[Jen2]

Had a bad day and would like to have some fun. Thought I would try to put together a disclaimer upon signing into the ER that almost sounds professional enough to hand patients.


Thank you for choosing __________ hospital for your emergency care. You have rights as a patient (list patients rights). We also have rights as a facilty to protect you while you are here in our care. We are unsure how long your wait time will be as our patients are seen on level of acuity and not time entering the department. We are seeing ambulance patients as well as patients comming off of helicoptors at any given time through out the day. Please place your cell phones in the box located beside the triage area. You may pick them up upon discharge or we will get it for you if you are admitted. There may not be no more than two visitors at your bedside at any given time. We reserve the right to remove anyone from your bedside that is being disruptive to your care. If you leave your exam room for any reason other than testing purposes, you will need to be re-triaged and made to wait again. We will try our best to make this experience as pleasable as possible for you. Once we get your emergency taken care of we will make every attempt to make you as comfortable as possible. Please do not stand in the hall way once you are in your exam room, all of our patients have a right to their confidentiality and this will not in any way expedite your care any faster. Thanks for your understanding and cooperation.

AKA: I don't know how long it will be before you get seen. You have had that ingrown toenail for 3 weeks and it's not more important than the patient I just took back in the wheel chair. I don't care that you have been waiting for 3 hours and no I will not tell you what was wrong with that patient because the law will not allow me. If youre in your room and text messege all of your sorority sisters on how cool it is that you are in the ER getting I.V. fluids because you are dehydrated from out drinking/vomiting all night than you are not sick enough to be here. If you leave your room every 5 minutes to go outside amd smoke than you are not sick enough to be here. I am a pack a day smoker myself and laid in one of these beds for 8 hours with appendicitis and never once thought about a cigarette. Your second cousin here kids and here two sister-in-laws can kindly wait in the waiting room. You do not need that much family support for your genital warts. I understand that you are tired, sick, hungry, and cold, however once I get your BP above 60 systolic I will get you a warm blanket, call your sister in Florida for you and something to eat if you are allowed. If by any reason you find it necessary to stand in the hallway and stare at me, you will be introduced to the #16 or #14g angiocath so that I may give you the Toradol for your back pain.

Whew I feel better.

[bethin]

Originally Posted by Jen2

If you leave your exam room for any reason other than testing purposes, you will need to be re-triaged and made to wait again.

What if they have to go to the br?

Glad you feel better. I think pts should have to sign that when they get triaged.

[Dixielee]

Great thoughts! I have said and thought the same things myself....many times.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could put a sign in the triage window that says:

CUT TO THE CHASE....WHY ARE YOU REALLY HERE?

WHAT WOULD IT TAKE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY AND GET YOU OUT OF HERE?

IF YOU ONLY WANT VICODIN, THEN JUST ASK, DON'T ASK THE TAXPAYERS TO SPEND THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS ON YOUR CT OR MRI. IF THE DOC IS ACCOMODATING, YOU WILL GET IT, IF NOT, THEN IT IS A TORADOL SHOT AND YOU ARE OUT OF HERE.

IF YOU ARE RECEIVING DISABILITY CHECKS AND COME IN BECAUSE YOU EITHER FELL OUT OF A DEER STAND, FELL OFF YOUR ROOF OR A LADDER, OR WERE COMPETING IN A MOTOCROSS EVENT....GET A JOB!

AND REMEMBER OUR MOTTO: YOU GOTTA BE TOUGH IF YOU ARE GONNA BE STUPID!!

Signed, Your friendly ED staff.

[firstaiddave907]

thats is very good and a little bit humorous

[Nurseboy1]

Originally Posted by bethin

What if they have to go to the br?

That's what God made the Foley catheter for

[RunnerRN]

Originally Posted by Nurseboy1

That's what God made the Foley catheter for

LOL
In our new ED, we have little under cabinet toilets in every room. Oh yes!

You can add this one:
DUE TO THE FACT THAT YOU ARE COMPLAINING OF CHEST PAIN, PLEASE EXPECT TO HAVE AT LEAST 3 PEOPLE POUNCE ON YOU ON ARRIVAL TO THE ROOM. AND YES, TREATMENT OF CHEST PAIN GENERALLY INVOLVES AN IV.

[EmerNurse]

Thank you for this - I just came off the triage night from hell and I have another tonite (and 2 more afterwards). I am USED UP. There is just NOTHING LEFT right now - I hope a good days' sleep renews me. I can't even detail the night - only that it went on and on and I am one tough Italian but I could have cried on the way home, just from the stress of it.

Do you think they put you in triage because they HATE you? Is it to keep you away from everyone else? Is it PUNISHMENT? Sure, felt like it last night - maybe they hated me last night and that's why I'm in triage again tonite? Do they put the crappy nurses in triage to be mean?

Ok I did mention that I'm used up right now, I'm sorry. Please throw some humor and enouragement my way. I sure could use it. I'm beyond beat up, but I know I can always find support and a few hugs and a lot of humor around here. Everyone at work is used up right now so none of us seem to even want to TALK about it <sigh>

And just so I didn't just horribly hijack this thread, can we add to the disclaimer that if the triage nurse ceases to smile, if her eyes glass over, and her voice becomes monotone, this is NOT the time to **** her off by interrupting a patient interview to ask about your superficial cut?

Love ya all - keep the humor (and a few hugs) coming. Please. Pretty please.

[Altra]

{{Hugs}} EmerNurse!

[CritterLover]

Originally Posted by EmerNurse

Do you think they put you in triage because they HATE you? Is it to keep you away from everyone else? Is it PUNISHMENT? Sure, felt like it last night - maybe they hated me last night and that's why I'm in triage again tonite? Do they put the crappy nurses in triage to be mean?

I call it "Purgatory."

Get some good sleep, maybe tonight will be better.

[Jen2]

We call triage the Penalty Box or Tragedy instead of triage because everyone has a tragedy. Management actually tells us that we shouldn't think that way becasue only the best nurses get to work triage. Sometimes it feels like a punishment though.