[SteveRN21]

Saw this on a Facebook group.... funny, but SO true...

You know you are a NICU nurse when…
1. You’ve eaten hamburger patties bigger than most of your patients
2. You define colors by the color of stool you’ve seen- i.e. baby poop green/yellow
3. You don’t understand why talking about sticking a needle in a baby’s head is making other people at the dinner table ill
4. At one time or another have had breast milk, poop or urine on your work clothes
5. You have affectionately called a patient cletus the fetus, wimpy white boy, troll or FLK (funny lookin’ kid) in report
6. You can change your patient’s bed linens with one hand while holding your patient in the other
7. You can make an IV arm board out of some 4x4 gauze and tape
8. You’ve almost caught your hair on fire while in your patient’s bed…a.k.a. radiant warmer
9. You’ve used a sock or a piece of tape for a restraint
10. You check out the scalp veins, cap refill and fontanels on a friend’s new baby
11. You use a cotton ball to obtain urine samples
12. You use saran wrap to keep your food fresh and your patient’s warm
13. You think all crying babies need benadryl, versed or intubation
14. You think the pulse oximeter, CPAP and those crappy no sticking leads were created by the devil
15. You have ever shown a doctor a green residual while they were eating
16. You have obtained a 10cc residual when the patient only gets 1cc
17. You have put an intensive care patient in a swing
18. You don’t get excited if your patient has a heart rate of 180
19. You do chest compressions with two fingers
20. Most of your meds come in TB/1cc syringes
21. You prepare your patient’s bath water in a Dixie cup
22. You draw blood from your patient’s heel
23. You use a rubber band for a tourniquet
24. You’ve seen two complexes on EKG screen and not been excited-you merely pat your patient on the butt and it’s all good
25. Newborn babies look like preschoolers to you
26. You tell people what you do and they think you sit around and rock babies all day
27. When you tell people what you really do they start to cry and/or vomit
28. You have assisted with surgery on your patient in their bed and on the unit
29. You have at one time or another in the heat of frustration threatened to throw your patient in the trash can
30. You have considered using duct tape to hold a pacifier in a screaming baby’s mouth
31. You have met your patient’s father, mother’s boyfriend, and husband all in one day
32. You have made a mental note that no matter how stupid people are they still know how to get their groove on

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=11097554174

[Sweeper933]

Ah yes... those were good Steve. I especially like the one about the duct tape - I threaten babies with it all the time

A few to add:
-Patients that you can't hold in one hand are too big for you to take care of
-When getting blood (or anything else) on your freshly made bed stresses you out more than when it gets on you
- When you truely believe that your patients listen to you when you're yelling at them from across the room to "save themselves" because you're busy feeding another baby
-When you get excited over a babys' 10g weight gain

[elizabells]

Originally Posted by SteveRN21

13. You think all crying babies need benadryl, versed or intubation

Where do you think you work, nurse?

[preemieRNkate]

Originally Posted by Sweeper933

-When getting blood (or anything else) on your freshly made bed stresses you out more than when it gets on you

Oh so true. And you have used peroxide to get a spot of blood out of a blanket instead of changing the entire bed under a baby that just might bottom out if you attempt it again. (Hey, it's better than just putting a piece of tape or gauze over it!)

[elizabells]

Originally Posted by preemieRNkate

Oh so true. And you have used peroxide to get a spot of blood out of a blanket instead of changing the entire bed under a baby that just might bottom out if you attempt it again. (Hey, it's better than just putting a piece of tape or gauze over it!)

That's what those small white chux (aka Wee Pee Pads) are for!

[Sweeper933]

When you see an adults HR on a monitor and it (momentarily) freaks you out because it's "so low"!!!

[elizabells]

Originally Posted by Sweeper933

When you see an adults HR on a monitor and it (momentarily) freaks you out because it's "so low"!!!

Conversely, when you're watching a medical show and someone shouts "He's tachy to 150!!!" and you can't figure out the problem.

When you groan about having the 6mo old chronic kid who weighs all of 5kg because he's soooooo heavy and you're totally going to hurt your back getting him on the scale.

When you don't assess strangers' veins, like all the other nurses, but you *do* estimate the gestational age of every pregnant woman you see just in case they deliver right in front of you.

Further, when your pregnant friends hit 28 weeks you relax, because that's practically term, right?

When you see no problem with cussing out a newborn who won't eat/pooped on you/puked on you/won't stop crying/won't give up a measly drop of blood for a Dextrostick, as long as you do it softly and in a sweet nursery-rhyme voice. Hey, they don't know the difference!

[SteveRN21]

These are the ones I identify with the most:

13. You think all crying babies need benadryl, versed or intubation (This is why, after working 3 nights in a row with a couple of screaming, unwilling to eat ex-cardiacs, I'll beg for "a baby with a tube")

29. You have at one time or another in the heat of frustration threatened to throw your patient in the trash can (too bad our windows won't open on the 7th floor)

SO true about the gtt of blood on the clean bed... it NEVER fails, when I'm trying to be a model nurse and get all my babies bathed, weighed and into clean, tight beds at the start of the shift that:

1. The baby will somehow manage to pee completely outside their tightly secured diaper (and diaper will be dry)

2. The baby will kick off his bandaid, 2x2, whatever on his heel after a heelstick, dotting blood all over your bed. (this is after you had to coax a single drop out of him for a glucose level)

3. He'll covertly yank out his NGT while continuous feeds are infusing, and go back to sleep, leading you to believe he's comfortable, and leave him alone....til you go in and find that the last 4 hours of feeds are now soaking into your nice little bed.

[hikernurse]

A blood pressure of 59/42 requires no more than noting it on the flow sheet.

Your patients would sleep right through heel sticks/IV insertions if there was a way to do it without having to hold the limb (I swear, the needle doesn't bug them nearly as much as gently holding their foot/hand still).

You empty catheters into a medicine cup.

It takes 30 minutes to run a 20 cc bolus.

After baths, we get the fun of giving all our patients mohawks.

We get to hug and kiss our patients while whispering sweet nothings and that's considered a good thing .

Emptying a colostomy bag requires only a 10 cc syringe.

We can get away with calling our patients Mr. Crankypants--to their faces.

We pull 0.5 ml of Ativan out of the Pyxis and end up wasting most of that because even 0.5 ml is way too much for the little peanut in the crib.

Constant alarming doesn't faze you, but you can't get the lullabies from the mobiles out of your head.

[preemieRNkate]

Originally Posted by SteveRN21

29. You have at one time or another in the heat of frustration threatened to throw your patient in the trash can (too bad our windows won't open on the 7th floor)

Hmm, our 8th floor windows don't open either. But there is always the pneumatic tube system with it's 1 kilo weight limit!