment, I became my own best friend. I kicked him to the curb and didn't look back. I highly recommend it. It's totally freeing.

[ChunLiomyRn2b]

Thank you for helping me realize that I have my OWN issues. It's too true and that's right, I cannot change anyone else but myself. I never meant to come off as someone pointing the finger, but I did .

I am still going to speak to a therapist (this Monday), and hopefully I can develop my relationship skills.

I came clean to him about all of this and my feelings. I asked him if he was depressed. He decided to give me a full "tour" of his experience when he was 12. His Grandmother, whom he was very close to, passed. He witnessed his Mother's depression and in turn went into a deep depression himself. It changed his life forever. He hopes to goodness he never experiences something like that again. He battled for 6 years.

He said that he was a lot of things right now, but not depressed. He is unsatisfied with many areas of our realtionship and wants to do his part to make this better. We are learning.

He admits to having anxiety and wanting to cope with those feelings better.
How he accomplishes this is his own decision.

I pray that our relationship grows from this, but I am too strong-willed to be in a place that doesn't make me happy.

I appreciate your thoughts and this has been a real eye opener.