[registerednut1221]

jbp---I ALWAYS get bummed around Christmas. I have bpd and this is just not a good time of year for me. So many people look at this as such a magical time of year, but all it ever seems to mean for me is that another year has come and nearly gone and I feel as though I have nothing much to show for it. It just adds more stress and failed expectations to an already hectic life. This year I have rebelled and refused to even put up a tree and I am usually the first person to volunteer for over time to allow me an escape from all the "gatherings." I just tell everyone..."Sorry, I'm working that day." I'm sorry for all that you are dealing with. I have no answers for you, but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[S.T.A.C.E.Y]

Ya. Holidays can be a bummer for a number of reasons. Have you considered maybe "skipping" them?

"Oh, sorry Mom & Dad, I have to work 5 twelve hour shifts in a row"

"I've decided to shake things up a bit this year and spend christmas with a friend across the country"

"I found this great christmas vacation deal a couple of months ago, and booked it right away. It's already paid for and I leave on the 23rd" (Even if you booked it last week, and it really wasn't a deal). You may be able to get an awesome deal for Christmas now, and in turn work someone's new years shifts!


Ya it may be running away from the problem, but hey the problem isn't going to get fixed anytime soon anyways right.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you somehow end up having a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

[danissa]

Originally Posted by teeituptom

Not me I love the holidays Im ecstatic My wife and I are also celebrating the 30 th anniversary for us. We spent a few days in Destin, We spent a few days in Clearwater beach, Now we are in Kissimmee, partying at Disneyworld, Universal, and Seaworld for a week, without our kids of course. Then to Cocoa Beach, and then to St Augustine Beach.......Holidays are absolutely wonderfull


Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year Ya'll


Ho HO HO and a bottle of egg nog

Tom, I always enjoy your posts and your somewhat way off humour. Usually get it, and have a laugh. But this was a post below the belt. This poster was lookin for support, no rubbin a nose in a bad situation. You didn't need to post on this thread, the op is only lookin for a wee shoulder, not a nose rubbed in egg nog!!!! Go back and swing your sticks dear Tom!!

[callmekipling]

Poor jpb. I wish I could say I know how that feels, but I don't. I've some good friends that are headed in that direction, and I know how sad and a little scary and, more often than we'd willingly admit, outright lame it can be.

If I could offer advice, it'd be to spend time with people that lift you up. Your hubby, your kids. If you can't help your parents, leave them alone. I know it hurts, but it'll hurt more if you follow them where they're headed.

I agree that working a lot over a holiday makes it very much an unholiday. Things are getting loopy round these parts, with traffic and shopping, and the nurses are starting to get into the spirit. Maybe having to make the best of things (e.g. working on christmas) inspires one to... y'know... make the best of things.

[jbp0529]

Originally Posted by callmekipling

Poor jpb. I wish I could say I know how that feels, but I don't. I've some good friends that are headed in that direction, and I know how sad and a little scary and, more often than we'd willingly admit, outright lame it can be.

If I could offer advice, it'd be to spend time with people that lift you up. Your hubby, your kids. If you can't help your parents, leave them alone. I know it hurts, but it'll hurt more if you follow them where they're headed.

I agree that working a lot over a holiday makes it very much an unholiday. Things are getting loopy round these parts, with traffic and shopping, and the nurses are starting to get into the spirit. Maybe having to make the best of things (e.g. working on christmas) inspires one to... y'know... make the best of things.

Thanks for your reply. I dont think there is much advice to be offered. I dont even know if i was looking for advice. But it helps all the same. I just wanted a place to vent a little, and everyone's responses have helped. I already feel better and appreciate everyone's input.

[LoriRN2B]

I can feel your pain in your post and it pulls at my heart. Quite honestly, the best thing I ever did for myself was to distance myself from the insanity. I love my family, but I cannot change them. It took me almost 31 years to come to terms with this, and yes, at 39 I still become wistful at the holidays. I wish I could have had a mother who was a "mom" to me. I wish I had had the picture perfect family holidays. There will always be a small part of me that grieves for what I will never have.

I have my own family these days and I focus on being the kind of Mom I wanted to my little girl. Not a day goes by that she doesn't hear the words "I Love You" or get showered in hugs and kisses. I guess I think in this way I can make some of the wrongs right, or in the least break the chain. I read a book that helped me, it was called Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families. If you can find it I highly recommend it.

I pray peace for you in this Holiday Season. Please know there are many out here who can relate to you and your feelings. Many, many hugs to you.....

[Lindz]

I have a close friend who's in a similar situation with her mother. It was very apparant when we were in middle school that her mom's an alcoholic, but things have just gone down the toilet in the last year. My friend's baby just turned 1 this summer and she's expecting #2 next year. It has gotten to the point where my friend has had to cut her mom from her life. She has made it abundantly clear that if her mom is willing to go to rehab and clean up then she is welcome back. So far she has no desire for anything but the booze. My girlfriend realizes she must do what is best for her and her family. So she surrounds herself with close, healthy family members and friends. It hurts her so much to cut her mom off, but not as much as the alcoholic binges and rages.

[psalm]

The holidays, any holiday or birthday, was always an ordeal growing up with my father. He'd make sure there would be a fight with my mom, and later on, with any/all of us kids, and any relatives that were in attendance. So I understand and hope you will consider just "skipping" time with them this Christmas. They are adults and have made their choice. You don't have to skip Christmas, just them.

I am 600 miles away from my dad and when we go every few years for a visit, the nighmares start months before and then continue for months afterwards. Sometimes just a phone call or letter can trigger them. So hugs to you, love them from a distance and don't feel guilty, Dear One. The depression isn't worth it. Start your own traditions with people who care.

[katfishLPN]

I completely understand and have felt the same way for similar reasons. That is until I went to couseling and learned to put physical and emotional distance between my mom and myself. I still talk to her but I have a boundary I do not let her cross! There was a time if I could have skipped November/December altogether I would have. I always chose to work and spend the holidays with my work family.
Now I am married with 2 little boys and I am enjoying the holidays so much more now. Now I am the mom that does not drink and makes the holidays happy and stable for my husband and kids. I hope someday you can have that too. I do completely understand what you are going through. The best thing I did was go to counseling to learn to put up the boundaries without feeling guilty. Good luck to you!

[skittlebear]

Hope everything gets better soon.

(((HUGS)))