Originally Posted by krisssy
Southern RN Brat,
I think it may help a lot of people suffering with this disease right now to hear from you about your recovery. For example, what kind of services did you go to for help, how did you find them, what helped the most etc. Some people just don't know where to turn or how to start the process of recovery. Thank you. You give everyone afflicted with this disease so much hope for a better life. Thank you for sharing. Krisssy
For 5 months I went to counseling with EAP weekly and did weekly drug screens with my job. Noone at work knew but the DON and administrator and employee health. My EAP counselor begged me for those months to go to treatment but I thought I could do it on my own. I had turned myself in to my job but during those months found out I was being investigated by the BON from my last job I had left a year before. I ended up having to go in front of the screening board for the BON and they "helped" me make the decision to go to treatment
. lol
Actually they said I HAD to go, then sign a contract with TNPAP and my license is on probation until my contract is over. I have 2 more years to go now.
During those months that I just went to counseling and trying to stay clean on my own, I stayed clean thanks to the weekly drug screens. Other than that, nothing in my life changed. I thought that just by not using, I was recovering.
In AA they say "if nothing changes, nothing changes". Truer words were never spoken.
I went to Cornerstone of Recovery here in Knoxville. I am so lucky that one of the best rehab centers in the country is in my backyard! I didnt do inpatient treatment because I had been clean for so many months but now I wished I had. I went into their 8 week impaired professionals outpatient rehab and it changed my life.
When I got there, I was beat. Addiction had finally kicked my ass. I WANTED to be clean. They told me when I got there that I had done a pretty crappy job of running my own life and while I was there to let them be in control. It's that control that addicts dont want to give up. That's where the willingness comes in. I had to learn to be willing to let people help me. So I jumped into treatment with both feet. I was brutally honest with myself by being brutally honest with them. For the first time, I looked deep inside me and got to the root of my addictions. Thats a HUGE part of rehab...figuring out what makes you need to use...figuring out what is it in your life you are covering up and hiding from by using drugs/alcohol so you dont have to feel. It is about facing your fears.
They also say in AA that "our secrets keep us sick". It is so true! Once I finally was able to talk about the things that I felt were so horrible about me that if anyone ever knew they would run away as fast as they could, I found out I wasnt the only one that felt "that" way...no matter what "that" was! That was freedom for me! To be able to finally talk to people and not be afraid of judgement. I was able to identify issues in my life that were unresolved and start resolving them. I learned to love unconditionally the people I thought had done me wrong. Most of all though, I learned to love ME. The root of most addict's problems is that we have no self esteem. We hate ourselves and dont care if we die. Our drug loves us, it makes us feel better, it's always there for us. But it doesnt love us...it lies and wants to kill you. The more you use, the more you hate yourself and the more you cant stop.
I used to look in the mirror every day and say "I hate you! I wish youd die!". After treatment, I look in the mirror every day and say "I love you wendy!" and I mean it.
Along with working on your personal issues, treatment gives you tools to live clean and sober. You learn about triggers and the things that made you use. You learn coping skills that enable you to not HAVE to pick up that first drug ever again.
People dont relapse because they HAVE to, they relapse because the WANT to.
You get all kinds of assignments in treatment that are tailored for you. I did alot of work on self esteem, boundaries, perfectionism, co dependecy, anger. And the assignments I didnt get, I asked to have when I graduated so I could work on them at home lol.
I learned to love my "inner child". They gave me a teddy bear I named Little Wendy. I learned to love myself by loving her the way I should have been loved when I was little. She is now my best friend
She loves to play dressup and go shopping at Wal Mart. And I am teaching her to crochet
I had a great class in rehab called Relapse Prevention. In that class I learned to formulate a plan for when I wanted to use. Now I have a plan, and when using thoughts hit me...the plan goes into action! It has helped me more than once.
Treatment gave me a toolbox to carry around with the tools I need for life. All I have to do is open the toolbox now and I can make it thru anything.
After treatment, I signed a contract with TNPAP for 3 years. My license is on probation. Cornerstone also sent me to an addiction therapist. I still see her weekly. Along with drugs and alcohol, I am also addicted to sex and food. I work as hard with her as I did in treatment. This is MY life afterall, I am fighting for it!
I go to AA meetings 5 times a week. I remember at first when they told me I needed to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. I thought WHOOOOOOAA now thats too much. Ya know what? I sure as heck used every day. If I dont put as much into my recovery as I did my using, I will use again.
I got married last year on my one year sober birthday to the man of my dreams. He has been sober for 4 years and stood by me thru my addiction and treatment. I'm still in the same job....weekend supervisor, and I love it. I found out that Baylor is exactly what I need.
I also go to a nurse support group every week. It is required by TNPAP. And I still go to aftercare at Cornerstone.
I've seen alot of people say "i cant go to treatment. what will my family do while I'm gone? how will I pay for it?" and a million other reasons. You just do it. For once, you do something for yourself and you do it. The money will work out. Your family will survive. Your life is more important than a job. So you made need to take a job in a different field for a while. Thats ok. But when you come out on the other side........WOW! Life is waiting!!!!
Would you like to comment?
