[lakerette01]

To make a long story short, I relocated to california from michigan in November. I got a job at what I thought would be a good fit for me, at a peds hospital, a Magnet facility at that, and now I am rethinking it all.

I worked in psych as a mental health worker (like a CNA, sort of), for 6 years, and thought I wanted something different. Well I have realized that I hate my job now and I desperately want to go back to psych. A couple problems, I got relocation money, and have to stay for 2 years, or pay it back, my fiance feels that I need to give them at least a year, but its so hard, I dread going to work, all the time. I don't want to be a quiter, but I just feel miserable all the time. I am anxious all the time, and now I am getting really depressed, to the point of not wanting to do anything fun, I just want to sleep and be sad..

I just don't know what to do. I want to quit and get another job, but I feel horrible. I don't want my fiance to get mad at me, but I just am anxious all the time. I know its my life any my health, but I do feel bad for leaving my job so soon, and having it reflect badly on me if I go look for another job.

Sorry for the rambling, i just wanted to get my thoughts out there... thanks for reading..

[traumaRUs]

I'm sorry for your frustration. Give yourself a break - its hard to move thousands of miles from the familar to the unfamilar and then take on a new and different job plus have all the relocation stress to go with it. If you have recently moved, I too would try to give it a year. If this is your first year of nursing - it is hard no matter where you are or what specialty you are in.

If you absolutely can't take it, then I would try for another position in this same hospital so that you don't have to repay funds.

Good luck.

[WeeBabyRN]

I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. I love my job but have wanted to quit at times and gone through spells of wishing I would get ill so I didn't have to go into work. I think the first year is hard, and add to it the move and the whole new culture you are now a part of and it is understandable why you feel the way you do.

When I am at a point where I am really down about my job/career, I tell myself that I have to work, no choice there, and the only job I have is the one I have. Since I can't change that at this moment, the only thing I can change is my attitude and feelings. I give myself a goal for the night and focus on that. Also, when I am off of work I really try to live. I was getting depressed dreading work on my days off.

I really do love my job, but there are rough patches. I am trying not sound pollyanna, but this first year is really tough and you gotta do what you gotta do to get through it. Best of luck to you.

[janfrn]

You might be able to kill two birds with one stone. Does your peds facility have a child and adolescent psych program that you could transfer to? You might find that it's more to your liking and that would allow you to make it through your two years, then reassess. Check around and see.

[bassgirl]

I really feel for your pain because I am in the same situation. Can you really put a price tag on your sanity, happiness, and well-being. Trust me, I have stayed in jobs because I did not want to be a "quitter" but I tell you if you are really that unhappy it is just not worth it. Also you have to take into account the fact that if you are not happy, not giving safe patient care (because your hospital like so many values the bottom line rather than the safety of the patients or satisfaction of the employees) you would rather leave that awful place with your dignity, license intact than risk losing it all because you make a med error or some other kind of error. I really do wish you the best. Remember finding a new job is easy, finding a good man, now that is the challenge!

[shellek]

SOOOOO SORRY you are going through such a tough time. Being a nurse we tend to not take care of ourselves and others come first, with your psych background maybe you should consider seeing a therapist or psych Dr. for discussion and possibly rx for depression. I know myself, I went years denying needing therapy but now I feel the best I have ever felt...yes I am on anti-depressant and see a therapist 1-2 monthly, but I have come to terms that we all ESPECIALLY nurses need that extra boost of help, we get sick we are human. LIFE IS TOO SHORT make the best of it you can, I am sure you take good care of others ...TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF