Not a book, but a resource I've found really helpful is
Pallimed, a blog that shares critiques of recent EOL literature. Run by 2 MDs (one of whom is the editor for Fast Facts, both of whom I believe are also faculty of palliative care programs) and an NP. They have also just expanded to include sister sites, one a cultural one (film, non-research literature, etc) and the other that are case studies. Good info and good people (if you go to an HPNA/AAHPM conference, their gatherings are fun).
As to the use of the term end-of-life, I use it all the time, but I'm also an academic. It's useful b/c hospice has become a very limited term that r/t people who meet specific Medicare criteria in the U.S. I suppose one could say hospice and palliative care, but I have a problem with that because everyone should be receiving palliative care. We can talk about people with chronic, terminal conditions, or life-limiting illnesses, or...the reality is that we still do not have universally accepted language for what happens or what we do when people's time in their present body becomes clearly limited.
As for the person who found palliative care an awful phrase, they really don't get what it is. Palliative care is care that focuses on symptoms and quality of life. Why shouldn't someone who is getting some kind of active treatment also be having their symptoms palliated? And be engaged in conversations that check whether or not their current plan of care is in keeping with their values, wishes, and goals? That's my understanding of palliative care.
Furthermore, while I understand why people cannot, in general have tx and hospice, it really is sometimes a shame. Having seen people with terrible boney mets get incredible symptom relief from radiation or bisphosphonates or a venting g-tube it just seems so short sighted to not be able to offer those things. Also, having seen people miss out on the psychological, emotional and family support that comes with hospice b/c they had reasons to continue tx seems inhumane. But that's the reality of medicine in the US isn't it?
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