[KIMRNNYC]

Originally Posted by MichaelSSSS

About 10 years ago my wife and I were getting a bit frisky in the kitchen and we were both naked. She grabbed for my special purpose and by pure reflexes I jumped away and caught my scrotum – that’s right – scrotum, on a kitchen cabinet and tore a small hole in it. Well, thinking I would never have any more children, I called the ER and told the nurse what had happened. I could tell she was trying no to laugh and told me there was nothing she could do unless I came in. So I did. After a few pokes and prods I was sent home with nothing more than a bandage. A small bandage at that. Needless to say once my wife reported my ER trip to the relatives I got ALL KINDS of testicular jokes! But, everything’s fine now. The boys healed well.

I was working as a unit secretary in a hospital while in nursing school. I received a call from the ED saying they had an admit for our floor and they would be faxing up the admission report.

Dx: Penile Trauma.

After arriving to the floor, we received the details. He became a bit frisky in the kitchen as well. W/O going into great detail, he was facing the kitchen cabinets when his penile piercing caught on the cabinet knob, turned around and yepper, you guessed it, ripped the piercing right out. After surgery to repair the damage, he came to our floor. He and his partner were very funny about it and he was a great patient.

P.S. HIV +, hopefully had teaching before discharge about the dangers of piercings and transmission possibilities associated with them.

[bpowers]

Nomination for the funniest story. LOL

Originally Posted by Ruby Vee

A friend of mine was doing his first night of internship on an ER rotation in Kansas. There was a thunderstorm that night -- thunder and lightning lighting up the sky! He was at the reception desk of the ER, staring at the rain through the sliding glass doors. A lightning bolt lit up the parking lot, and he saw an incredibly macbre sight! A man came walking through the rain, carrying a limp, unconscious woman. But the truly bizarre thing was he appeared to have a hatchet protruding from his skull.

Yup! The guy got all likkered up and decided to try his hatchet-throwing skills by throwing at a target affixed to a cement wall in his basement. The hatchet hit the wall, bounced back, and embedded the sharp edge in the guy's skull. Frightened, he went upstairs to get his wife to drive him to the ER. She took one look at him and passed out. So he picked her up and put her in his pick-up truck to drive her to the ER.

Seems that the hatchet went right between the two lobes. It was successful removed and the guy was discharged without any discernable brain damage. (And ADDITIONAL brain damage!)

[CashewLPN]

Originally Posted by sandypinktruck

Gee, and i thought coat hangers were for opening car doors!!

I always thought you hung your coat on them.... wow, I never knew I was that naive.

[LilgirlRN]

Took care of one young woman who was going to have sex, didn't want to get pregnant so used a contraceptive suppository... only she put it in the wrong hole! She inserted it into the urinary meatus. I had to cath her for a urine and there was wax floating on the top of the urine when it cooled! Very painful indeed.

Had a man come in as a transfer from an outlying hospital to see one of our urologists. His GF caught him messing with another woman, grabbed his penis and almost pulled the thing off. When he got to us he had it wrapped in a two inch ace bandage, looked so funny... dunno if he regained full use of it or not. The GF was arrested for assault. (yes ETOH was involved, both parties)

I live in Alabama, we have a lot of tornadoes here. Had a really huge one a few years ago, was an F5, did lots of damage and some people were killed. Got a man in with a broom handle through both of his calves. Not a funny injury by any means but unusual. His wife was one of the victims that died.

I work in triage now and had a man come in , I asked what was wrong and he told me he had the craps, then says, ma'am I lied to you just now. I really don't have the craps, I have something up my butt that shouldn't be there. I asked what it was, he says I'll show ya. Pulls out a little zip up bag and out of it gets an 8 in tall, 6 in around egg shaped paper weight. As I am taking his surgical history he tells me he has a colostomy... I knew why he had to have a colostomy but I just wanted to hear him say it. So I said, did you have colon cancer, he said no, I put too many things up in there and I couldn't make my ******* stay shut no more. EEEEEEEEK!

[herminasgirl]

Originally Posted by LilgirlRN

Took care of one young woman who was going to have sex, didn't want to get pregnant so used a contraceptive suppository... only she put it in the wrong hole! She inserted it into the urinary meatus. I had to cath her for a urine and there was wax floating on the top of the urine when it cooled! Very painful indeed.

Had a man come in as a transfer from an outlying hospital to see one of our urologists. His GF caught him messing with another woman, grabbed his penis and almost pulled the thing off. When he got to us he had it wrapped in a two inch ace bandage, looked so funny... dunno if he regained full use of it or not. The GF was arrested for assault. (yes ETOH was involved, both parties)

I live in Alabama, we have a lot of tornadoes here. Had a really huge one a few years ago, was an F5, did lots of damage and some people were killed. Got a man in with a broom handle through both of his calves. Not a funny injury by any means but unusual. His wife was one of the victims that died.

I work in triage now and had a man come in , I asked what was wrong and he told me he had the craps, then says, ma'am I lied to you just now. I really don't have the craps, I have something up my butt that shouldn't be there. I asked what it was, he says I'll show ya. Pulls out a little zip up bag and out of it gets an 8 in tall, 6 in around egg shaped paper weight. As I am taking his surgical history he tells me he has a colostomy... I knew why he had to have a colostomy but I just wanted to hear him say it. So I said, did you have colon cancer, he said no, I put too many things up in there and I couldn't make my ******* stay shut no more. EEEEEEEEK!

You Know before I became a nurse I had no idea how sheltered my life had really been!!!!!!

[RN92]

I was in triage. A old man wearing overalls had paint all over his body. (thats not why he came) He said he had an accident at work. He was sawing some wood and accidentally cut his finger off. He's telling me this with a dumb grin on his face..he wasnt the least bit upset.!! He had wrapped a rag around the site and sure enough, there was no finger there - just a lot of bleeding. He was very apologetic for getting blood on my floor. (super sweet guy). The funny thing is he was using a HANDSAW!! Then he tells me this is the second time he's lost a finger with his handsaw. He asked if we could sew it back on? I asked if he brought it. He starts digging through all of the pockets on his overalls with his one good hand ( as if you'd forget where you put your lost body parts!!)He pulled his whole index (ex-index) finger out of the pocket and handed it to me - the guys still grinning. It amazes me how long some people make it in life. I suggested he find another line of work.

[RNin92]

Originally Posted by Farkinott

from experience.................

You only ever chuck petrol on the fire once!

So sorry!!!

[danu3]

Originally Posted by ZAHMAN

Sexual experiences in the ICU.
I had a young lady with a cervical injury who was also hypersexual. Well, she rang her call light when her nurse was busy so I went into her room. I asked her what she needed, to my surprise she replied " I want you to F*$# me". With a straight face I replied, "Thats not appropriate". Being quick witted as she was she replied, "Your right, will you make love to me". I had no reply after that, just a good laugh.

ZAHMAN

Probably the following answer will help "I am sorry Ms, that is outside the bounds of my professional responsibility. The service you requested was not part of the nursing school's training."

-Dan

[Hellllllo Nurse]

Originally Posted by danu3

Probably the following answer will help "I am sorry Ms, that is outside the bounds of my professional responsibility. The service you requested was not part of the nursing school's training."

-Dan

I like a line Anthony Hopkins' character used in the movie "The Remains of the Day"-

"I'm sorry, I cannot be of assistance in this matter."

Then, EXIT!

[medsurgnurse]

A guy came into urgent care clininc with a stingray injury.
After he is treated and the pain is controlled, I naturally ask about the circumstances of the injury. He said 'well we caught a stingray, and my girlfirned took a picture of me holding it.' I say 'and did it sting you?' ' nope' he said ' It was after I handed it to my girlfriend so I could take a picture of her holding it, when she handed it back to me for another picture...... that's when it stung me.'