[nextnursedani]

Ok, so here it is...AGAIN!!! (I say again because so many of us have posted a message about feeling inadequate and not getting what we think we should from our 1st positions. So, here's another.

Since becoming a nurse in July, my 93 year old grandmother has had pneumonia twice, ended up in a rehab facility due to inability to complete ADL's herself (my mother can't handle her alone), now my grandmother has bronchitis. Then my mom has had 2 bouts with bronchitis, and now they think it is a sinus drainage problem which they are trying to make explaina chronis barking cough she can't get rid of. On top of that, I just seem to dread going to work with each passing day, hoping for something (anything) to come up which will give me a reason not to go to work. I have had co-workers (fellow new nurses) sya to me, "just endure until we reach a year, then we can move on". It is sad when every new nurse that has started since June all feel the same way (get the year and leave). I have even had some seasoned nurses tell me the same thing (and I haven't said anything to them).

I used to want to go to work to be a fabulous nurse, but when I saw that in reality I can't be the nurse I know I'm capable of being due to the demands placed on the individual bedside nurses. Then I would go to work because I worked with great people, and though that has changed a bit...some are still fabulous. Now that is not even enough to get me out of bed. I just don't want to be there anymore. I like being a nurse, I just don't like the nursing I have been doing.

Help!!

[iceyspots]

What type of facility are you working in now

[nextnursedani]

I work on an Oncology floor at a large hospital. Its a good hospital. I've had some say that maybe it's the unit, som say its the hospital.

[caliotter3]

If you do the research you will find that educators and nrsg writers address this a lot. Sooner or later, the honeymoon period, ends for all of us. That is when you have to take a realistic (notice I did not say pessimistic) look at your place in nrsg and learn some coping strategies. Mental hlth days off or real vacations on occasion are not a bad idea. Look for someone around you (not necessarily someone at work) that you can talk your feelings over with. If you need to, take the ol' Dear Abby approach, and try to find a counselor, if even for just a couple of sessions. This site is good for anonymous venting. Lots of people blow off steam here and the rest of us understand. Good luck, hang in there, it changes for the better eventually.

[caliotter3]

I'm not a prof counsellor, but I would say that you have had a lot on your plate emotionally w/your grandmother and new job at the same time. Try decompressing with a vacation. We'll send positive thoughts your way.

[mysfit5]

There are many areas in nursing you can explore! Many places like to hire nurses that have a few years of med- surg however some places have a preceptor program that is good for new nurses. With the nursing shortage sometimes facilities tend to throw a new grad in the lion's den. Find a fellow seasoned nurse, with a positive attitude, that can help you manage your time, organize your shift. the first couple of years are challenging, if you made it through nursing school you can make it on the floor. Get some floor time, then you can explore all the areas of nursing that are available. Take care of yourself on your days off!

[nextnursedani]

Thanks Cali!
I just wish I could feel better about what I'm doing.
I have had to use most of my PTO days for the illnesses of my mom and my grandmother, and one for me being sick, and one today because in the Midwest we have been buried under snow (but nothing like New York).

I am concerned that my attendance record is being frowned upon, especially since I have only been there 7 months. But what can I do? Those with children have had to call off alot due to the season and weather. I have never called off this much. On my last job of 4 years, I maybe called off 6 times completely! ANd in 7 months I have called off 7 or 8 times. This is so crazy.

As for a vacation, I have one PTO day left on the books. I'm desperate for time off...no family, no job, no thinking!! But won't happen soon, I'm afraid.

[UKRNinUSA]

you need to do something to nurture YOU. Leave the job at the job. The minute you leave, refuse to allow yourself to think about it - chase those thoughts away. Allow yourself only a certain amount of time to worry about your family. Then set aside some time for YOU. Do what you enjoy (dancing?) or take up a new hobby, just for you. Don't tell me you have no time. Make time. Or crash and burn. You can't keep running on empty.

[BeHappy!]

I was recently told in an interview and have most certainly heard it before...like what you do. Life is too short to wake up dreading each day. If you are unhappy with what you are doing you should pursue other avenues. There is so much to offer with nursing. If you don't want to continue with floor nursing maybe an outpatient setting would be better such as a physician office or clinic. I made the change as a new grad too and I am so much better off with it.

[kidznurse]

Sorry to hear your feeling overloaded. I'd been working about 12 years before doing paed oncology and I think that my previous experience had helped me to cope with what is a very demanding area psychologically. The illness sucks but the treatments really suck. So for you to go directly into oncology from your training was vey commendable.
I've loved nursing and this is my 27th year but it becomes overwhelming when it seems like everyone around you is sick or dying, including when you go home. you end up nursing your family and friends as welland only saints can keep tht pace up and at the expense of themselves. If you decided to change areas I think it is good to see out a year in your present placement. It makes you feel like less of a cop out to do a complete year. You can say I did a year here and a year there before deciding the specialty I really want to pursue is... You also know that you have set a finite limit on your current situation and once you know your leaving paradoxically you tend to start enjoying the job more. You will be feeling vulnerable about the possiblity of your grandmother not making it and that makes you more sensitive to the patients and relatives . This is a good thing . I have found my personal experiences of childbirth illness surgery loss of loved ones has given more depth of meaning to my nursing. It is not an easy job but it is worth doing so hang in there if you can .