[nghtfltguy]

that is surely a difficult question... i would have to say that you should do what you feel is right.. i myself am not gay, i do however have many friends that are. they are all wonderful, and excellent nurses. it is a touchy subject though when asked that by a pt. i have been asked if i was gay a lot of times.. .. it is entirely up to you on how you handle that question.. one of my friends answers it by saying *no, would it matter if i were?*.. just last week one of his pts (male) responding by saying *yes.. it sure would! because you are way too good looking not to be! i was hoping that you were!*hahahah.. needless to say, we all got a chuckle out of it in the break room!

[Thedreamer]

Hmm after re-reading this post I just have to think. I am 100% not comfortable talking about my sexual orientation with anyone but family, close friends ive had since I was 10 and my partner of 4 years. It is very very rare that I tell other people outside that norm, but it has happened. I dont have anything to do with the gay community or many gay friends.. It just doesnt appeal to me. People at school and in the hospital just have no need to know that about me. It doesnt change my nursing care.

I have never really examined why I prefer to keep this private. However on thursday for clinical I had an awkward experience. I was sitting at a lunch table with 3 other girls in my class, two of whom I do talk to often and both who know about my partner. One of the guys from a term ahead of us came over and sat next to me and everyone was just doing thier chatting thing while I ate. Turns out the guy that sat down next to me decided he was gonna "come out" right there, and let it be known very loudly to us at the table. "Honey girl, let me tell you, im gay and id break that guy like a chicken nugget" is what he said motioning to an attractive young doctor across from our table. I nearly fell out of my chair.

It kinda shell shocked me a bit. Im pretty out going and talkative but after he said that I turned beat red and just went totally silent. I really dont know why. I think it might be a comfort level of mine being invaded? I still probably have issues about being THAT open in public because of my military family up bringing. I really dont know. But it got "worse." One of the girls who I am friends with noticed I was so embarassed by his statement and looked over at me and said, "Oh ian please, from the day you got into our class I knew you were gay!" and she turned to my other friend and told her, "right?" She meant it in a loving way, was smiling and laughing, but she had no idea how that was like my worst nightmare. I was just so mortified the only thing I could do back was give a weak smile and try to change the subject.

As tweety said its all about being comfortable with yourself. I just turned 23 and am still coming to terms with being gay. I dont tell people because I dont want them to think differently of me, or feel uncomfortable around me. When I figured out I was gay I never had the urge to go do the club thing, or make gay friends, to this day that just doesnt appeal to me. Even now for the most part in school/clinicals if someone asks me if I have a girlfriend, I just kinda change the subject. Ugh now that I typed all that out I guess I have alot to think about huh? What would you guys suggest?

[maimickey]

Family!!!! Way to word it! I'm out at work also ring and all, and highly respected for my abilities. They also love her cooking too!

[Suesquatch]

Dreamer,

I think there's a lot of stuff going on. First off, if you come from a military family PDA is frowned on, let alone discussing personal stuff. So there's one thing. Secondly, I'd also bet your folks would be pretty freaked and there's another. And third, it isn't easy to accept that you are a minority and subject to dislike and discrimination, so staying invisible makes you less of a mark. In a word, fear. And maybe a soupcon of guilt and shame.

You'll come to terms with yourself in time. Do what makes you comfortable, and there's no reason on earth you can't tell your friends at work to keep their mouths shut about your business, period.

[Tweety]

Originally Posted by Thedreamer

Hmm after re-reading this post I just have to think. I am 100% not comfortable talking about my sexual orientation with anyone but family, close friends ive had since I was 10 and my partner of 4 years. It is very very rare that I tell other people outside that norm, but it has happened. I dont have anything to do with the gay community or many gay friends.. It just doesnt appeal to me. People at school and in the hospital just have no need to know that about me. It doesnt change my nursing care.

I have never really examined why I prefer to keep this private. However on thursday for clinical I had an awkward experience. I was sitting at a lunch table with 3 other girls in my class, two of whom I do talk to often and both who know about my partner. One of the guys from a term ahead of us came over and sat next to me and everyone was just doing thier chatting thing while I ate. Turns out the guy that sat down next to me decided he was gonna "come out" right there, and let it be known very loudly to us at the table. "Honey girl, let me tell you, im gay and id break that guy like a chicken nugget" is what he said motioning to an attractive young doctor across from our table. I nearly fell out of my chair.

It kinda shell shocked me a bit. Im pretty out going and talkative but after he said that I turned beat red and just went totally silent. I really dont know why. I think it might be a comfort level of mine being invaded? I still probably have issues about being THAT open in public because of my military family up bringing. I really dont know. But it got "worse." One of the girls who I am friends with noticed I was so embarassed by his statement and looked over at me and said, "Oh ian please, from the day you got into our class I knew you were gay!" and she turned to my other friend and told her, "right?" She meant it in a loving way, was smiling and laughing, but she had no idea how that was like my worst nightmare. I was just so mortified the only thing I could do back was give a weak smile and try to change the subject.

As tweety said its all about being comfortable with yourself. I just turned 23 and am still coming to terms with being gay. I dont tell people because I dont want them to think differently of me, or feel uncomfortable around me. When I figured out I was gay I never had the urge to go do the club thing, or make gay friends, to this day that just doesnt appeal to me. Even now for the most part in school/clinicals if someone asks me if I have a girlfriend, I just kinda change the subject. Ugh now that I typed all that out I guess I have alot to think about huh? What would you guys suggest?

The only thing that bothers me about your post is that you live in one of the Gay Meccas of the world (or you live close to Miami) and don't want gay friends, or do "gay things". To each his/her own and we all are on different journeys, but to me, I find so much comfort in my gay friends, and doing gay bowling, gay friendly church, gay film festivals, politics, cruises, theater, etc. I do not go clubbing.

I had a military upbringing and I'm much older, so I'm still not comfortable outing myself in a big crowd and can't say that I ever do it. I never, ever, every deny it when people ask. I made that promise to myself many years ago, and that's how I've come out at work. Someone asked, and I said yes, we talked about it, and then word spread. I didn't walk in and say "I'm gay!".

Don't let anyone define who you are and how to act, and whether or not you need to be "out" or not. Those are very personal decisions. I do hope that as you become comfortable with yourself, you'll also become comfortable with your community and make some friends and participate.

Utilimately the one thing that rings true in your post is that it doesn't change or have anything to do with what kind of nurse you are and the care you provide.

[Thedreamer]

Yea its going to take me a bit to get more comfortable with the gay community. When I was first figuring out that I was gay a friend of mine at school brought me to a "gay party" over in wilton mannors, the gay area of town. At the time I was just really disgusted because I got solicited for sex by a few guys and other guys putting thier arms around me or reaching under my shirt to feel my chest. People I had never met before. I felt very degraded and like my personal bubble had been horribly violated. Yea I know that of course it was isolated, not all gay people are like that. To me at the time though being 18 and never seeing that kinda lifestyle before and being very old fashioned myself, it just left me with no desire to get a sense of the gay community beyond that.

I met my partner shortly after that through a friend of mine and have been with him since. Im 23 now. Carlos is very comfortable with the gay community and has made many gay/lesbian friends, whom I have in turn become very close with. Just in the past 2 months I have been spending more time with them, and they have been trying to get me outta my "shell." as they call it by taking me to gay areas and trying to expose me to more cultured people in our community. Dont get me wrong, im not a self hating homosexual, I just was never exposed to the community in a positive way, does that make sense?

It is a process. As you say tweety, you have many years of experience and figuring yourself out. You can see where I am coming from background wise so you know its isnt easy for me, but lately I have been trying to develop a better sense of community. Currently I am taking it very slowly, at a comfortable pace for myself. We have wine every friday night at a wine bar over in the Wilton Mannors. Its very relaxing and we get to meet very interesting people.

Eventually I will become more in tune with my homosexual brethern, after all I know the community has alot to offer. I have just been figuring out that I am much more comfortable with the OLDER crowd then the young ones, I.e. guys/gals my own age. They are just too explosive for me hehe. I much rather prefer the mellow older gay community.

Once again I wrote a wall of text, dont think I made much sense, its been a long day! I spent 8 hours in clinical in the OR today ^^ I got to see two left thyroid removal surgeries and some of a hysterectomy. (time was up haflway through). Anyhoo this lil engine has to get to choo chooing over his cardio notes for the test minana!

a work in progress,
the dreamer

[Tweety]

Dreamer, being a work in progress shows you're willing to grow. I'm a work in progress too...in repair. LOL

I won't go into my first exposure to "gay" life. It was very seedy.

Best wishes and good luck in school.

[Thedreamer]

*hugs*

[NurseguyFL]

Originally Posted by Thedreamer

I have never really examined why I prefer to keep this private. However on thursday for clinical I had an awkward experience. I was sitting at a lunch table with 3 other girls in my class, two of whom I do talk to often and both who know about my partner. One of the guys from a term ahead of us came over and sat next to me and everyone was just doing thier chatting thing while I ate. Turns out the guy that sat down next to me decided he was gonna "come out" right there, and let it be known very loudly to us at the table. "Honey girl, let me tell you, im gay and id break that guy like a chicken nugget" is what he said motioning to an attractive young doctor across from our table. I nearly fell out of my chair.

It kinda shell shocked me a bit. Im pretty out going and talkative but after he said that I turned beat red and just went totally silent. I really dont know why. I think it might be a comfort level of mine being invaded? I still probably have issues about being THAT open in public because of my military family up bringing. I really dont know. But it got "worse." One of the girls who I am friends with noticed I was so embarassed by his statement and looked over at me and said, "Oh ian please, from the day you got into our class I knew you were gay!" and she turned to my other friend and told her, "right?" She meant it in a loving way, was smiling and laughing, but she had no idea how that was like my worst nightmare. I was just so mortified the only thing I could do back was give a weak smile and try to change the subject.

The outburst from that guy was so 'high school' its not even funny. But then again, this IS south Florida and there are a lot of gay people everywhere here, so maybe he thought it was no big deal to just come out and say stuff like that. Maybe he did it to get your attention. Maybe he's attracted to you, or tying to befriend you...who knows? People do strange things sometimes.

[styRN]

I am straight, but have nursed long enough in a smaller community to have had to put up with pre-conceptions that many had that all male nurses must be gay. Times have changed, however, so I find that it's rarely an issue about assumptions.

As for disclosing personal information - I'm a pretty private person, and disclose very little, so I'm not really "out" as heterosexual per se either. I have a close group of coworkers that I am more comfortable being around, meaning I get along with everyone but selectively choose who I share personal info with. I'm not electing to be secretive about my personal life, I just don't want to bring my personal life and family into work with me any more than I have to. I've been with my current employer for 13 years, am the only charge nurse, and head of the union, but I still hear murmurings from people that don't know me well that I must be gay (based on ? being a nurse? appearing that most of my coworker 'friends' are female? I really have no idea...but it comes from the gene pool bottom dwellers), even though I've been married to my wife for almost 20 years and really don't hide the fact; I just don't announce it.

People will respect you and your privacy. Those that don't won't target you, they are just morons and would do it to everybody.