[jlsRN]

Just want to mention here that just because people haven't told you to your face, doesn't mean that they appreciate being called 'Sweetie' or 'Hun' by a virtual stranger, or a co-worker or caregiver.

A little cultural awareness here would be appreciated. Some English speakers probably aren't aware of the nuances of familiar vs formal because our language doesn't have a formal pronoun and verb conjugation like so many languages.

Hopefully this thread will educate those who come from regions that use terms of endearment casually that this is considered offensive and/or condescending in many parts of N. America

[Peri]

Originally Posted by ArwenEvenstar

Uh....I think you are missing the point! I thought this (Originally Posted by lovingtheunloved: I hate it when people I don't know call me "honey" or "sweetie," and I'm 25. I once took care of a demented woman who kept telling a nurse, "I'm not your honey!" The nurse didn't seem to get the hint, and I was unable to contain my ear to ear smile when she balled up her fist and popped the nurse in the mouth) was very funny! I also detest being called sweetie or honey. If I get dementia when I'm old, I could see myself still remembering, despite the dementia, that I don't like being called sweetie...and wacking a nurse in the mouth who repeatedly called me that! Which is the point of the original post that started this thread. Be careful what you call people. The elderly deserve respect even if they are demented.

Why is this disrespectful, dementia or no? It isn't what people say, but the way that they say it.

How sad that the nurse in question wasn't able to "get the hint", but also how sad that her colleagues didn't feel that they could point out the problem.

[Peri]

Originally Posted by DanaD40

I think being nice and considerate, and above all a good nurse in helping the elderly to live in dignity is very important. There is no need in using additional words like "dear", "sweetie" in our conversations as nurses. Using these words cannot make a nurse better. Deep honest empathy, real caring, and professional knowledge will open the doors to our residents. Love is shown by works, and not by hypocritical endearments. Being a good nurse takes much more.

I totally agree with the first part of this post, however I think the blanket comment about not using endearments such as "dear" and "sweetie" as they are hypocritical is a smack in the face of many nurses who do care and use them to make many of their patients feel safe and comfortable.

As nurses we should be able to individualise our care, so if these terms do cause irritation then hopefully we would be aware of this and stop the cause.

Originally Posted by JRD2002

Being a born and raised southern boy I think it is probably too engrained in me to stop calling my patients hun, sweetie, sweet pea, dear, etc...I hope though if someone has a problem with it they will let me know and not after the 147th time.

I'm certainly one of those nurses who use these endearments, and on the occasions that they have been a problem they have been stopped.

Originally Posted by dream'n

Well I'm a transplanted southerner and if I'm ever seriously ill my nurse can call me sweetie or hun as much as they want. It's more comforting and friendly to me. My non-southern friends must just be used to being called sweetie or honey by me, as they don't bat an eyelash about it.

Anyway what I'm trying to say is that there is so much diversity in our country that we all need to just take people as they are. Whether they say sweetie or hun, or if they are just more reserved or formal. There is no RIGHT way, just what makes individual people comfortable.

Exactly, me too. Thank goodness we aren't all the same.

I have to say that I use endearments a lot of the time and the Senior Staff Nurse on my ward often tells me that I am the one that people are complimentary about when they leave. ( Oops - that sounds big headed, but actually I was trying to make a point that it isn't the words it's the feeling behind them)

[meizrdrn]

Originally Posted by Anxious Patient

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/07/us/07aging.html?em

i am only 48 and a nurse and i agree. i hate when anyone calls me sweetie or dear. esp waitresses. i can only imagaine how i will feel about it when i am eighty.

[Hygiene Queen]

You gotta know your audience.

[ArwenEvenstar]

Originally Posted by ArwenEvenstar:
Uh....I think you are missing the point! I thought this (Originally Posted by lovingtheunloved: I hate it when people I don't know call me "honey" or "sweetie," and I'm 25. I once took care of a demented woman who kept telling a nurse, "I'm not your honey!" The nurse didn't seem to get the hint, and I was unable to contain my ear to ear smile when she balled up her fist and popped the nurse in the mouth) was very funny! I also detest being called sweetie or honey. If I get dementia when I'm old, I could see myself still remembering, despite the dementia, that I don't like being called sweetie...and wacking a nurse in the mouth who repeatedly called me that! Which is the point of the original post that started this thread. Be careful what you call people. The elderly deserve respect even if they are demented.

Originally Posted by Peri

Why is this disrespectful, dementia or no? It isn't what people say, but the way that they say it.

How sad that the nurse in question wasn't able to "get the hint", but also how sad that her colleagues didn't feel that they could point out the problem.

Why is this disrespectful, dementia or no? It is disrespectful because the patient repeatedly made it clear that she did not want to be called "honey", yet the nurse kept doing it. If a patient says that they want to be called "Mr. Jones" and the nurse calls the person by their first name "Bob" - that lacks respect. Etc. We should respect patient's wishes for what they prefer to be called or not called. Not doing so is disrespectful.

I agree that "It isn't what people say, but the way that they say it." However, a dementia patient likely will NOT be able to sense or know the feeling/tone behind what the nurse is saying. This particular dementia patient likely only heard that word "honey" and the distant memory of not liking it was still there. In this aspect, people with dementia perhaps deserve extra respect because of their decreased mental capacity.

[Peri]

Originally Posted by ArwenEvenstar

The elderly deserve respect even if they are demented.

But this comment was not specific to that patient, this was more general, and it was this that I was referring to.

I do agree that ALL patients should be shown respect - including dementia patients. It behoved the nurse to take on board what the patient was saying, but I still think that it is sad that her colleagues felt that they couldn't tell her that her attitude was upsetting the patient.

I have found that Dementia patients, like non-dementia patients, have preferences. Some dementia patients do respond to these endearments.

[iteachob]

I'm from west TX (child of Yankee parents)......When I first moved to the eastern part of KY I was absolutely shocked to have a teenager at a drive-thru window refer to me as "babydoll"! This type of thing is rampant here. I have to get after students all the time for refering to (mostly older) patients as "sweetie", "honey" and (my favorite) "babydoll"!