[Babs0512]

I have PTSD from years of working in the ER and a couple of personal tragedies. My heart goes out to you dear. I'm am on medication, and I see a counselor. My suggestion is that you do the same. Remember, PTSD is NOT your fault - like any other disease, it is unfortunately yours (and mine) to try to manage it. HUGS Babs

[psigrl]

My God, no you are not alone!!
I have been searching all over the internet for a site to discuss PTSD issues for those of us who don't feel we deserve to focus on this.
Maybe some of us did have issues in childhood, but the point is we ended up in nursing in order to have some semblance of order and a way to make sense of the world. Because we were and are so sensitive we made especially good nurses. I was in the OR at first (adrenaline was my ally) and then to acute psychiatry where I laid boundries for my patients and listened to their stories while pushing down my own pain. If I could focus on them I didn't have to think about me. Then I found forensic nursing (jails and prisons) where the adrenaline flowed even faster! By the seventh or eighth year I found myself isolating, hating to socialize, becoming more and more angry and demanding. I was controlling and obsessive about order in my home and demanded perfection in those I worked with. I was promiscuous and thought I was enjoying the attention of various partners. My self esteem was only in my clinical practice. Finally, the wheels fell off. I became ill with what was later found to be heart related. I couldn't keep a job, I was fatigued to the point of being completely inactive, my mind was mush (I always loved my brain) and I fell into a deep depression. Dying was ok with me. The MI finally broke me completely and I had a stent placed. I had by this time lost my condo, and almost my license. Slowly but surely, with the help of some higher power I began to take a few shifts, earn a little money, exercise a little, smile a little.
Last week I was driving to an assignment when a young woman on a cell phone drove out in front of me into the major thoroughfare. In order to miss her I had to turn sharply to the left in order to miss hitting her directly. She continued to drive, hitting another car. I found myself being pulled out of my car by a woman who was on her way to the local hospital to begin her shift. She never left my side. She witnessed what had happened and vowed to stand by me. What I remember most distinctly was that I cried. And cried. And cried. It was like I was crying for the first time for all the take downs, all the times my patients spat on me, all the times they yelled obscenities, all the times I had to see my staff nurses being assaulted and sent to the er, all the times I went home drained and wondering why the board of nursing was so distant to our needs. I grieved for my nurse sisters and brothers who are NOT clergy but behave like ministers and nuns. We give and give and have personal lives like our patients yet are not seen as patients in times of need. The woman who stayed with me turned out to be a nurse, she allowed me to cry and hold her hand and be held, and to cry all I needed to. For that short time I could be small and helpless and in need. It brought me to the realization that now, finally I will go into therapy. I will discuss my own post traumatic stress disorder and not be afraid.

[Babs0512]

Sharon: I'm sorry you too have PTSD, but medication and therapy is helping me. I am at least able to go to work (not in the ER anylonger, but I'm still a nurse).

It takes time to work through, what's really bad is that insurance only covers 20 visits per year. That stinks. Our mental health is equally important as our physical health - in fact to achieve homeostasis, we need both.

Good luck, know your not alone, and if you want to hear my story, I'll tell you my version.

God Bless,

[zoeboboey]

Originally Posted by strugglingnurse

Im a long time reader who decided to finally post. This site is a major support for me!!

I was wondering, are there any nurses out there that struggle with ptsd due to child abuse??? If so, how does that impact your work, and how do you manage your symptoms???? Have you ever told anyone at work?? Any support groups you know of???

I really would appreciate your feedback here!!!


Thanks.

There are some posts under "nurses with disabilities" forum, mental health issues, depression, bipolar ...

God bless and take care!

[sharona97]

One of the ongoing struggles I have is the forgiveness factor.
I too was sexually and physically abused as a child, I have worked very hard to forgive and regain a healthy outlook of life.
What makes me feel so bad at times is that the people whom I've forgiven and discussed the emotions with will have told me the are sorry. We have tried to continue a relationship and then poof that person resorts back to the same behavior.
Of course I immediatley separate myself from them, but feel so terribble that again things just aren't dworking out to a happy medium.
So I continue with any sense of empowerment I have and keep working daily to keep it together. But it sure does make me sad that they aren't a part of my life.
This is about my mom.

[zoeboboey]

Originally Posted by sharona97

One of the ongoing struggles I have is the forgiveness factor.
I too was sexually and physically abused as a child, I have worked very hard to forgive and regain a healthy outlook of life.
What makes me feel so bad at times is that the people whom I've forgiven and discussed the emotions with will have told me the are sorry. We have tried to continue a relationship and then poof that person resorts back to the same behavior.
Of course I immediatley separate myself from them, but feel so terribble that again things just aren't dworking out to a happy medium.
So I continue with any sense of empowerment I have and keep working daily to keep it together. But it sure does make me sad that they aren't a part of my life.
This is about my mom.

I have the same struggle w/ some that I have forgiven. It IS hard.

If you want to read something real simple about what the Bible says about forgiveness go to http://christianity.about.com/od/wha...forgivenes.htm

There might be something you can use!

xo

[Sugargirl66]

I have PTSD I have been a nurse for 3years. It's from past abuses. I take medicine. Some days are better than others. I seek counseling. The trip is well worth it. Right now I'm struggling with the medication issue. I go to meetings when I can due to my schedule.

[zoeboboey]

Originally Posted by Sugargirl66

I have PTSD I have been a nurse for 3years. It's from past abuses. I take medicine. Some days are better than others. I seek counseling. The trip is well worth it. Right now I'm struggling with the medication issue. I go to meetings when I can due to my schedule.

Hey I am glad you are finding it worth it - Long strange trip that it is lol... I totally agree that it's worth it - YOU are - we are

[Babs0512]

My doctor just doubled my effexor dose, and started me on seriquil. He wants me to work the seriquil up to qid. I took my first one last night, didn't seem to affect me before bed, but when I woke up, I felt sooo out of it, my vision was blurred, couldn't keep my eyes open, my speech was thick. I had to call into work, I could not function.

I'm NOT asking for medical adivce, just if anyone else has been on this medicaton, how did it effect you, and how long before you were able to function on it.

I realize my case may be different from yours, just asking for your experiences.

Thanks Babs

[zoeboboey]

Originally Posted by Babs0512

My doctor just doubled my effexor dose, and started me on seriquil. He wants me to work the seriquil up to qid. I took my first one last night, didn't seem to affect me before bed, but when I woke up, I felt sooo out of it, my vision was blurred, couldn't keep my eyes open, my speech was thick. I had to call into work, I could not function.

I'm NOT asking for medical adivce, just if anyone else has been on this medicaton, how did it effect you, and how long before you were able to function on it.

I realize my case may be different from yours, just asking for your experiences.

Thanks Babs

It does take time but some do find Seroquel very sedating. Man, some of these meds, sigh... we need them to function and then can't function~

(((((((((( Babs)))))))))) xo