[TazziRN]

It's time for me to share what's been happening at my house recently.

Girl Child finished at the treatment center, and since then she has blown off the program. I think she thinks that since she finished treatment, she's "fine". Two weeks ago Hubs asked her why she wasn't going to meetings. In a nutshell she said she didn't know if she wanted to stay sober, so I told her that in that case, she has to find another place to live. Sobriety is required to live here.

Although she admitted to Hubs that she made that comment in the heat of the moment, she told him that I am a relapse trigger, and that to preserve our relationship she wants to move out. When I found out what she'd said I tried to talk to her. I asked her why she feels I'm a trigger. She said "Everytime I have a conversation with you I feel like using."

I haven't talked to her since. Hubs tried to get her to apologize but she said that I seem angry all the time and she's afraid she'll get her head bitten off. I'm not angry. I'm incredibly hurt. It's been a long time since we've had a disagreement, yet she says she wants to use whenever she talks to me. I refuse to be the reason for her relapse, which is inevitable......she's moving into a house where drinking and using are very active pasttimes. If she relapses she will not have me to use as an excuse.

It hurts that she feels our relationship is expendable to get what she wants.

I give up. I have to admit that I cannot wait for her to move. I want her out of here so that our lives can get back to a peaceful normality.

Does this make me a bad mom?

[VivaLasViejas]

In a word: NO.

Prayers going out for you, Tazzi. This must be an awful thing to go through........ETOH and drugs do more damage to families than everything else combined, I think.

[oooooooooo]

No, you aren't a bad mom. Just one who cares that has had enough of watching someone they love throw thier life away. Love may cover a multitude of sins, but at some point everyone has to grow up and accept responsibility for thier own wants and desires. You deserve a hug!

[Tweety]

No you're not a bad mom and I think you know better than that.

I told my ex that I required sobriety in my house and he threw away ten years of our relationship to drink. It hurts, but addiction is more powerful than love sometimes.

[llg]

I'm sorry to read that things are not going well with your daughter, TazziRN.

Are YOU getting any counseling at the present? It might not be the right moment for family counseling with your daughter, but it sounds as if YOU could use some professional counseling to help you get through this. ... and it might give you some additional strength and strategy suggestions to help you help your work work through the problems she has within herself and with her relationship with you.

Take care.

[canoehead]

It's clear to everyone else, though it might not be to you that her statement is just an excuse. Not any more substantial than the hot air she used to speak it. I'm sorry you are going through this. She definitely needs to have and use outside counselling before this will be over.

[SaderNurse05]

{{{{{{{{{{Tazzi}}}}}}}}}} {{{{{{{{{{{Tweety}}}}}}}}}

Hang in there. Our prayers are with you both.

[TazziRN]

Originally Posted by canoehead

It's clear to everyone else, though it might not be to you that her statement is just an excuse. Not any more substantial than the hot air she used to speak it. I'm sorry you are going through this. She definitely needs to have and use outside counselling before this will be over.

I guess I left a tiny part out......I know it's an excuse, that there is no element of truth in it. Problem is, SHE believes it. What hurts is that she sank low enough to use an excuse like that to get her way.

[dlsmoore]

Addiction is a disease, and a very powerful one. She obviously needs much more treatment and support, but you can't blame yourself.
All you can do now is pray that one day she will come to recovery on her on.
Best wishes.
I have been there, and it is very difficult to understand, but it is a disease.

[cherm59]

Everything is expendable when we use. I have a couple of suggestions, Al-anon, realize you are powerless over her choices, AND KNOW you are a great Mom.....Great Mom's do not enable sick children to stay sick. Sounds like you to me! I had a Great Mom and I am clean and sober 6 years......Prayers going up for you and your family