[SmilingBluEyes]

Way to go, Peg. It's hard not to become "hardened" by tough cases, but we owe it to our patients, the community, and most of all, ourselves NOT to allow this to happen to us. If we do, it is truly time to move on.

[shay]

Aw, how sad for that girl, Peg. I'm the same way, it's the rude and abusive ones I don't like. I find most drug users are not rude and abusive if you simply treat them with kindness.

[reprise]

As the mother of one of those young mums to be who everybody and their dog (including myself) thought should have terminated the pregnancy, I'd just like to tell those of you who are able to suspend your judgements long enough to offer help what a difference your support makes.

This time last year my daughter was an inpatient in a psychiatric ward as a result of her depression and its attendant suicidal and homicidal ideation. Today, she is a (mostly) confident, self-assured young woman who while apprehensive about what the future holds is pretty sure it holds in store positive things. What her psychiatric care team could not accomplish, her midwives have. To sit here this morning and listen to this young women who was so afraid of life 12 months ago explain to her sister why she isn't scared of the pain of giving birth was a simply amazing experience - the support which you offer young women like my daughter has consequences which extend far beyond their pregnancy, labour, and delivery, and I hope that one day my daughter will pick up the phone or a pen and let every one of those midwives know that they made a difference which - literally - changed her life.

[Montessori Mommy]

Thank you so much to all who have posted on this great thread! As someone who is applying to nursing school this week, I've learned so much from you.

I wish some of the people who don't appreciate the difficult job that nurses have could read the heartfelt things you shared. I now know that I'm heading in the right direction in my career choice.

Again, thanks for sharing!!

[rn500]

Nurse Heather - as to your question, I find that in many cases, babies do go home with mothers who have tested positive for drug use. Apparently, that in itself is not a reason t keep a baby from going home with mom. What happens after they go home, I can't say. We do social service consults on a lot of our moms - teenage, drugs, and other problems - but it rarely results in a protective service situation.

Everyone on this thread has been very positive and upbeat about dealing with pts like this on a regular basis, but I must tell you that after a lot of years it wears on you. Or on me, anyway. While I am taking care of a pt, I set aside my feelings and try to be as helpful and compassionate as I can, but I have found over the years that it is SO hard not become cynical and maybe even somewhat bitter over what some women do to their poor unborn babies. For me and many other nurses I work with, we have to work at overcoming it daily. I think in a way, I am LUCKY that I went through some similar experiences as a young unwed mom - no drugs, but struggling with welfare, food stamps and the way people percieve you - that has helped me try to keep in mind that I have NO idea what these women's lives were like before they stepped through our door. But I'll tell ya, some days it's just plain hard. We do alot of letting off steam to each other behind closed doors.

You may ask, why do I stay in OB then? I guess because I know that every where you go you will run into pts whose "life choices" are not the same as you would have made. I don't think there's any getting around that. And maybe I think that I still have some worthwhile contribution in me to make to these girls.

I don't want to discourage you, it's just the realities of the nursing life over time. The babies are still sweet even after all these years! You will often find one or more of us wandering to the nursery during a lull in the night, just to rock a baby for a little while.

[xmaxiex]

Once a "young mom" I was treated with contempt . Only one nurse was not judgemental and she was the only one I dared asked a question of . She never made me feel incompetant as a new mom and truly took the time to teach me what I needed to know !

[shanyone]

Kudos to all the nurses at St. Vincents in Toledo, OH 14 years and 2 months ago!! And all the other OB nurses who've responded with kindness and compassion to other young mothers throughout the world. The nurses who helped me through labor and delivery when I was 16 were amazing and helpful. I have always been amazed at how good I was treated in the hospital. At the time my parents weren't very pleased with me so we weren't on speaking terms. One of my parents wanted me to give my baby up for adoption and the other wanted me to have an abortion, so they weren't speaking to me after I decided against these two things. I knew I couldn't live with myself if I gave my baby away and at the time I wouldn't even consider abortion.

Anyway, my son is now just about to turn 15. He's a good kid without (hopefully) too many scars from being raised by a single mom most of his life. He makes good grades and is starting a Catholic high school this year. He's amazingly athletic and as social as they come. Everyone who meets him loves him. I am in nursing school for two more years and even though I have no desire to be an OB nurse, I do plan to treat my patients with compassion always. And if I can't treat them with compassion and respect then I won't care for them.

I am certain there were nurses who treated me who didn't agree with my decisions (just as my parents didn't) but they never let on and they helped me learn how to take care of my little guy. I remember being scared to death to bring him home (to foster care, because at that time I wasn't old enough to be on my own, but my parents didn't want me to come home with them). It was an absolutly mortifying time for me but the ONLY thing that got me through was a sincere hatred of failing (because my parents insisted that I would) and the intense love I felt for my baby. I've always held that tenacity to survive near to my heart and things have always had a way of working themselves out (I think God loves me. There were many, many lean years when we ate a lot of ramen noodles and the lights were shut off and such, but we made it and we are close because of it.

I am sorry this is so long and if you've gotten this far, you'll be happy to know that I am now great friends with my mom and dad. I totally believe you have to forgive if you want to be happy and I know they didn't mean to hurt me and I certainly didn't mean to hurt them. I'm actually thankful for the way I lived and the decisions I made. I think they made me a better person. I know I really appreciate that I always have enough to eat now! And I hope I'll be able to draw on my experiences to help someone else in the future through a rough time in their life.

Shanyone

[33-weeker]

As a nursery nurse, I have watched this so often and had to deal with my feelings about what kind of home the babies are going home to. It is hard.

The sad thing is that the system is getting overburdened. Not that long ago, + UDS meant CPS went to court and took custody, sent the baby home with someone else, usually foster family. Nowadays its just a 'safety plan' and baby goes home with a relative or even mom. Like anyone is going to really follow that. Sure - let's just send them home into bad environments so they can be brought up to follow in their parents' footsteps - makes a lot of sense. - NOT

I kindly care for my patients, but I do everything possible to catch the baby's first urine. I have CPS on 'speed dial'. That's all you can do.

The real battle is with the law makers. Hopefully soon - before the whole system collapses - our government will stop paying mothers to have baby after baby (estimates are that this would cut the illegitimacy rate by 40% right off the bat), and make laws so that + drug moms will get one chance at a good rehab, then with the next pregnancy + for drugs, be offered the choice between hard prison time or a tubal ligation.

If they avoided prenatal care just for this reason, all the more reason they should lose custody of their kid. There needs to be tough consequences for this reckless behavior or it won't change.