[SouthernERNurse]

It's amazing the little things that I can learn from my patients in the ER. Just this week for example I've learned...

1. When your patient states "Nurse, I feel like I'm going to throw up", don't ever EVER, no matter how far away this nearest emesis basin is, lean down beside the bed to grab the garbage can for your patient. You will most likely end up with vomit on your head.

2. When at a New Years Eve party, beware of standing beside juke boxes and talking to "a pretty gal". It is possible to have a spontaneous compound tib/fib fracture to occur. And no, it doen't have anything to do with the fact that you were hitting on someone's girlfriend, and that it might have ****** her big boyfriend off.

3. Don't ever roll over in bed in the middle of the night, especially if you have an erection. I've learned that a penis fracture really can happen.

So what have your patients taught you?

[veetach]

1. when a cardiac patient says "I have to have a bowel movement"... try to divert their attention!!

2. when someone says "I feel like something is wrong or I feel like I am going to die" pay attention.

3. pain is subjective, its not up to us to decide whether it is present or not.

[V. Nightingale]

No matter what their vitals are, if your patient starts talking about going home to be with Jesus, you'd better park the crash cart outside their door.

[Dave ARNP]

Unless you explain a douche to them, you really will have a woman drink it. X2. Then explain to you that she's NOT drinking another one "Those things taste da** awful!".

Dave, who will never ever order one of those prior to a pelvic, again.

[traumaRUs]

"I was walking down the street minding my own business and two dudes shot me"

My most famous line and often repeated!

[obliviousRN]

What have my patients taught me? HMMMMMM.....................

1. Alcohol is an acceptable form of pain relief

2. That when someone says "don't touch that, it hurts", it is always to be followed by a name calling session directed at the nurse.

3. That parents know more than Drs or Nurses and the only reason they came to the ER was to get the antibiotics that they KNEW their child needed.

4. That it is possible to shove something triple the diameter of certain openings into them, but not always possible to get it out.

5. That God works in mysterious and often comical ways.

[1savvydiva]

Originally posted by traumaRUs
"I was walking down the street minding my own business and two dudes shot me"

I'm not a nurse yet, but I do work in the Emergency Dept.
If you EVVVER are walking down the street and see "2 dudes", you better run! Those "2 dudes" are responsible for more mayhem that you'd ever know!

Don't ever stand on the corner at 2 am and just "mind your business", that will for sure get you jammed up.

Whatever you do...never have "only 2 beers", that will get you in a heap of trouble...those "2 beers" will get you everytime.

[RNCENCCRNNREMTP]

Never assume relationships or pregnancy status.

That old man with the young gal is NOT her father.

That obese young woman does not need to go up to OB stat!

I now always ask, "And you are.....?"

Foot in mouth disease has struck me more than once I am sorry to say.

Also, when a patient who has a AAA or who is pregnant states they need to have a BM, watch out! One will be arresting and in the other you are about to double your patient volume on the bed.

[Medic946RN]

I posted this in the General Nursing forum but it is relevant here since it happened in the ED.

Never, ever tell the 6foot5 245lb weightlifting hospital constable that you don't have to listen to "no f***ing 300lb rentacop". The resulting thump from you being bodyslammed will knock some items off their shelves in the nearby storeroom.

If anyone brings in anything in a jar, bottle, bag, can etc related to their presentation to the ED. You DO NOT want to see it. Trust me on this one.

I am always amazed at the number of people who want to yank off their pants in the triage room to show you that nasty boil, pimple, bruise, infection etc. You also DO NOT need to see that.

[athomas91]

medic......
i assume that was dawn?????
i gotta know - what was in the jar??

- when they say they have smelly vaginal drainage - they aren't kidding

- biting the ammonia capsule is not a good idea....

- biting your nurse - even worse idea....