[JUSTYSMOM]

Originally Posted by ZAHMAN

Sexual experiences in the ICU.
I had a young lady with a cervical injury who was also hypersexual. Well, she rang her call light when her nurse was busy so I went into her room. I asked her what she needed, to my surprise she replied " I want you to F*$# me". With a straight face I replied, "Thats not appropriate". Being quick witted as she was she replied, "Your right, will you make love to me". I had no reply after that, just a good laugh.

ZAHMAN

Was she good looking at least?

[teeituptom]

Originally Posted by JUSTYSMOM

Was she good looking at least?

Who has time as your bolting for the door to get out of that room

[laughnsmile]

My patient's roommate in bed #2 was reeeaaaly loud and obnoxious... the type of patient who answers the questions bed #1's doc is asking bed #1 (when was your last BM? Oh he had a BIG one yesterday!!!) Anyways one day I just got the inkling to ask him exactly HOW his HUGE case of cellulitis came to be. (His BLE were red, cracked and oozing). He got very quiet and red and told me that, well, he has a hard time scratching his lower legs since his belly sticks out so far, and sometimes he just has to grab what's close and scratch them. He said one day he was in the bathroom sitting on the pot, and got that itchy feeling again, and you guessed it! First thing he grabbed was the toilet brush. AAahahahahAHAha!!! He must not have seen how hard I was laughing cause he continued to tell me he scratched them till they bled.

[Gompers]

Stupid, funny injury that happened to me the other day...

Was using one of those hair remover creams on my legs, and decided to do my underarms as well. The bottle said, "Do not use on face" but otherwise said it was for the rest of the body. Well, I guess my underarms are pretty darn sensitive, because a minute into the treatment they started burning. I got the cream off as quickly as I could, but the damage was done. I chemically burned the top layer of skin off the middle of both pits. Let me tell you, a lovely place to have a painful burn it is not! Very embarrassing.

[herminasgirl]

We had a young man who arrived in the wee hours of the morning with his Senior class ring stuck on his penis. Even funnier was the fact that he passed by two larger EDs in his home town to drive thirty miles to our rural one!

Another one I remember well was a gentleman who inserted a wire coathanger in himself through his rectum. Once inside it had more room to open up and less to come out. When I went into his room he told me he knew he would need surgery because he had done this before! The xray was amazing!

[Mary Austin]

Ah yes, the joys of nursing....this may be more sad than funny. Admitted a guy who ran out of veins for heroin so he injected into the scrotum. His scrotum was the size of a football and rather painful. The surgeon doing the I & D was just beside himself knowing he had to do surgery on this. It takes all kinds to make the world spin!

[shinerchia]

Sharpee pen cap in a pt's bladder. We called UA/CS results to follow a pt and she stated she knew that she had a foreign object in her bladder and that might account for the MRSA in her urine. She shoved large objects in her urethra it seems.


And here i've been using it for elimination all of these years!

[ameriarmybrattLPN]

Originally Posted by shinerchia

Sharpee pen cap in a pt's bladder. We called UA/CS results to follow a pt and she stated she knew that she had a foreign object in her bladder and that might account for the MRSA in her urine. She shoved large objects in her urethra it seems.


And here i've been using it for elimination all of these years!

This one doesn't make me laugh it makes me HURT. Yee-ouch!

[hipab4hands]

Originally Posted by Stitchie

Once again, stupidity/ETOH = job security!

How about our frequent flier-a known alcoholic--ran out of beer. He and a friend decide to find a free source of alcohol. Light bulb goes on in our frequent fliers head, who decides to make a run to the local morturary, because they know they have alcohol there in the form of embalming fluid.
Frequent Flier and friend break into the morturary, steal embalming fluid, and have themselves a drinking party.
Frequent Flier ends up in the ER. with poisoning and makes a complete recovery.

(Although I always wanted to know what kind of shape his liver was in.)

[sandypinktruck]

We had a young man who arrived in the wee hours of the morning with his Senior class ring stuck on his penis. Even funnier was the fact that he passed by two larger EDs in his home town to drive thirty miles to our rural one!

Another one I remember well was a gentleman who inserted a wire coathanger in himself through his rectum. Once inside it had more room to open up and less to come out. When I went into his room he told me he knew he would need surgery because he had done this before! The xray was amazing

Gee, and i thought coat hangers were for opening car doors!!