[CapeCodMermaid]

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Supersex.' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex..'

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup .'

[nightmare]

Oldie but goodie!

[walk6miles]

This isn't a joke but it is a laugh:

I had a horrible night this past Sunday. I worked a unit I normally wouldn't.... I had 6 demanding, call light hitting, whiney patients all on hold for rooms. One lady won the "call light champion" award. And, as is the norm, her requests were for those things you find in a hotel.

A candy bar for her "sugar" (it was 88 - too low for her).. I sent the aide to the candy machine with my dollar - the Butterfinger "helped".
Her next door neighbor always put in her "request" whenever this patient's light went on. Kleenex, warm blankets (had to go to another floor for that one" - snacks (not usually given on our unit) - sent aide to kitchen with house supervisor (graham crackers and milk) - "oh, is that the best you can do?"
Now patient in 3 gives me ultimatum: find a bed upstairs for me or I walk...supervisor found room.... on and on all night.
Sorry, this had to be built up to this consequence: call light commando puts light on in middle of report (oncoming nurse really angry about number of patients on hold) - patient MUST see me in person.... excuse me, I'll be right back - I approach bed and she says:
"A cup of hot coffee and a newspaper would really make my day".

I couldn't help it!! My comback: "that would work for me too, do you know where we can get that??"

Bite my tongue!!!

[hikernurse]

Originally Posted by walk6miles

This isn't a joke but it is a laugh:

I had a horrible night this past Sunday. I worked a unit I normally wouldn't.... I had 6 demanding, call light hitting, whiney patients all on hold for rooms. One lady won the "call light champion" award. And, as is the norm, her requests were for those things you find in a hotel.

A candy bar for her "sugar" (it was 88 - too low for her).. I sent the aide to the candy machine with my dollar - the Butterfinger "helped".
Her next door neighbor always put in her "request" whenever this patient's light went on. Kleenex, warm blankets (had to go to another floor for that one" - snacks (not usually given on our unit) - sent aide to kitchen with house supervisor (graham crackers and milk) - "oh, is that the best you can do?"
Now patient in 3 gives me ultimatum: find a bed upstairs for me or I walk...supervisor found room.... on and on all night.
Sorry, this had to be built up to this consequence: call light commando puts light on in middle of report (oncoming nurse really angry about number of patients on hold) - patient MUST see me in person.... excuse me, I'll be right back - I approach bed and she says:
"A cup of hot coffee and a newspaper would really make my day".

I couldn't help it!! My comback: "that would work for me too, do you know where we can get that??"

Bite my tongue!!!

[Michigan RN]

Nurse I work with admitted a patient who tried to commit suicide by hanging. The nurse asks the patient "sir do you know why you are here?....you tried to hang yourself and failed."

[JeanineLPN1984]

Originally Posted by Kati2005

Nurse I work with admitted a patient who tried to commit suicide by hanging. The nurse asks the patient "sir do you know why you are here?....you tried to hang yourself and failed."

OMG!!!

[hisblueskies]

This joke has no relation to nursing but I enjoyed it. A man is walking along the beach and finds a magic lamp in the sand. He rubs it and a genie appears and tells him he has 3 wishes. The genie warns hims that he represents all of the attorneys on earth and whatever the man wishes for the attorneys will get double. The man thinks for a moment and tells the genie he wants a sports car. The genie snaps his fingers and a beautiful sports car appears before the man. The gene tells the man that every attorney on earth now owns 2 sports car. For the second wish the man asks for a million dollars. The genie snaps his fingers and a million dollars appears before the man. The genie tells the man that every attorny on earth now has an extra two million dollars. The genie asks the man what he would like for his third wish. The man thinks about it for several minutes, smiles at the genie and tells him "I always wanted to donate a kidney."

[facetiousgoddess]

Originally Posted by walk6miles

call light commando

ROTFLMAO

Can't wait to use that nifty little phrase.......

Tres