[MrsWampthang]

I took care of a guy once who had an injury to the third toe and complete amputation of the fourth toe. When asked how this injury occurred......"I was using my twelve gauge shot gun to kill moles in my yard."


All I kept thinking was "you might be a redneck if........."

I told him that I hoped his family was going to get plenty of miles out of his injury and his son said "oh yeah. The last thing I told him was not to shoot his foot with the gun." The guy had been balancing the barrel of the gun on his shoe while he waited for signs of the moles moving underground.

Pam

[redhd5]

I don't know that this was funny, but it was weird. I had a guy several years ago at the nursing home that came in with staples up and down his arm and hand. The staples went way up past his elbow. He was also in isolation. I was a CNA at the time. I asked him what happened, and he said that he was fishing off the coast of Florida and a big fish came up and bit his arm open. They didn't know what kind of fish it was. He had stretched his arm out over the boat and it just came up out of the water!
He said he loved to fish, and since he recently retired, that was what he planned on doing!

[stevierae]

Originally Posted by redhd5

I don't know that this was funny, but it was weird. I had a guy several years ago at the nursing home that came in with staples up and down his arm and hand. The staples went way up past his elbow. He was also in isolation. I was a CNA at the time. I asked him what happened, and he said that he was fishing off the coast of Florida and a big fish came up and bit his arm open. They didn't know what kind of fish it was. He had stretched his arm out over the boat and it just came up out of the water!
He said he loved to fish, and since he recently retired, that was what he planned on doing!

What the hey? What kind of fish have TEETH? Must have been a shark!!!

[critcarenurse16]

Originally Posted by redhd5

I don't know that this was funny, but it was weird. I had a guy several years ago at the nursing home that came in with staples up and down his arm and hand. The staples went way up past his elbow. He was also in isolation. I was a CNA at the time. I asked him what happened, and he said that he was fishing off the coast of Florida and a big fish came up and bit his arm open. They didn't know what kind of fish it was. He had stretched his arm out over the boat and it just came up out of the water!
He said he loved to fish, and since he recently retired, that was what he planned on doing!

Discharge instructions: Avoid using extremeties as bait, pole, and net

[gwenith]

Without appearing to laugh at the misfortune of others I offer this gem from Downunder. A bit of translation a "Redback" is the Australian term for a Black Widow Spider.

Redback On The Toilet Seat (1972)

Ralph Ernest 'Slim' Newton

There was a redback on the toilet seat, when I was there last night

I didn't see him in the dark, but boy I felt his bite.

I jumped high up into the air and when I hit the ground

That crafty redback spider, wasn't nowhere to be found.

I rushed into the missus, told her just where I'd been bit
She grabbed the cut-throat razor blade, and I nearly took a fit.
I said, "Just forget what's on your mind and call the doctor, please,
'Cause I've got a feeling that your cure is worse than the disease."

Chorus: There was a redback on the toilet seat, when I was there last night

I didn't see him in the dark, but boy I felt his bite.

And now I'm here in hospital, a sad and sorry site

And I curse the redback spider, on the toilet seat last night.

I can't lie down, I can't sit up and I don't know what to do
And all the nurses think it's funny, but that's not my point of view.
I tell you it's embarrassing and that to say the least
That I'm too sick to eat a bit, while that spider had a feast.

And when I get back home again, I'll tell you what I'll do
I'll make that redback suffer, for the pain I'm going through.
I've had so many needles, that I'm looking like a sieve
And I promise you that spider, hasn't very long to live.

http://home.iprimus.com.au/michellej...gs.htm#Redback

[Farkinott]

I sat on a brown snake once. I don't know who was more surprised! It shot off in one direction and I went in the other!

[Jay-Jay]

We had a guy on homecare last Christmas, who was on IV antibiotics and BID dressing changes. He'd caught his penis in his zipper!

I also nursed a cop who'd cut his hand on a broken mug while doing dishes. He was on 2 different IV abx. Boy, I'll be the guys at the station got a lot of mileage out of that when he went back to work!

[teeituptom]

we had a teenage boy and girl come in by ems for getting their braces stuck together.
Father of the girl came in before the Doc got them unhooked

The father wasnt amused as we were

[kids]

I saw this a few years ago while sitting in the ER waiting area. I have no clue why I was there (if you knew my kids you would understand, we've been there a lot).

Anyway, we ended up striking up a conversation with the lady sitting next to us.
She was there with her husband who was in back, being treated.
Apparently, they were having a "heated" discussion while eating Chinese and he bit off the end of his tongue.
When they were leaving I heard her laugh and said something to the effect of "thats what you get for arguing with me". She chuckled all the way out the door with him saying..."thut up, juth thut up".

[BBFRN]

A long time ago, I had a teenage male GSW pt who had been shot in the buttocks. What had happened to him was that he was driving on a country road at about dusk, and had to urinate. So, he got out at the side of the road and proceeded to take a leak. Apparently, a hunter had mistaken his shiny white booty as a deer's and accidentally shot him with a rifle. He then drove home, rang the doorbell, and passed out when his parents answered the door. He was quite a prankster, so they though he was playing another trick on them and closed the door- left him out there for a few minutes before they realized he wasn't faking it...lol.