[zoeboboey]

Originally Posted by sharona97

What a dyslexic post. I was trying to write two passages for the New Season in Christ right around the corner, I apologize that I made an inarticulate statement and one that makes no sense. The comment intended was Thanks be to Christ.

Sharona

Whenever you write a post and want to change it, just go back to it, click "edit", fix it, click "save", and no one will be the wiser - hopefully (chuckle)

[sharona97]

Originally Posted by zoeboboey

Hi honey, off and on struggling w/ depression - not HORRID depression but enough so i don't really want to get out of bed and be sociable and stuff - so it is WORK - sigh...

Just got over this little bit of flu too and that made it even harder. I still have residual pain in my upper arms (stinging and aching!), shoulders, neck... weak ... ugh. Would rather stay home than be working but I KNOW working is better for me.

I did get my permanent and total disability on my student loans. That is a mixed blessing - I am happy that $21,000 in debt is now off my shoulders - but to see in print that I am truly disabled (more so than what social security requires...) it kinda feels strange. Sad.

I know it must be hard to to ever expect those kinds of blessings. I'm in the works of one of those now. And so it is hope. I really hope you can read that book, it talks alot about the despair you just wrote about and easily related too, from that perspective. At least that's what I took from it.

I too had the influenza 2 weeks ago first time ever. Was worse than the whooping cough. At least I was working undiagnosed w/pertussis as pecular as that sounds.

Still seeing a psychologist concerning my mom's Lung CA and imminent death approaching. (Long story). Everyday is a struggle to feel the acceptance of society in certain areas,(that don't have a clue to the horrible conquest effortly made each day), but then again all you can do (as you keep telling me), coninue with me in all ways and He will give us what we need or the strength to carry on......hopefully.

Hope you are feeling better soon and know how much I miss you and the way you made me laugh my fool head off!

Happy Easter!

[zoeboboey]

Originally Posted by sharona97

I know it must be hard to to ever expect those kinds of blessings. I'm in the works of one of those now. And so it is hope. I really hope you can read that book, it talks alot about the despair you just wrote about and easily related too, from that perspective. At least that's what I took from it.

I too had the influenza 2 weeks ago first time ever. Was worse than the whooping cough. At least I was working undiagnosed w/pertussis as pecular as that sounds.

Still seeing a psychologist concerning my mom's Lung CA and imminent death approaching. (Long story). Everyday is a struggle to feel the acceptance of society in certain areas,(that don't have a clue to the horrible conquest effortly made each day), but then again all you can do (as you keep telling me), coninue with me in all ways and He will give us what we need or the strength to carry on......hopefully.

Hope you are feeling better soon and know how much I miss you and the way you made me laugh my fool head off!

Happy Easter!

Thanks for the book recommendation. Happy Easter to you too! I cannot believe it's already here - then again it is early this year.

As to your mom dying, my dad had his bladder removed in Jan for bladder cancer, and the urethra and prostate, he is slowly recuperating but he is not the same man. And knows it too which kills him, he is so used to being active and happy and doing for everybody ELSE. Right now tho he is vacationing in FL (doesn't have to do much, just lay in the sun, sleep, get waited on LOL). Anyway - hard to come to terms w/ him not being around esp since there were so many years we hardly even SPOKE. God did a marvelous healing of that relationship.

Plus he doesn't realy lean on FAITH, he relies on himself, and self is starting to fall apart. Sigh...

Anyway - nice talkin w/ ya - yeah I can still be funny -

xo

[sharona97]

Zoey,

Totally hear you about the disassociation with your dad before you relationship healed.
Mom and I have had a tough go of it all my life, but I guess you keep your hopes up that things will turn around someday.

Someday............


Sharona

[zoeboboey]

Originally Posted by sharona97

Zoey,

Totally hear you about the disassociation with your dad before you relationship healed.
Mom and I have had a tough go of it all my life, but I guess you keep your hopes up that things will turn around someday.

Someday............


Sharona

I don't know if you read it elsewhere but my anxiety is starting to plague me a bit - I was supposed to go on a plane to see my son yesterday but couldn't get on the plane I've had a bit of depression too but I don't know which came first. I wonder if it has to do with my having gotten that "total disability" for my school loan ... ugh...

(((((((((( Sharona ))))))))) I could be closer to my mom but she doesn't really initiate anymore - I could go visit her more, or call her more, but I guess I am still protecting myself!

[sharona97]

I believe the battles we are forced to deal with concerning our disabled health that disrupts our career for starters, then infiltrates into other areas of our lives is a huge impact in how we associate ourselves as "being a failure, or feeling guilty, or geez I had to enact the paperwork for self-preservation.

I can honestly understand how that creeping depression comes back.
For me it especially hits daily becauseI'm not in the presence of patients and nursing. But todayI am going for a Reasearch Job or Volunteer. Tomorrow I may feel what in the world.

Add support systems: failing family suppport....( for your sanity I too know where I've placed my boundaries with mine). I hate it, but I don't tolerate abuse. Period.

I'm so sorry for this rough patch Zoey, Honey you did what YOU had to do for survival. I really honestly understand but I have a hard time ACCEPTING that this has happened to me and maybe that is how you are feeling it too. I don't know.

I will forever keep you in my prayers, and I love to share posts with you. HOPE they keep coming!


(((((((((((((Sharona))))))))))))))))))))))):redpin khe

[zoeboboey]

Originally Posted by sharona97

I believe the battles we are forced to deal with concerning our disabled health that disrupts our career for starters, then infiltrates into other areas of our lives is a huge impact in how we associate ourselves as "being a failure, or feeling guilty, or geez I had to enact the paperwork for self-preservation.

I can honestly understand how that creeping depression comes back.
For me it especially hits daily becauseI'm not in the presence of patients and nursing. But todayI am going for a Reasearch Job or Volunteer. Tomorrow I may feel what in the world.

Add support systems: failing family suppport....( for your sanity I too know where I've placed my boundaries with mine). I hate it, but I don't tolerate abuse. Period.

I'm so sorry for this rough patch Zoey, Honey you did what YOU had to do for survival. I really honestly understand but I have a hard time ACCEPTING that this has happened to me and maybe that is how you are feeling it too. I don't know.

I will forever keep you in my prayers, and I love to share posts with you. HOPE they keep coming!


(((((((((((((Sharona))))))))))))))))))))))):redpin khe

Thank you Sharona, you understand me - it really helps!

I feel much better this week - taking better care of myself, and really I made the best decision I could have made - I feel good about it now. Even tho yes, I hate it!!! at the same time ...

but... acceptance does make me a lot less miserable, and apprehensive. So, onward!!

So tell me more about the research/volunteer? I am looking to do more too. That fine balance of what I can do versus totally humiliating myself ROFL!

xo

[sharona97]

Originally Posted by zoeboboey

Thank you Sharona, you understand me - it really helps!

I feel much better this week - taking better care of myself, and really I made the best decision I could have made - I feel good about it now. Even tho yes, I hate it!!! at the same time ...

but... acceptance does make me a lot less miserable, and apprehensive. So, onward!!

So tell me more about the research/volunteer? I am looking to do more too. That fine balance of what I can do versus totally humiliating myself ROFL!

xo

I went to my GI specialist and brought a resume as they have a nice research dept. I had to have a test scheduled at the hospital and the scheduler saw I had a resume and offered to intraoffice it. I thought hmmmmm should I or shoudn't I. I said great, thank you. She gave me a card with a number to f/u with and low and behold in 4 days the corporate office called me. We spoke of my disability, my attributes before the disability and what I have to offer now and what I am working towards goal- wise. They are to call me this week. Thank you Jesus!!!!

I'll keep you posted. I bought Marie Shriver's book:Who do I want to be, she was on Oprah. It's a great little book, easy to read, definetly relatable and I'll start from there. Baby steps, remember goofball? You're quote to me Ha! Miss ya and I hope you are feeling and doing better.

((((((Sharona)))))))

[zoeboboey]

Originally Posted by sharona97

I went to my GI specialist and brought a resume as they have a nice research dept. I had to have a test scheduled at the hospital and the scheduler saw I had a resume and offered to intraoffice it. I thought hmmmmm should I or shoudn't I. I said great, thank you. She gave me a card with a number to f/u with and low and behold in 4 days the corporate office called me. We spoke of my disability, my attributes before the disability and what I have to offer now and what I am working towards goal- wise. They are to call me this week. Thank you Jesus!!!!

I'll keep you posted. I bought Marie Shriver's book:Who do I want to be, she was on Oprah. It's a great little book, easy to read, definetly relatable and I'll start from there. Baby steps, remember goofball? You're quote to me Ha! Miss ya and I hope you are feeling and doing better.

((((((Sharona)))))))

You are pretty amazing GF!

And "Who do you think you are" (not "Who do you want to be") calling me GOOFBALL!!! ha ha ha!

Hey good luck and God's blessings to you! xo