[peachyleeRN]

Hi Everyone,
I am new to this site and have seen the wonderful feedback and support you have given to each other.That is why I am here asking this question to all of you.
I have been a nurse for about 2 and a half years. I went to school in my early thirties after already having a decent career in quality control for a publisher. I had many reasons for wanting to go to nursing school, some of them based on really wanting to have more meaning in what I do everyday and some based on finances. After school, I really believed that I wanted to work in the OR/a less emotional environment because it might be safe for a feeler like myself.Not the right choice,not that I knock it, for the right person. I really worked for that job too and waited all summer to get it only to find that I felt so empty and lost. (sometimes I think a higher power tries to tell us something when we don't get what we want but we are too stubborn to hear it)No experience is a bad one because I did learn about myself. I came home crying everyday because I felt so empty and felt I made a wrong choice about becoming a nurse. My husband, bless his soul, told me I felt empty because I was not being true to my real nature, I was trying to avoid emotion because of my past losses. How right he was!!!!!!!I had lost my mother to cancer as a teen, it was horrible.No hospice, in the hospital and I lived devastated for years by the experience.Also, my 14yo daughter has a chronic illness that has exposed us to pediatric oncology patients over the years. At first, I would shy away from the families, not now.I am just now embracing who I am instead of running away from my fears.I had left the OR for the NICU and that has helped me find myself and not fear the things that make me ----me. People ask me all the time how I can do it,I say because it is closer to who I am, I cry but out of caring and love , not because I hate my job and that is a big difference.But it still is not the place for me yet, I just feel it.I want more, I want to spend time with my patients,not have different ones everytime I walk through the door.I like bonding with the families and "being there"for them I wish I had that with my mom and maybe I wouldn't have spent 10 years lost and sad.I have really come to terms with myself and have prayed for this because I hate the politics of nursing in the hospital, just hate it.It is no longer about money either, I know what I need to make my bills and be happy. When I think about being a hospice nurse, I feel a sense of well-being that I have missed for a long time,it feels "right".
What do you experienced nurses think???I am a feeler and a talker, I cry easily , I care A LOT!!!I am a deep thinker and believe there is more than what we see everyday, and I embrace the human touch. And, I am sick of trying to put those parts of me aside. Do you think I might be feeling my calling finally???Sorry so long, I just really need some support. I am at the point where the more I continue in the hospital, the more shut down I feel.Thanks for your thoughts.

[shrinky]

I tooo am a feeler and cry just talking about Hospice to other people. I was the student that was told I wouldn't make it because I feel too much and get involved with patients. Well I have been a nurse for 40 years and a Hospice nurse for 7 and this time I made the right choice. I love what I do now and will continue until I retire or until God tells me to do something else. Spending that quality one on one time during the end of life is so rewarding and I am blessed. It is an honor to go on this journey with my patients and their families. I sing and pray and love them in addition to the other great things we do to make them comfortable and peaceful. Listen to your heart, and yes there is a higher being telling you what to do and it took me a long time to listen to HIM.

[eternalsunshine]

Originally Posted by peachyleeRN

What do you experienced nurses think???I am a feeler and a talker, I cry easily , I care A LOT!!!I am a deep thinker and believe there is more than what we see everyday, and I embrace the human touch. And, I am sick of trying to put those parts of me aside. Do you think I might be feeling my calling finally???Sorry so long, I just really need some support. I am at the point where the more I continue in the hospital, the more shut down I feel.Thanks for your thoughts.

Hi Peachylee, I am just like you, I am very easily touched by people and do get emotional easily. I think this type of compassionate person make great palliative care nurses. Why don't you contact your local hospice and arrange to go and talk with them, perhaps do a couple of shifts as a volunteer and get a "feel" for the environment. You will quicly know if it is for you or not, my thoughts are that you will love it. It is the most rewarding and as Shrinky said, an honour to care for people during this final journey of their lives. I say Go for it! what have you got to lose!!!

[peachyleeRN]

Thank you for your replies. It is such a help to hear a perspective from others. I can't say how much your support and words mean to me. I have begun to feel alone in nursing sometimes because most times when you admit how you feel, your own peers show very little compassion because that is how they may have been treated or how they survive.How refreshing to see nurses actually CARE about each other.

[tencat]

Hospice is very rewarding, and I feel like I've found my place as a nurse. It is an emotionally draining and spirit taxing job, but it is worthwhile and I certainly end the day feeling like I've actually done something 'important' during my day at work. It will force you to look at your own losses and fears regarding death and dying. Try it out. As another poster said, you'll find out pretty quickly if it's for you or not.

[sassysteph7]

I just recently started w/Hospice on a perdiem basis. I've been there 2 weeks doing orientation and I can already tell that I LOVE IT! My story...all during nursing school I kept questioning if nursing was for me. Not because I didn't want to be a nurse-I do...but because w/each clinical rotation I would say "well this isn't me, what can I do, what kind of nurse do I want to be. I accepted an ICU position because I thought the interaction w/the families would be great and I could be a blessing in time of need. I lasted 3 months and quickly found out that the ICU was NOT the place for me. I went back to LTC (was a cna) and even though I enjoy LTC because I do get to interact w/residents and their families, I often feel rushed and don't get to take the time I'd like to.

I'd recommend that you contact your local Hospice and fill out an application. If they offer you a position you can shadow w/someone before you accept the position.

Good luck,
Steph

[gt4everpn]

yes, lately Ive been thinking about hospice, my facility has a unit, I am interested in learning a great deal, but embarrased as I am to say, the dead bodies part of it scares me! I wanna challenge myself though!! any thoughts??

[Allow Mystery]

Originally Posted by gt4everpn

yes, lately Ive been thinking about hospice, my facility has a unit, I am interested in learning a great deal, but embarrased as I am to say, the dead bodies part of it scares me! I wanna challenge myself though!! any thoughts??

dead bodies would scare me too, I perceive a living soul, and a gift to be able to tend. Best wishes!

[PeacePisceRN]

Originally Posted by gt4everpn

yes, lately Ive been thinking about hospice, my facility has a unit, I am interested in learning a great deal, but embarrased as I am to say, the dead bodies part of it scares me! I wanna challenge myself though!! any thoughts??

I thought dead bodies would be bad for me too. But I have now been working in hospice for two years, and really, they don't! At a death, I treat that patient (yes even gone still our patients) as I would want my family treated at their time of death. I clean them up, change their clothes if necessary, and always try to place their bodies in positions which make them look comfortable and at peace. It is the last thing you can do for that patient and the families really appreciate it. I have found that hospice is the most rewarding job I have ever had, in healthcare and out of it. Good luck!

[earle58]

i started with hospice nsg upon graduating from school.
i then left for close to a yr., and returned.
have been with it since.

there are weeks, that i feel i can't give anymore.
my soul, spirit and body are completely drained.
but through the grace of God, i am given strength at the beginning of ea new work day.
there are times i wonder what else is out there.
but after much thought, i just can't imagine any other specialty bringing the rewards that hospice nsg does.
and so, i'll stay, until it is my time to die.

leslie