[FrumDoula]

So I'm not an L&D nurse, I'm simply a doula and student nurse. But I imagine this is not just a doula occurence, and I wanted to hear what others had to say about this.

I travel fairly frequently and am often a guest in other peoples' homes for the Jewish Sabbath. So I meet lots of people regularly. Invariably, someone turns to me and asks what I do for a living. I tell them I'm a doula. Since moving to California, the response is usually less of a blank look (as was common back in Missouri, where I moved from a year ago) and more a look of interest and curiosity.

Once I share what I do, it seems to open the floodgates for women to share their entire obstetric history with me! I hear birth stories, traumatic and positive. I hear hair raising tales from delivery rooms, and get a lot of questions. It's absolutely incredible. It's as if they were just waiting to process through all these feelings and experiences, and I'm the one who gets to hear it all. I feel so privileged, although it can be a lot to hear when it's traumatic. And I'm not just talking about new mothers, either. Women up to the age of 70 have talked about their experiences, and how intense it was.

Does this happen to you guys? Are you the recipient of tons of birth stories once they find out what you do? It's been fascinating to me ....

Alison

[amber1142]

Originally Posted by FrumDoula

Does this happen to you guys? Are you the recipient of tons of birth stories once they find out what you do? It's been fascinating to me ....

Alison

Hi Alison,

I'm starting as an L&D nurse, and I've noticed that it is starting to happen. I know from my own experiences of having children that it is one of the most profound things that I've ever been through, and I love to talk about it. I think once it's over, women, especially older women, don't always have a reason to talk about it anymore, so they welcome a chance to relive it when they find a willing ear.

One thing that makes me kind of sad is that unless you hang out in certain circles (with the assorted birth junkies, Bradley, doulas, midwifery, etc), you don't have a lot of women talking very positively about their experiences. That's when you get a lot of war stories or tales of how awful it was. It's rare to find women who want to talk about how wonderful it was.

[SmilingBluEyes]

I have had so many women (some whom I know and some whom I did not) share their stories with me and always feel priveleged when they do. And believe it or not, I learn more from them than they do me. I learn what they loved about their experiences. I learn what they hated. I learn what they would change if they could. I learn what they feel "good" caregiving i---- and what it is not, and incorporate these things into my practices

If as a labor caregiver (doula, CNM, doctor or nurse, whatever your role) you take the stance of attempting to learn from each story you are told, and LISTEN more than you talk, you will be amazed at the information you will gain and can use in your own practice. Let then talk----especially when their experiences are negative. It's therapeutic for them and educational for us.

[tntrn]

I agree with what SBE just posted and since I just got up I won't even try to add to it, except to say sometimes a story told to me will include some aspect that is really not believeable the way it's told and if I can do so gently, I will try to explain to that person what may have "really" happened, why and give examples when they pertain. Sometimes, it's a perception a person has that really comes down to not totally understanding the gravity of a certain situation. And maybe the person wasn't given a good explanation at the time. I have long had an issue with all the discharge teaching we are responsible for nowadays: how can we possibly teach a new mom everything they are going to need to know in the first 24 hours post partum, one of the most immensely emotional times in a woman's life? Not happening.

I have a friend who recently went to a dinner party. At the party, there was a childless woman there who argued at some length with my friend about the female pelvic anatomy. My friend finally told her she was going to lose that argument each and every time, especially if her opponent was a Labor and Delivery nurse.

[NurseNora]

When I was in my OB rotation in nursing school, an aunt told me in great detail about the birth of my cousin. This in a very up tight family where things like this were never discussed. I was very surprized, but interested. Now I'm no longer surprized. Women, and some men too, seem to need to share their birth experiences with someone who knows what they are talking about. I love sharing other people's birth experiences.

[fergus51]

I get it too. Sometimes I learn from their stories. Sometimes I just want to be spared the stories ("I was in labor for 165 hours and the baby was 10lbs, but 4 months premature"...."Uh huh"....).

[carolinapooh]

Originally Posted by tntrn

I have a friend who recently went to a dinner party. At the party, there was a childless woman there who argued at some length with my friend about the female pelvic anatomy. My friend finally told her she was going to lose that argument each and every time, especially if her opponent was a Labor and Delivery nurse.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I love that kind of stuff!

[NurseforPreggers]

Originally Posted by tntrn

I agree with what SBE just posted and since I just got up I won't even try to add to it, except to say sometimes a story told to me will include some aspect that is really not believeable the way it's told and if I can do so gently, I will try to explain to that person what may have "really" happened, why and give examples when they pertain. Sometimes, it's a perception a person has that really comes down to not totally understanding the gravity of a certain situation. And maybe the person wasn't given a good explanation at the time. I have long had an issue with all the discharge teaching we are responsible for nowadays: how can we possibly teach a new mom everything they are going to need to know in the first 24 hours post partum, one of the most immensely emotional times in a woman's life? Not happening.

I have a friend who recently went to a dinner party. At the party, there was a childless woman there who argued at some length with my friend about the female pelvic anatomy. My friend finally told her she was going to lose that argument each and every time, especially if her opponent was a Labor and Delivery nurse.

Thats hilarious. I'm still trying to convince my husband that women do not have one more rib than men. I don't know how to make him understand! I think he reallys knows thats not true, but says it to drive me crazy.