[JNT'smom]

I am considering looking into a job at Hospice, but when I read different posts and can't help crying, I wonder if I'd be able to handle it emotionally. I got into nursing because I love helping people, especially the elderly. Someone suggested Hospice and it sounds very rewarding, but I just don't know if I'm too emotional for the job. Isn't the nurse supposed to be strong for the patient and family, do I need to consider something else?

[Katillac]

Originally Posted by JNT'smom

I am considering looking into a job at Hospice, but when I read different posts and can't help crying, I wonder if I'd be able to handle it emotionally. I got into nursing because I love helping people, especially the elderly. Someone suggested Hospice and it sounds very rewarding, but I just don't know if I'm too emotional for the job. Isn't the nurse supposed to be strong for the patient and family, do I need to consider something else?

It's my belief that the hospice nurse doesn't necessarily need to "be strong" for the patient and family; Sometimes my puddling up is just the thing to do, and sometimes I need to remain very stoic. What I am careful to do is try make sure that my response is appropriate for that patient and family, and that it's not all about me. Sharing and empathizing with their sadness is fine, but I don't do my personal grieving in front of family and patient. If I feel that I don't have my own response under control or can't respond in a way that's best for the situation, I back out until I can get myself together.

To me, it's not about whether I cry or don't cry, it's about keeping the focus on the patient and family, and that's not always easy. If that would be a persistent struggle for you, it may prove to be a big challenge in your hospice work.

I had a case recently in our hospice facility in which the patient was in the end stages of what my mom is going through right now. It was very difficult to see the adult children at the bedside at the death and not put myself in their shoes and fall apart. THAT'S where I needed to be strong, to remember my professionalism so I could deal with their issues and not mine at that time.

Congratulations to you for recognizing that this may be an issue and looking at it now! Good luck with your decision making.

[Severina]

As you get into the field and get used to seeing things, you may toughen up some. For me its all about perspective. If I can put things in a certain light, or maintain a certain point of view, I deal very well. For me, alot of it hinges on spirituality. Since I have a very strong spiritual belief system, death is not the end, but just a transition to something else, and often when I expect to feel sad, I wind up feeling overjoyed that this person is finally free.
You do have to get pretty tough, though, because you see EVERYTHING. You deal with all ages usually, and a variety of diseases, family structures, and belief systems, and backgrounds that there is bound to be cases that get to everybody. It also helps, not getting really close and entwined with patients and families so that you don't have so much personal grief.
I had an experience when I first started nursing where I did private duty for a little girl for two years full time. She, of course became like my own child and when she died, I was crushed totally. I realized that I couldn't go through that again, so now that I'm in full time hospice, I think that this experience taught me some toughness and professional distance.
It is always a fine line to walk for all nurses how to be empathetic and caring for patients and families, but not enmeshed in what they are going through.
If you like geriatrics, maybe long term care is the place to start where you would kind of 'get your feet wet' so to speak. You'll see death & dying to be sure but wouldn't be totally surrounded by it.
Just a thought.

Severina

[Puckster]

I agree with Severina. I think a spiritual foundation is important. I do not necessarily mean some specified religious one. I think the ability to see death as a transition and not an end. At the level I work my pts. are usually very close so I interact more with the family usually. You wil find most pts in hospice care know exactly why they are there, some family do not or are in complete denial. That will be a big part of your job. It can be very humbling but also very rewarding. Good luck

[earle58]

i personally too, believe in having a very strong spirituality; that you are assisting your patient to go from here to there.
if i didn't have my core beliefs about this transitioning, i don't think i could be a hospice nurse.
and there is a fine balance between distancing oneself and getting involved.
and yes, i have cried with families.
each situation is unique with the outcome always being death.
to me, i feel it is a privilege to do what i do.
perhaps you may want to shadow a hospice nurse to get a feel of what they do and how you react.

wishing you peace,

leslie

[KrisRNwannabe]

I know hospices in my area are always looking for volunteers. why not try it for a few weeks and see how you do. My aunt (hospice nurse for 20+ years) believes that all nurses have a niche that makes them totally comfortable with the circumstances that surround there job. Like her for instance, she could never work in Peds, it is just to emotionally taxing for her. She loves hospice. she thinks it helps her with dealing process to know that these people are coming to her to die. she knows this and understands it. she knows here job is to make their final days as painless as possible. For her it was hard to work in wards with death was not as expected as it was in hospice. like working in ER with accident victims. She tells me that when someone passes the cries with the family, laughs with them and remembers. she says you get to know all these people. she also believes that most of the time, the family members are also patients too. good luck in what ever you choose, I think you will do great