My name is RH and I'm a recovering drug addict! Like so many others I grew up in a very dysfunctional family where father's drinking was hid or denied (we're only as sick as our secrets), ignore it and it will go away, yadi, yadi, yadi! Played with drinking and drugs while in HS, never felt I was "good enough" or comfortable in my own skin! Moved away from family immediately after HS, had a child at 19, and quit toying with drinking or drugs. My daughter died at age 14 and was immediately taking Xanax and sleeping pills! Friends and family even came to funeral home with narcs in hand! Of course I didn't want to feel the emotional pain so off to the races I went, could never get enough to escape! Became pregnant again in 2 yrs. but never quit taking rx. narcs. Went on for many years because I could manipulate anyone into writing that rx. and then started diverting (stealing) narcs at work! Was completely demoralized because I always was considered the strong or best nurse where ever I worked! If they only knew! Needless to say I was caught and refused drug test! Not a good idea but if they had no proof I could deny it! NOT! Got the registered letter from BON and actually felt relief! I knew I could get help then! Went to tx for 60 days, and have now been clean for 3+ yrs. Am grateful every day for the help the BON has given me, go to AA meeting 3x/wk, nurse support meeting 1x/wk, pray to God numerous times per day and night and know that no matter what happens I never have to take narcs again! Interestingly enough, my son was diagnosed with same heart condition that killed my daughter within 2 months after coming out of tx. I could have not made sane decisions or got him the best medical care if actively using, so of course I think of that as a divine intervention! God had to have known and made all those decisions in timing! Every day is not a great day, but even my worst days now are better than my best days back then! So grateful I am, proud I am, and am very comfortable in my skin these days! I only have to be "good enough" to please God and He forgives imperfections in all of us! My recovery and every day is a gift and I treasure every 24 hrs. God has given me!
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