[rph3664]

Originally Posted by swansongzoso

First of all this never came to mind when I heard the word "fracture" but apparently it happens! I have had two patients with this diagnosis and the last one being the "funniest"?

I had a male patient come in and states, "My penis is HUGE!" I take a couple steps back and ask him to repeat himself. Again he says the same thing. He says he needs the Dr to come take a look at it right away because it is just HUGE!...NO PROBLEM...off to get the the MD.

Doc comes back out, says, "He fractured his penis!" HUH??

So then the pt. girlfriend comes back to the room, the patient gives the details of "Me and my lady were...well...you know...and then I felt a pop!"

So in the meantime, the secretary is taking a phonecall at the desk and transferring it to the patients room, he picked up and there was no one there....

The secretary says, the patients WIFE just called from her cellphone and was frantic because a friend of the patients just called her and told her the patient was in the ER but she didnt know why...

Guess who shows up!

Needless to say, security had to get involved!

Let that be a lessen to them boys that think they are getting away with somethin'!

How did the patient's friend find out? If s/he was a hospital employee, s/he could have lost their job, even before HIPAA.

[rph3664]

Originally Posted by LoriAlabamaRN

When I was working at a local hospital, one of our human resources secretaries managed to amputate half of her pointer finger by slamming it shut in a file cabinet drawer. They were able to reattach it, but how she managed to completely cut it off that way, I have no idea.

I have a friend who did this to the tip of a pinky finger. Thing is, it grew back because it was cut off beyond the base of the nail; it doesn't look like the one she was born with but it has a complete nail.

She told me later that the first few days, she took the maximum dose of Darvocet, and for the breakthrough pain took the maximum dose of Tylenol. I nearly blew out her eardrum going "WHAAATTTTTT?" and she said, "Oh, is that dangerous?"

Yes, extremely! But it was just for a short time, so her liver probably rebounded.

[rph3664]

Originally Posted by DNRme

Had a 50 something man come in after thinking that the vacuum might be pleasant to use "you know where." Unfortunately, he didn't use the hose of the shop-vac, thought there would be better suction if he was closer to the motor. He's not half the man he used to be. Wound up somehow being picked up by national news service!! (yes, ETOH was involved)

I remember this story.

[rph3664]

Originally Posted by Dr. Scully

[/b]Attached to his crotch area by duct tape was a very large "zucchini"....!!! When he finally woke up and was able to talk; he was totally embarrassed by the zucchini lying on his bedside table!!

Ever seen "This Is Spinal Tap"? There's a scene where the band is going through an airport metal detector, and it goes off when Derek, the bass player, passes through. He gets wanded, and it squawks when it's passed over his private area. The security guard says, "Do you have any artificial limbs or plates?" He replies, "Not exactly" and proceeds to unzip his pants and extricate a zucchini wrapped in aluminum foil.



This scene is immediately followed by Nigel Tufnel playing a lovely classically influenced piano number called "Lick My Love Pump".



But that's nowhere near as funny as the drummer who choked on vomit. (people in theater: "EWWWWWW!") But it was actually someone else's (people in theater: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!") vomit that he choked on. Unfortunately, Scotland Yard did not have the facilities to identify whose vomit it was. It's not like fingerprints; you can't dust for vomit.

[twinmommy+2]

Last week I had a lovely older lady who wears dentures

she came in for swelling in her mouth and tongue

She got mixed up a little...between the denture paste and icy hot

she was laughing as much as we were