[mommy2boysaz]

Oh, and RubyVee~ A CNM is a Certified Nurse Midwife.

[mom2michael]

I don't want to be an OB nurse forever that's for sure. I love the experience and I love the patient teaching. What I don't love is the inductions and the sections that are all scheduled for the convenience of the doctor and/or patient. What I don't love is my co-workers getting in a tiz because someone actually is trying to deliver during shift change or the doctor getting mad when their scheduled induction comes in 2 days early actually in labor all by themselves. Or the patient that tours the building and 1/2 way thru the conversation tells you she has her induction scheduled for Sept (this was in June). I really dislike that our c-section rate is about 40% which is just way too high. It makes me crazy when a VBAC comes in and the entire legal department ascends upon them and makes me them feel stupid for wanting to try a VBAC.

But I love my patients as a whole. 99% of my patients, regardless of the family dynamics are truly appreciative of what I do for them and what I can teach them. That is something I very rarely experienced in ER. I love the time I get with them. I love the 1:1 with them. I love bringing a baby into this world and sharing my thoughts, teaching points and life experiences with my patients. I love watching that transition from princess into the delivery room to first time mommy complete with the deer in the headlight look and I love that this once demanding crazed women now turns to me for support and guidance. I love that her husband who was so petrified of his wife during the delivery is now sharing tears of love with her over their new baby. And I simply just love babies. I love to find my snuggle bunnies and have them curl up in my lap while I chart. Reminds me of why I am where I am each time I see a sweet baby angle. Awesome, it really is.

However, we live in a McDonald's fast food paced environment. Everyone wants it done in 3 mins or less and that includes deliveries.

What keeps me sane is the fact that someday I want to be a CNM and I want to do this so I can see birth the way it was designed to be seen and practice the way I feel I should practice. God made women capable of having babies without a million drugs, inductions, IV's and constant monitoring. God made us able to have babies surrounded by 10 people if we desired. God made us able to withstand the long labors and the long pushing all without drugs, vacuums or *gasp* a C-section OR rooms. I want to be able to give women the type of births they desire. I want to be part of a heritage that is so awesome and so real.

I went to OB strictly for the experience in L&D before I became a CNM. I knew long ago that things about it would make me crazy and but I also knew that unless I experienced those crazy things I would not truly appreciate being a CNM. It teaches me all the things I don't want to be when I'm done with school

I know you'll find the peace you need in your life and the direction you need to turn next. Only you can truly know if this is burnout or just a combo of many things going on right now in your life.

Good luck to you no matter what you decide!!!

[mommy2boysaz]

mom2michael~
Thank you for a beautifully written post! I couldn't have said it all better myself!
I feel exactly the same as you about all of it!!
You did help me remember the reasons why I am doing what I am doing. I'm still uncertain what my future holds. I think right now I am just tired of floor nursing. I am keeping my eyes open for other options while I am still attending school. For now, I'm trying to hang in and just deal with my frustrations. I need my job and there aren't a ton of openings in my area right now.

Again, thank you for your post. I wish you all the best!

[QTBabyNurse]

I really can sympathize with your situation as I have gone through this myself. I've worked for 9 years in a rural hospital as an L&D/nursery/mom-baby RN. I started to feel that "burned out" feeling and I left the hospital for a hospice position. Three months into the hospice position, I realized that it was NOT for me! I left the position only to stay out of nursing for another three months. I truly didn't think I'd go back. I wound up taking a position at a large hospital in the nursery and I continue to work there as we speak, however, in my heart I really don't want to do this anymore. I just don't feel any excitement when I go to work...I just feel that "dread" feeling as I'm driving there in the morning and I can't wait to leave there at the end of the shift. I think I want to do something other than bedside nursing, so I will keep my eyes open to see what becomes available. I hope you find your niche...I hope I do too.

[magz53]

I too once had the dream of being a CNM and went through many sacrifices just attaining a BSN with that goal in mind. ( Now a BSN can basically be purchased by attending class one evening a week for 15 months ) So much has changed in OB in 20 years, I am glad I gave up the pursuit of nurse-midwifery. Our midwives are worse than the docs as far as inductions and interventions. EVERYONE gets an epidural even if they don't initially want one, they are convinced to get one by their trusted care provider. Probably 80-90% of our patients are induced. Our section rate is usually 40% or higher per month. Docs want 9-5 obstetrics and as I said the midwives are no better. I am so sick of it all and know I am burned out but am too close to retirement to think of moving around. I still have patients I do enjoy and just endure the others while giving them the good care they could care less about. DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT to keep yourself out of trouble with the trouble-making entitled patients, that is all you can do.

[mommy2boysaz]

QTbabynurse: I completely sympathize with your situation. It's no fun when the "spark" has gone from a job that you used to love. Best wishes finding your niche!

magz53: I'm so sorry to hear that the midwives you work with are worse than the docs! I work with 2 midwives. They are both great women, but practice very differently. One is pretty high tech, high epidural and induction rates. But, the other is my inspiration for going back to school. The vast majority of her births are amazing. It is truly about what the PATIENT wants. The lights are low, it is quiet and peaceful, much encouragement is given. She can be up, down, or in between and can deliver wherever she is most comfortable: standing, squatting, hands and knees, in the shower, etc... The births are truly beautiful and in my opinion are examples of how it should be 75% of the time, not 2% of the time.
I have been doing a lot of soul searching and I still believe I'm meant to go into midwifery. I just think that I may have to find an alternate place to practice. There are opportunities available in birth centers and private practices that do home births. I am just going to trust God to put me where He wants me when the time comes!

In the meantime, we'll see. If the right opportunity for change comes up...I might take it, I might not.

I do love taking care of women and babies. I could just do without all the rest!

[Annya2]

I completely know what you feel. I've been a nurse for 14 years and after trying to change from office nurse to management, I then tried the OR. I am SO burned out on nursing right now and haven't worked for four months. I'd love to find a job where I can use my nursing knowledge, but don't want to do direct care. Because I don't have the "hospital" experience (five months in OR), I'm not a good candidate for teaching. I've thought about going back to school to get a master's degree in biology, but don't know what I can do work wise until then. What other avenues are there available besides direct patient care? Can anyone help me?