[Mermaid4]

While I realize we ALL promote less intervention and everything that goes along with "natural" delivery, I just HAVE to share this birth plan. It arrived along with a smiling primip with ruptured membranes on a crazy night that included a twin mom arriving in labor ending up with a femoral line for surgery due to no iv access, a stat section for face presentation, and a big blow up fight with an idiot anesthesiologist....So, you can probably all understand why this would strike me as funny and , given the superstition of OB nurses in particular and nurses in general, here goes...

Hi there. My name is ( )...My husband ( ) will be with me in labor. ( no significant others, boyfriends or other like surprises will attend).
I have heard stories about labor and delivery and have heard from more than one nurse and even one doctor that it is not like the baby channel. I get that, therefore...
I am open to drugs of any sort, any kind any time. This includes Ivs, epidurals, pills and anything else you have available. If I am standing in front of you for any reason on or near my due date and there is even a remote chance I am staying, I want my epidural just after I introduce myself. Seriously. I am NOT interested in a natural delivery. Not even one iota. Not one.
I am bottle feeding. It isn't popular I know but thats the way it is. So don't even try to talk me out of it. My mom has tried and failed. It isn't happening.
My husband is not interested in cutting the cord.
He is interested in simply remaining conscious.
I would like to labor down AFTER I get my epidural.
I don't want an epis but if I need one, feel free.
My mom is a nurse and she has always said whatever you do, make friends with your nurses. I am cool with that.
So, we both have an extended large family that can be really annoying.
Please don't tell my mom that or let her read our birth plan.
She is one of the annoying people.
She means well.
If any one in the family gets in the way of my nurse, feel free to tell them to leave.
If anyone speaks up or contradicts my nurse,
feel free to tell them to leave.
If I am in serious labor, ready to push or just in a bad way I want EVERYone out of my room.
(My husband and my nurse can stay, and the doctor too if the nurses think he should.)
And, if the family has to leave I don't want them hanging around outside my door trying to listen in.
They go to the family room or they go home.
My nurse is in charge of them.(thanks a million for that- I would rather my nurse field my mother than me. I have been trying to do that for 27 years).
The only way our baby gets a circ is if the pediatrician gives him some pain medicine, otherwise, no go.
If you can help in any way, cool.
Thanks a lot for all your help.
Nurses rule!


Isn't that absolutely the most hilarious nurse friendly birthing plan? And, it is verbatim!
Made my crazy night.....

[SmilingBluEyes]

only one question:

did things go according to the PLAN????

i love it!

[Mermaid4]

When I left she was in the tub, 3 cms listening to CDs after having received 5 mg nubain IV.......I'll let you know how things turned out.

[Jolie]

This is priceless, and should become the textbook model for birth plans!

My guess is that with such an open mind, this patient probably had a picture-perfect delivery.

[Gompers]

Except for the part about the nurse being in charge of dealing with the family, rather than the patient herself having enough guts to tell them go get the heck out...

I actually LIKE that birthplan, LOL. It's much better than the ones where the mom wants absolutely NO interventions, to the point that you wonder why they didn't just have the kid at home themselves. You know, the moms who always end up in the OR for a section? This mom does need a little bit of education regarding pain control and it's effect on the baby, and the proper timing of an epidural, of course. But I think the part about her husband not wanting to cut the cord and just wanting to focus on staying conscious is what really got to me. My fiancee wants to be in the waiting room with cigars when we have our kids, and if I do make him be in the room (which I WILL) he will only stay at the head of the bed (which I AGREE WITH).

Anyway, thanks for posting!!!

[madwife2002]

ABSOLUTLY WICKED BIRTH PLAN
Hope it all went well keep us informed

[palesarah]

I love it! Thanks for sharing

[mhull]

Hi there. My name is ( )...My husband ( ) will be with me in labor. ( no significant others, boyfriends or other like surprises will attend).

No Significant others, BOYFRIENDS, or other suprises........is she saying they have them, or that they just won't be arriving at the hospital during birth?

[safewaygreenbox]

Excellent
A girl who knows what she wants
I might base my living will on this ....just got to get around to it

Kay the 2nd

[Angie O'Plasty, RN]

Whatta hoot!!

Beats the heck outta my Intro:

"OK, here we are--stand back and catch!"

(Which is why I know nothing about birthing babies.)