[RustyHalo]

Hi to all--

I've been visiting for a long while, but just got up the nerve to join and post. I'm a binge drinker, and am not happy about it. I've tried most of the major programs and read all the books, and am fine, for a week, a month, a year. Then, I get anxious and "check out" for a day or two.... I don't drive or work drunk[hungover, yes, but not drunk], I get drunk at home and stay there until I sleep it off. Every time my LFT's come back normal I feel like I have dodged a bullet.

My family of origin were normal social drinkers, as is my hubby. I was never abused, had a happy childhood, and am a Christian. I can have a glass of wine socially without a problem. I can also drink 3/4's of a 750 ml bottle and keep breathing.

I also don't care for group settings, which was really a problem (plus smoke) with AA. In addition, I live in a tiny southern town now, and don't trust remaining anonymous at all. In addition, I don't want to become soley focused in life on being an alcoholic, recovering or otherwise.I'm pretty happy and funtioning, except when anethestisized.

I welcome thoughts and input..but please don't read me the Blue Book. I've read it, too, and it doesn't speak to me (no offense to those to whom it does.) Words of wisdom and prayers both accepted!

Thanks.

[TheCommuter]

Welcome to our online community!

And thank you for taking the time and courage to share your story.

[Silverdragon102]

Welcome and thanks for posting

Hopefully someone can come and give you some advice

[busyrnandmom]

Hey Rusty! My name is Anne and I am an addict. I was turned in for diversion while at work in 1999 and completed the state's recovering nurses program. I have 7 years under my belt and I have to agree with you on the smoking issue at meetings. I live in the South also. I was glad to see you joing in the Nurses and Recovery here at allnurses.com. We have so many great members on this forum and they are a great source of information and support at any time. When they initiated the recovery aspect here, I was very nervous about joining in but it has really made a difference in my life. My hubbie is also an RN and in recovery. Please feel free to pm anytime if you would like to talk or vent. I am glad you chose to join in and glad to hear your story. Anne, RNC

[dfk]

Originally Posted by RustyHalo

Hi to all--

I've been visiting for a long while, but just got up the nerve to join and post. I'm a binge drinker, and am not happy about it. I've tried most of the major programs and read all the books, and am fine, for a week, a month, a year. Then, I get anxious and "check out" for a day or two.... I don't drive or work drunk[hungover, yes, but not drunk], I get drunk at home and stay there until I sleep it off. Every time my LFT's come back normal I feel like I have dodged a bullet.

My family of origin were normal social drinkers, as is my hubby. I was never abused, had a happy childhood, and am a Christian. I can have a glass of wine socially without a problem. I can also drink 3/4's of a 750 ml bottle and keep breathing.

I also don't care for group settings, which was really a problem (plus smoke) with AA. In addition, I live in a tiny southern town now, and don't trust remaining anonymous at all. In addition, I don't want to become soley focused in life on being an alcoholic, recovering or otherwise.I'm pretty happy and funtioning, except when anethestisized.

I welcome thoughts and input..but please don't read me the Blue Book. I've read it, too, and it doesn't speak to me (no offense to those to whom it does.) Words of wisdom and prayers both accepted!

Thanks.

well rusty,
i'm surely not going to give you the third degree..
and please don't take offense to anything i say, but only
as encouraging words in that i understand what you are
going thru...
with that said, i have a few concerns with what you have said..
going to work hungover does not eliminate being 'drunk'...
it can be six hours later, without a drink, and still be legally drunk..
with respect to your 'functioning' comment, i take personal heartache with that..
since my mother was also a 'functioning' alcoholic...
it's by no means a good progression, and thinking you can 'be a functioning' alcoholic
is certainly misleading, and can be detrimental both acutely and long term...
since your 'defensive' mechanisms and addictive traits ring out,
i guess i'm trying to figure out what it is you want from this thread...
again, no personal attack here, but i have many years of dealing with this,
and it never ends happily...
if you care to chat more, you can respond here, or p.m. me...
again, i have concern for you, your outcome, and the fact that you
take care of people in their most vulnerable state(s)...

[GrumpyRN63]

If you don't like group settings, how about trying an online recovery group ?? many different types AA,NA, ALANON , or just a message board to post or lurk for some ideas , might be better for your anonymity/privacy, in any event, I wish you luck, prayers and blessings

[BlueRidgeHomeRN]

Rusty--

My sister, who is in recovery, is also a private person and used online support to shake a opiate habit.

Good luck and prayers!!

[RustyHalo]

Originally Posted by dfk

well rusty,
i'm surely not going to give you the third degree..
and please don't take offense to anything i say, but only
as encouraging words in that i understand what you are
going thru...
with that said, i have a few concerns with what you have said..
going to work hungover does not eliminate being 'drunk'...
it can be six hours later, without a drink, and still be legally drunk..
with respect to your 'functioning' comment, i take personal heartache with that..
since my mother was also a 'functioning' alcoholic...
it's by no means a good progression, and thinking you can 'be a functioning' alcoholic
is certainly misleading, and can be detrimental both acutely and long term...
since your 'defensive' mechanisms and addictive traits ring out,
i guess i'm trying to figure out what it is you want from this thread...
again, no personal attack here, but i have many years of dealing with this,
and it never ends happily...
if you care to chat more, you can respond here, or p.m. me...
again, i have concern for you, your outcome, and the fact that you
take care of people in their most vulnerable state(s)...

No offense taken--what I am hoping to find is some wisdom that goes beyond the cookie-cutter AA group program, and to get some input from others who have walked this road.

If I sound defensive, I humbly apologize, its just that every time I've reached out in the past, I have had AA shoved at me as if it is the only recovery program on the planet. Trust me, cognitively I know as much as possible about alcohol abuse, but applying that knowledge is w-a-a- y different, as everyone here knows.

What I don't understand is why I can drink in public without cravings or getting drunk, stop after one or two, and be fine. When I'm not on a binge I can take it or leave it. When I'm not bingeing, I have trouble remembering why I do such a stupid thing in the first place. Then, when my anxiety gets pegged into the red zone, a little "what the hell" switch goes off, I buy a bottle...you know the rest. Once the hangover clears (and I do stay home until I'm just dehyrated w/a HA) I go back to eating well, exercising, and not drinking, except the affore mentioned social occasions. No one knows about my binges except my husband. I call off so infrequently that it doen't set off any alarms at work.

So..do I have an alcohol problem or an anxiety problem?? Does it matter? To me, only insofar as it affects my non-binge, "normal" use of alcohol. OK, enough fill in that maybe my story resonates with some one out there. I'm listening, will not be offended by honesty.

[OSoStressed]

Hi Rusty,

I would like to share my experience and concerns.

I have been a nurse for 13 years. In 2001 I was caught diverting narcotics and using them, it was not pretty. I entered IPN and all was well for the first 4 years of my 5 year contract. I did not even use when my father died which I would consider one of the most stressful times of my life. Somewhere in my 4th year I found my self using again and managed to make it through my last year without getting caught and graduated from IPN. In 2007 I moved to texas got my license there no problem since it wasnt on my florida license to begin with. Within 2 months of being here I was caught again and entered TPAPN which is only a 2 year contract. I have come to the conclusion that I am an addict and I am making every effort to find nursing employment that does not involve medications at all. I dont know what triggered my relapse it was something internal, it only took one and I was hooked again. I binged on narcotics and believe me it was slow at first and a gradual incline but when I was home I didnt think about it at all other than the shame of what I had done. After I was caught I was out of work for 3 months while getting treatment I didnt crave drugs as long as it wasnt around. I have never had an issue with alcohol but never say never right. I am not a fan of AA/NA it doesnt speak to me either but what I have learned is this, its the friends you make in recovery keep you sane and sober you find them in the most unusual places. Its a way of life that you can apply to just about anything. The main thing is to not tempt yourself by even occasionally drinking because it all adds up in the end. It is gradual addiction and it will kick you in the rump when you least expect it. Avoid being in my position and find what works for you but there is nothing wrong with "I dont drink" when someone offers you one they usually dont ask any questions and if they do just simply say it doesnt agree with me. If its the Alcoholic term that bothers you, dont use it, but know that you could be if you dont take steps to prevent it. Hopefully this makes some sense considering the different circumstances but it was just something I thought I had some input on.

Hope it helps