[sweetsmiles10363]

i had a pt the other noc, 100% occluded--running only on peripherals, scheduled for a CABG in the am. Heparin and nitro gtts, obviously. Sharp, sharp woman. she was nauseous during the night, so vagaled down with SBP up to 200, than came right back down in the 140's. Well, she started having some expressive aphasia at about 3 am, disoriented, ect. I called the doc, got a CT scan ordered (course he said "are you sure somethings wrong, and it's not just the morphine you gave her 4 hours ago??") and what did they find? tumors and bleeds. Surprise!!! Doc called the family, and 24 hours later, the patient was dead.

She didn't even get to say goodbye to her husband. And i think i'm still in shock from the whole thing. it's not supposed to happen like that. she's only supposed to be in the hospital 5/6 days. I'm not supposed to dose her with a drug that will shorten her life to the point that she can't even say goodbye to her family! i'm supposed to keep her safe. I know i did everything right...i did my job well, i just feel awful.

5 tumors in her brain and lots of bleeds. another tumor in her lung. i'm going to her funeral in a couple of days, God, i hope her husband doesn't recognize me, i wouldn't know what to say. i feel like it's my fault...i hung that heparin, she deteriorated on my watch, and it happened so fast. My brain keeps saying that it's not my fault, but i don't now how to get rid of this feeling.

thanks for listening guys, i'll update when i'm less depressed


*don't ever quit smiling. If you force yourself to act happy, eventually,that's what you'll become*

[MissAnthrope]

Sounds like you did everything you were supposed to do. I also feel gut-punched when things like this happen, but the longer I work in this field, the more I believe in fate. I don't know how else to explain some of the things I see.

[ukstudent]

Some people come into the hospital already dead. The body just has not realized it yet.

You did nothing wrong. What do you think would happen if you had not hung the heparin that night? Do you think she would be alive, because she wouldn't be. Do you think she would have said good bye to her husband any different than she did when admitted for the CABG? I doubt it.

If she hadn't bled that night it would have happened on the OR table with the same results.

[ghillbert]

She had tumors, so a limited time to live in any case. If it was me, I'd rather go suddenly. Go ahead and grieve, then get over it and go on to the next patient who needs you. When these things don't get to you, it's time to stop nursing.