[gianna2111]

I myself am in recovery only after I diverted after ten solid years of nursing. One day I just started. It has ruined my ER nursing life. My liscence revoked for five years, facing criminal charges multiple felonies and the loss of income. I am as rock bottom as you go. I hope I dont go to prison, I have children three daughters. I am clean now. I cry almost daily and I cant find any job. I await my criminal outcome and pray I end up with no felony. If I get a felony then I am not sure if I can ever practice again. I dont know what else to say. Dont divert. Not worth consequences. I have let myself and my family down. I am hoping I will get my nursing liscence back someday. Anyone with a similar circumstance?

[Blackcat99]

I think it's great that nurses go into recovery programs and overcome their drug addiction. However, I feel if I had a drug addiction problem I would not ever want to work around narcotics again. It would be too easy to relapse because of the easy access to narcotics. I would try to find a nursing job where I wouldn't be around narcotics period.

[gianna2111]

I agree. The problem is with a pending felonies and a revoked liscence who out there wants to hire me. The real shame is I got ten letters from Er Doctors who say I am an excellent RN, a good person and deserve not to be incarcerated but rehab. I just hope they take that into consideration. The other part is that I really loved my job. I am male RN, fast and moved those patients fast. I miss it so bad. I agree however I cant be around narcotics now that I have become an addict. I am in recovery but I so miss the fast ER life. I try each day to find a reason to stay alive. Right now my kids are all that I am holding onto.

[SmilingBluEyes]

Bless your heart, Gianna, I hope you find complete recovery and peace....I really do.

[cantoo]

Gianna, I am a recovering nurse addict. When I read your post, I wanted to just cry. I will tell you my story in the hope that it can help you in some small way.

I have been a nurse for many years. My background was in acute care. I had a tragedy in my life that left me desparate and depressed. My 17 y/o daughter was killed by a drunk driver. I tried to cope, but ended up leaving acute care. I then went into hospice nursing in an attempt to 'slow down' . Big mistake. I had never dealt with my grief. My patients would come to this in-patient facility with big brown bags from home full of all kinds of pain meds. Of coarse, we were supposed to waste them, get orders from our facility doctor and new meds would be sent from the pharmacy. One day, instead of wasting, I took them home with me. The nurse that relieved me every evening was older and too full of trust. She would just sign the sheet and trust that I had indeed flushed them all down the toilet. I did not look like one would think a diverter to look....if that makes any sense! I went from stealing a few percocet to copping whole bags of PCA dilaudid and morphine in a matter of months. I used IV every few hours just to keep from going into withdrawal. It got ugly fast. One day I woke up on the floor with my husband sitting next me drinking a cup of coffee. He said he was "watching" me breathe. He had known for quite some time that I was addicted to opiates. We made the decision that morning to call the BON and self report. I quit my job that day as well. I was ashamed, embarrassed, degraded. I felt like killing myself. My husband stayed by my side for weeks while I sweat, rolled around on the floor and threw up everywhere. I was told by IPN that I couldn't work as a nurse for at least six months. We had to move. I had to sell my car. It would take pages to tell you of all the restrictions I had to adhere to. The main concern for me was learning to deal with my grief in the real world without drugs. It wasn't easy.

That was almost five years ago. I am now back to nursing and doing well. I humbled myself and let go of that fast paced life and adrenalin based acute care mind set and went to work in a LTC faility. Other nurses had to pass my narcs for the first year. They all knew my story. I am now the Director of Nurses.....as of this week! The woman that hired me turned out to be a God send for me and never did she doubt my abilities. She taught me that just because a person is an addict that doesn't mean they can't be a good nurse with the right support. She is moving on to bigger and better things and I will miss her so much.

We nurses are human beings. Sometimes we screw up. That doesn't mean we can't get back on track and be good nurses again. It can be done....not easy, but it can be done. If you love what you do, and from your post I believe you do, then you can go back to nursing. It may not be in the same capacity, but there is a place out there for you where you will be valued as the good nurse that you are.

Gianna, I wish you much luck and please know that I will be rooting for you. We need good nurses and I believe you made a mistake, will learn from it and be an even better nurse because of it. My prayers are with you!!!!!!

Cantoo....now we all know where that screen name comes from...LOL!!

[Bipley]

Cantoo...

I have a question for you. I've always wondered if it makes a difference to the BON if one self reports vs. someone else reporting you? Do they view things differently?

[cantoo]

I don't know for sure, but I think the answer would be "yes". It makes a difference. The person I spoke to on the phone that day I called simply gave me the number to my states assistance program and didn't even take my name....not that I offered it! I am still in a monitoring program and will be done in just a few months after five long years. I am anonymous to my state board.

[steelcityrn]

I personally have a zero tolorence for a nurse who has stolen medication and or uses drugs and is able to keep a nursing license.

[gianna2111]

Thanks Cantoo. I live in Arizona and I have been given numerous chances. I relapsed many times however. Now I am in the court system. My lawyer says he can only defend me legally. The board has nothing to do with me being my liscence is now revoked. I made it today. Tommorrow I start again. I only hope prison does not happen to me. I also hope no felony. I just needed rehab and support. I believe with the amount of charges the facilities are bringing against me I will be incarcerated. I cried when I read what you wrote cantoo.

Thanks again

[sirI]

Originally Posted by steelcityrn

I personally have a zero tolorence for a nurse who has stolen medication and or uses drugs and is able to keep a nursing license.

I'm sure you mean you have a zero tolerance for those who are actively diverting/stealing?