[estrogen]

What happens? What is your role? What do you say? What is appropriate? Any interesting stories on this subject?

Thanks!

[NurseforPreggers]

The only difference in this situation in my experience is finding out what level of involvement the biological mother wants. Sometimes mothers want to hold the baby, take pictures, etc. but in most instances they want no involvement with the newborn at all. This may even mean they don't want the newborn in the room with them at all after delivery and the infant may be taken directly to the nursery for assessment and transition. Often these mothers do not want to be on a postpartum unit after delivery and may go to a Medical/Surgical unit for their recovery care.

[mugwump]

Originally Posted by estrogen

What happens? What is your role? What do you say? What is appropriate? Any interesting stories on this subject?

Thanks!

Your job is to be supportive and non-judgemental. We had one case where the mom was going to change her mind and she pin pointed a nurse that had "talked her into keeping the baby" that nurse was told she could be sued for interviening in a legal matter or something like that. I don't know exactly. I had one family who was pregnant with twins and was only keeping one. Didn't even tell the rest of the family she was pregnant with twins, we had to time when we monitered the babies since only her and her husband knew there were two in there. She had met the couple that was adopting the other child (they were keeping whichever one came out first) they were going to take summer vacations together so the kids would get to know eachother. While I DID NOT agree with their decision. In fact i thought it was the stupidest thing ever. I supported their decision and respected it. I was a nurse I remained NONJUDGEMENTAL. Well i guess i did judge them since I just said it was stupid, but I did not tell them that, and I treated them the same whether they were making a dumb decsion or making a decision that I would have agreed with.

[SmilingBluEyes]

I applaud them on trying to make decisions based on what they feel is best for their baby. I am non-judgemental otherwise. But it's a hard decision, I do make myself available to listen to them, should they need to talk to someone about how they are feeling. I never, ever give my opinion otherwise, except the above.

Frankly, I have a harder time with very obviously unfit mothers/fathers refusing to give up a child whom they obviously have no resources or desire to raise well. But that is another thread, I know. In such cases, I keep my judgements to myself, my mouth tightly shut ----but I do also make myself available to listen if they need me. I don't let my judgements get in the way of being kind and therapeutic for these folks---- but it's hard for me. Maybe this is just me.

[sbic56]

mugawump and SBE give great advice. It is probably the nurse that is most uncomfortable in this situation as the patient has had months to come to her decision. What she really needs is the nurses support of her decision.

[fergus51]

Deb said it well. Being adopted myself, I like working with these patients and have been able to share the other point of view. I think it is a loving decision.

[estrogen]

Originally Posted by SmilingBluEyes

I applaud them on trying to make decisions based on what they feel is best for their baby. I am non-judgemental otherwise. But it's a hard decision, I do make myself available to listen to them, should they need to talk to someone about how they are feeling. I never, ever give my opinion otherwise, except the above.

Frankly, I have a harder time with very obviously unfit mothers/fathers refusing to give up a child whom they obviously have no resources or desire to raise well. But that is another thread, I know. In such cases, I keep my judgements to myself, my mouth tightly shut ----but I do also make myself available to listen if they need me. I don't let my judgements get in the way of being kind and therapeutic for these folks---- but it's hard for me. Maybe this is just me.

IS THERE another thread on this subject?

[brigaily2000]

Originally Posted by estrogen

IS THERE another thread on this subject?

I am adopted myself and strongly strongly favor adoption. I used to work in a postpartal unit and it was most difficult for me to witness young, inexperienced single women keeping their babies. People are selfish to the max thinking of themselves only when many should be giving their babies to a loving 2 parent family that loves them.
I have seen single parenting firsthand (in my own family) and it's tough on everyone.
It was hard for me being a nurse and seeing this over and over again. In many instances, when the new mother was making her decision, I spoke very lovingly in favor of adoption. This was/is my opinion and I was entitled to it. If the new mother, however, was bound and determined to keep her baby, I was quiet.
I could write on and on about this, but suffice to say, if people started to think more about THE BABY and less about themselves, adoption would be more popular.

[SmilingBluEyes]

With the words "another thread", I meant, discussing unfit parents keeping their kids is ANOTHER subject--------- not necessarily germane to the present discussion of what to say to moms who DO choose to adopt out. I was not referring specifically to "another thread". Sorry the the misunderstanding!

[SmilingBluEyes]

Originally Posted by brigaily2000

II could write on and on about this, but suffice to say, if people started to think more about THE BABY and less about themselves, adoption would be more popular.

Sing it sister. We are a very selfish society and most of these folks think of the baby as "their property" more than a separate and distinct human being with needs and rights.