[Newandconfused]

I will be a nurse for a year on March 16, 2008. I started in Jan 15th but w/ Ky. state law I couldn't sit for NCLEX until then. I absolutely LOVE my patients and taking care of them, but I must say I go to work with a knot in my stomach more times then not. I am really hoping it may be the hospital I work for. I worked Med-Surge for 10mos until I was moved to ICU--the position I was hired for, but the hospital wanted me to get floor experience b/4 putting me in ICU. Normally I have a tough exterior, but I think I have cried more in the last year over my job than I ever have anything else. At first I had to adjust to being a new grad and realizing nursing school taught me nothing, and then once I started to get the swing of things I had to go to ICU. I have been in ICU for 2 months now and I really hate it. I work with so many people who will cut your throat and suck you up to your face it is sad. My clinical manager's statement to me after having me in her office for oh....the third time since I have been transferred was that her nurses 'eat thier young' and if they accuse me of something the burden of proof is on me. It is hard enough learning all there is to learn in ICU but then having to deal with all this nonsense. I have seriously been thinking of traveling. I think that would be an ideal situation. I can work knowing that it is not a permanent position. Does this get any better? I keep telling myself to get over it and to keep a good attitude. And just when I think it will be all right, I get called in the office b/c someone complained on me. Example--the blank line after chest tube drainage---I wasn't sure if that was the color of the drainage or the amount that I put in the spot. Has anyone had to deal with this?

[Aprilhere]

Keep at it. Ask questions when you don't know. I doubt traveling would be the answer for you. From my *limited* experience.....nurses are very hard on travelers too. I work with 1 nurse who obviously gets irritated when I ask questions. I just laugh...and say...I know my questions get burdensome....but- I'm sure the patients prefer if I ask first!

[deeDawntee]

OK, you have GOT TO BE KIDDING!! You are being brutalized. I can't believe that you are still hanging in there. You are truly remarkable and are a credit to our profession. I hope you can recognize that in yourself.

I really don't know what to tell you. I think you have to search your own soul. It is not that way everywhere and that your manager is allowing that bullcrap to happen is horrible. Also, not every place is hard on travelers. If you have your heart set on doing some traveling, go for it! Use this forum to find good hospitals because they certainly exist.

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Your tenacity will pay off in the long run. Follow your heart.

[David's Harp]

Honestly, one newbee to another, it sounds like you need to be either on a different floor or in another hospital entirely. Tenacity is one thing, but this sounds like an environment that can either chew one up & spit one out or otherwise assimilate one, and neither option is all that desireable. I always want to know, when I hear of horror stories like yours, how do patients/families get treated there, considering the way vulnerable staff is treated? Is there a "caring/cut-throat" toggle switch somewhere?

Are there other institutions in your area that you'd consider?

[Kymmi]

Ive been nursing a long time and I've worked ICU/CVICU a long time and I can say I've seen a few nurses that seem to get a thrill out of making newer nurses uneasy. I hate to think its a power issue and I actually believe its related to those nurses not feeling self confident about their own skills so they need to find someone else to make look bad so they look better.
Its a shame that your manager response or way of dealing with those issues isnt one that is very productive.
I think as a traveler you are expected to be able to function really independent as far as clinical skills so I would advise against that until you feel confident in yourself. In the meantime I think I'd find another floor/unit/hospital to build skills because the environment you are in will only make you feel worse about things.
I wish I had someone like you to work with.....I love working with newer nurses that are willing to learn. I do not mind at all helping those that havent been working as long as I am because I usually end up learning something from them also because no matter how much experience we think we have there is always something else we can learn.

[AirforceRN]

My 2 cents...if you aren't happy, get out. Why stay with something that makes you feel sick when nurses are needed everywhere? You can switch floors and try something else or go to a new hospital...just try and make it so you are happy when you get up in the morning.
As for your manager...she is in the wrong. If someone accuses you of something the burden of proof should be on them not you...that's what the whole "innocent until proven guilty" thing is all about. If she isn't willing to put a stop to newbie feeding I would leave. Nurses are a hot comodity...you don't have to put up with crap like that.

[Newandconfused]

Thanks for all of your suggestions and words of encouragement. My manager does have some serious issues. I was actually told I would 'feel relieved when she moves on to someone else'. BUT I only have 10 MORE WEEKS until I hit the one year mark then I feel I will be able to get a job that I really want-- in ANOTHER hospital. Yes, there is a 'caring/cut throat toggle'. Our management will fire a nurse over to many '5000' calls. Some nurses can turn it on and off within seconds. But those are the same ones who always have something bad to say about the pt or family member after eating them up to thier face. You are right Airforce RN-the demand for nurses is to high for anyone to stay in a job that makes them misreable. 10 MORE WEEKS!

[janfrn]

I agree with kymmi that a significant reason for this kind of treatment is a lack of confidence on the part of the abuser. I've certainly seen it myself where I work now. The problem has even permeated our management team... they've promoted some people who have far less experience and expertise than many of the people they are now expected to lead, and they feel intimidated so they look for opportunites to throw their weight around or to belittle others for mistakes they themselves have made. It's not the best working environment, and a lot of our staff are speaking with their feet. If that's how you're feeling then that is what you need to do. But realize that it probably will be the same wherever you go.

[ksilty]

Yes, it certainly does, but I doubt it will in your current enviornment. As the nursing shortage intensifies and staffing becomes critical, hospitals must learn to nurture their new grads. Many are precepting new grads for an entire year. Others have a designated nurse on each floor who is available to help when you need it. I think every nurse remembers how ill-prepared they were for the job right out of school, and the first few years on a floor is where you learn your nursing skills. Sounds like you are surrounded by nurses who have short memories. My daughter is a nursing student, and I am afraid that she will have similar experiences when she graduates. My first job was a nightmare, but it only lasted a year because we moved, and I ended up in a hospital that took good care of me. Don't give up, and don't travel, you encounter a whole new range of adversity. Some people make themselves feel more competent by criticizing others. Don't feed on their insecurity. Find another hospital....