[thetravellertoplaces]

I am in the best relationship of my life and soon to be married, however the one thing that really is a barrier between us is smoking. I've never smoked, and she's smoked for about 20 years. She's not a real heavy smoker, but more of a stress smoker and at other times a casual smoker. She already knows my feelings towards her habit all too well, but at the same time she's a firecracker sometimes which makes it hard to talk about it with her. I can't stand the smoke and it hurts me to see that she's putting all those poisons into her. While she is trying to quit, I'm going through my own battle on how to deal with her smoking. It doesn't help that most of her family smokes as well.
Any advice on nonsmoker-smoker relationships would be very much appreciated.

[Angie O'Plasty, RN]

After I quit smoking, DH slowly began taking his habit outside because the smoke really irritated my lungs.

My tip would be to keep the secondhand smoke to a minimum.

[thetravellertoplaces]

Yeah when she smokes, i don't stand right in the immediate vicinity. As much as possible i try do avoid it, every single time she goes out for a smoke i don't, but there are times when i am needed. However i still have to distance myself at least a few feet away because the smoke gets to me. In my circumstance though, even after she quits, she brought up the good point that her family is still going to be smoking, so the smoke smell will still be around somewhat. It never is any easier when she says she needs a cigarette though, but the fact that that's really the worst argument we have, that's an encouraging thought.

[oramar]

Let us know how this goes. Personally I think the conflicts will get worse as the relationship progresses. What about if you decide to have children? Personally, smoking is a deal breaker for me. My husband is a non smoker like me but he has people in his family that I avoid because they smoke. Even though I don't smoke I have lung problems. I blame it on growing up with a cloud of smoke around my head because my father was a chain smoker. He of course died at an early age from smoking.

[thetravellertoplaces]

Well she has talked about quitting before the wedding.
We actually do want kids in the future. The thing that is going to make everything so hard is that our families are on almost opposite ends of the spectrum. Mine is very fundamental and conventional, hers is not so much at all. Also her side cusses where mine doesn't and like i said before much of her side smokes. So she brought up the point that even when she does quit she's gonna be around smoke because of her family. But they do have enough sense to always take it outside, because as well as the smoke bothering me, I don't do good with stuffy air and it sends me into panic attacks.
And it's not so bad between us, i've taken on a more understanding approach (even though she knows it bothers me) which has made us get into less fights about it. Not to say it goes ignored, just that my snide comments aren't being said about it anymore. Despite the smoking though, the more time that goes on, I can't help but want to spend the rest of my life with her.

[loriann]

I'm not in a relationship with anyone who smokes, but since I'm dating, I often worry that I will find someone I like who smokes. It's really a deal breaker for me, as I can't imagine kissing the person, smelling the smoke and all that.

Hopefully she quits!!