here's a long story, i hope i don't bore you with details.
nursing is my second career and very cherished. i started working in CCU in '06 and i love my unit and my job. i have an old back injury and chronic pain which i learned to manage. that injury got aggravated two weeks ago when i pulled my back muscle while turning a patient. i went through ER and employee health, got muscle relaxers, pain pills and one week off work. thursday i returned to work and i realized that i was not ready to be back even with the restrictions that i have. i wasn't lifting anything greater than a few pounds and tried to limit bending to a minimum. my back kept spazzing and i kept a warm blanket on myself most of the night.
given that i have no family in the country, and my boyfriend's in school and waiting tables (blah blah) i tried to do my best to work within these restrictions. i felt that if i could not work that my livelihood was at stake. not good enough, though, as a coworker decided that my not checking pt's bottom in space of two hours (pt was 450lbs on bariatric bed, so this was a five-people effort) was enough to turn me in to supervisor who then got onto me for not maintaining the standard, questioned my nursing practice and left me feeling badly about myself. the thing is, diligent turning of these heavy people is what got my back hurt to begin with. unfortunately a lot of our patients are in excess of 300lbs. i was really upset because i knew that i was not giving the optimum care to my patient. well, basically i was choosing between pt's back(side) and my own.
i lost some sleep over this, and today i talked to clinical manager. i felt that i could not afford to get injured again. he suggested that i wait a few weeks and see how the back does before i make a life-altering decision. the situation with the super surely didn't help but the thing is, even if my back gets better i am very worried that i could hurt it again, possibly in a way that may disable me permanently. i am seriously considering changing jobs before something like that occurs even if that means leaving the unit and environment that i like.
i also feel very guilty because my unit is chronically short-staffed and i feel that if i left, i would be leaving my unit in a bind. i am somewhat reluctantly looking for jobs in procedural setting or perhaps with preemies.
i know that thousands of nurses get hurt on the job every year and that this is not the worst that could happen but i feel that my world has crashed a little. i just hope i last for next couple of weeks while i'm looking for another job.
Would you like to comment?
