[SmilingBluEyes]

Ah yes, it should be said, that being "young" does not disqualify a person from being a good parent. I have seen a more than a few "older" moms (30s to 40s) who were unfit to raise kittens, let alone an infant! Let us clear that up RIGHT away before it gets us into trouble.....

[imenid37]

Treating others well, elevates you and them. Sometimes kindness gets through a tough exterior and people to whom no one is ever nice usually appreciate and notice kindness. This is not to say that you should ever let a patient be abusive to you. It just means you should be professional at all times. No mattr what you can't decide a patient is not a worthwhile person or they are not deserving of your efforts. If you treat someone like they are a person of value, then they may also come to believe it. IMHO, being cruel or harsh to a patient is counter-productive. It doesn't get the patient to co-operate w/ you or make you feel any better about yourself.

[SmilingBluEyes]

Excellent post, imenid!

[beckabeckahi]

I am still in nursing school, so I'm sure this is a bit idealistic but bottom line is "We are the patients ADVOCATE." As nurses, we are going to come in contact with all types of folks that are doing things that challenge our moral beliefs. So I guess thats when its time to teach ourselves "coping skills" that allow us to give the best patient care and still be true to ourselves.

Thanks for the thought provoking post.

[SmilingBluEyes]

You are absolutely right, Becka. But sometimes, it's easier said than done for many reasons. Don't forget, sometimes we have things going in our lives that challenge us even MORE to stand up and render our best care in any case. After 7 years, I have learned there are some days I cannot cope with situations like this, and will find a willing coworker to deal with it that shift. It's ok to find ways to cope, if need be. If you don't take care of yourself, you cannot be an advocate for anyone, let alone those who challenge you.

[beckabeckahi]

Originally Posted by SmilingBluEyes

You are absolutely right, Becka. But sometimes, it's easier said than done for many reasons. Don't forget, sometimes we have things going in our lives that challenge us even MORE to stand up and render our best care in any case. After 7 years, I have learned there are some days I cannot cope with situations like this, and will find a willing coworker to deal with it that shift. It's ok to find ways to cope, if need be. If you don't take care of yourself, you cannot be an advocate for anyone, let alone those who challenge you.

aahh, yes. We are HUMAN too. Thanks for the words of experience--I'll tuck them away.

[shay]

Originally Posted by fergus51

GO Shay! I always found the most important thing was remembering that it was too late for me to stop unprepared parents from having babies, so I might as well try to make the experience as positive as possible.

Exactly. Bravo! Give a young mother your time and patience, tell her she's doing a good job, give her the tools to parent her child...young mothers can be amazing.

I agree, I have taken care of many older women who had NO business having kids. They thought of children as accessories, not actual people. You know, a cute little baby to dress up and show off, to be seen and not heard. Barf. And I have seen just as many young moms rise to the occasion so beautifully. They take that babe into their arms, and you can just see them change. Right there. It's truly amazing.

It's not the addicts I have a hard time with, either, ironically. The kind of patient I cannot STAND is the kind of patient who is so self centered and selfish and prissy and just thinks the universe revolves around her, and her baby is merely an afterthought. One of those "think of children as accessories" patients. I just want to smack them and tell them "NEWSFLASH HONEY, IT AIN'T ABOUT YOU ANYMORE!!" Aaaaagggghhhh!! I have to do a lot of deep breathing with those women.

[alphafe]

These are just amazing answers -- thank you, everyone. They will help me out one day.

As I thought about this I realized that providing care for a batterer, drunk driver, rapist, etc. would be A LOT harder than for a disenfranchised mother. Guess I'd better start a new thread!

You all ROCK!

[rnmi2004]

Shay & others have posted excellent ideas.

I have read many uplifting stories about people who were once in various unpleasant situations--people who were alcoholics, drug users, etc. You don't read about people making changes in their lives because of nurses, doctors, etc. treating them like dirt. When you treat someone with the compassion they probably never received anywhere else, you are doing what you can to help get the person out of the hole they are in.

[breastfeedingRN]

like i said on another post. i try to connect with all my patients somehow. even if they are difficult for me for whatever reason. sometimes it is the simplest thing that i can kind of "relate" to. this helps me hold myself accountable for providing the care that i would want myself or a loved one to receive.

as for the actual question of unfit, etc moms, i am probably a bit optimistic in believing that just one person actually showing them respect and belief in their abilities can give them the courage to turn their lives around for their baby.