[RNSurf]

Well ... some of you may find this amusing. I am a new nurse beginning a second career in the ED. I just got off 90-day orientation as a GN and now am on 90-day orientation as a new RN. I was told at my review that I need to "socialize" more at work especially with the nightshift so that I can build bonds and be able to function with them as a team. I can honestly say in all of my work career, I have never been told to socialize at work more. Some of those night people in the ED can be pretty intimidating so I've just been trying to keep my mouth shut, MYOB, and take care of my patients. Now I'm being told it doesn't work that way in the ED. Of course, I have less of a problem with the day shift and mid-shift personnel because I oriented as a GN on days with a preceptor, but the night shift has worked together for a long time and I'm feeling it's not easy to fit in. Apparently they think my not talking or socializing very much is a road block to building trust. The Charge Nurse at night thinks I am focusing a little too much on my patients and not enough on team dynamics. I responded that I am very focused on learning to do my job at this time ... on how to do the tasks correctly; I'm just trying to get comfortable as a new nurse. I guess the nightshift personnel think I'm stand-offish. What I really feel is that I am still scared of a lot of things right now, I don't feel like I totally fit in, some people seem like they are a little grumpy, and I try to stay out of everyone's way.
So ... help me out a little with some advice. What do I need to do? It's a problem to drink on the job and besides I don't drink at all so I can't very well loosen up with a few shots of Tequila before I go to work (ha!ha!). Should I start baking some goodies to bring in? No one has the same hobbies or sports interest as I do so I don't want to drive them crazy talking about it. I guess I could take some pictures to show of my family or something but how boring is that for other people? I had Dale Carnagie's book once on "How to Win Friends and Influence People" but must have sold it in a garage sale ... obviously it didn't work for me anyhow. From what I remember it was just a lot about remembering people's names and acting like you liked someone even if you didn't. Don't get me wrong ... I still have work to do on fine tuning assessment skills, time management, prioritizing, and critical thinking as a new nurse but those are things I have a clue about how to handle.
I can picture all of you chuckling at this point but before you get carried away with the belly-laughs throw me a bone or two if you have some insight. Somebody shoot me.

[Larry77]

You hit the nail on the head....BAKE COOKIES!!! You will do well to bring in treats and just have conversations with the others maybe about their kids or hobbies. Also ask questions about their patients and lend a hand when possible making beds or emptying laundry bins. Hustling and food will earn you the most points. You will do well I can tell just by the fact that you care and want to learn

[Cherish]

LOL charm school...funny show. Sorry I can't really help you because I have not been put in your predicament. I can suggest not to participate in gossip. Oh and if YOU want to bring in some donuts or a cheese deli plate that might help. Only if you want to though, I wouldn't let anyone force me to please anyone, if you know your doing your job right and are not hurting anyone mentally or physically then it's all good.

Some people are more shy then others and some people just stick to their jobs and do not think to make bestfriends at work. I have no problem with either people. Plus your new there is no reason why they think that automatically you would buddy up and be best pals with everyone.

Oh yea congrats on being a Nurse...Yippee, I hope to be where you are in 2 yrs.

[Noryn]

I think it is way too early to expect you to fit in perfectly. True trust and teamwork takes time to build (much longer than 90 days), as a new nurse you have a lot to learn and your peers/nurse manager should realize this. When I went into the ER, I hated the older nurses. They were set in their way, hateful, etc but over time these older nurses became great friends and co-workers and I still call them when I need a reference

My honest advice for you is to just be yourself. I think it will come together over time. You may not like everyone and vice versa but always be there for your co-workers whether it is an abusive or critical pt. Have their back and people generally respond well to that.

It is important to fit in but at the same time sometimes it just isnt meant to be. When I went to work in another ER there were several young people and they all tried to get me to go to games, bars, etc (after work). And they always wanted to hug each other, I swear people laugh at me but they were the huggingest (not a word) bunch of people I have ever seen. And generally I would look at them like, "if you think about trying to hug me I will punch you." I did end up leaving but if the only complaint you have is this, you are in good shape.

Be sure to tell your nurse manager that in the future you will try harder to play well with others.

[traumaRUs]

I love your sense of humor and you write so well! You could work in my ER anytime! I think what they are talking about is looking outside your own patient load. Like, if an acute MI comes in, do you just slide on over there and assist the primary nurse to place the leads, get an IV started, do some charting? That is considered team play in the ER. Other things: if you are responsible for stocking, do you do it as a group? Sometimes that helps with the boring aspects of the job.

I think this is what they mean. Other things might be to ask advice about a certain patient...what would another nurse have done? Also, if you missed the boat in a diagnosis, what signs/symptoms could you have looked for!

Good luck.

[EDValerieRN]

See, this frustrates me so much. You are a grown woman, with a career. There is no way you should have to bring in brownies to be respected on the team. Do you think your coworkers would expect a new male nurse to do so? Never. I see your frustration for not fitting in, but I'm a firm believer that work is not a place for socialization. Granted, it took me about a year to really fit in with my coworkers, but they knew I was a good nurse, and they trusted me on the patient-care aspect of things. Just let your nursing speak for you, and don't worry about making friends. Easier said than done I guess....

[RunnerRN]

I work evenings, so I do a little with days and a lot with nights. You're right - night shifters in the ED are very team oriented and a little cliquey. I like the idea of making cookies, but mainly you just need to jump in and do what you can. If there is a trauma coming into someone's room, ask them to tell you about their other patients so you can keep an eye on them. Let your personality shine through - you're obviously an upbeat and funny person! They're also looking to see if they can trust you when the poo starts flying. Ask questions. Every shift has unspoken leaders. Find out who is good at what, and ask them for help. I'd also talk with your preceptor and ask if there's anyone you can look to as a mentor on your shift.
Good luck!

[llg]

As someone who has coordinated many orientations over the years, I have found myself giving new employees the same sort of feedback on a few ocassions. Nursing is a "team" activity, not a solo one, and it is very important to establish those positive relationships. Some new employees (new grads or not) have trouble understanding that. They believe they should be able to just focus straight ahead on their tasks and not look left or right. But that is not what is necessary for a smooth-functining team.

I have also moved several times in my life and I know what it is like to be the new kid on the block and feel socially awkward. I'm not exactly sparkly and the life of the party either.

I also don't believe that anyone should be pressured to bake food for their work colleagues or buy them gifts.

Here is what I have found works for me.

1. Start by smiling and looking people in the eye and say things like, "Good morning" "Good evening" "please" "excuse me" etc. You would be surprised at what a big difference that alone can make -- and it doesn't cost much!

2. Then add an ocassional sentence to your greeting, such as ... "Boy, is it raining out there!" or "I"m glad I made it on time tonight. Traffic was really terrible!" You can also compliment people on what they're wearing or how nice their hair looks, etc. Just make those sorts of little comments a few times during each shift and people will start to see you as someone who is making and effort to be friendly.

3. Inquire about your coworkers' personal lives -- but just a little and about topics that are unlikely to be embarrassing. "Have you always worked in this department?" One of my personal favorites (that I still use regularly) is "Do you have any special plans for the weekend?" (or for the holiday, or whatever) "Did you have a good weekend?" "Did you have to work this past weekend or were you off?" You can ask some variation of that question almost any day of the week except maybe Wednesdays. There is always a weekend that just passed or is just coming up. And if people don't want to tell you about their activities, they can just say "No, nothing special. How about you?"

4. As you figure out who the nice ones are, ask them for some advice. Most people like giving advice. Just look at all the responses people get to their questions on this board! Say, "I thought you might be a good one to ask ... Can you give me a few tips on how to ....?" "Thanks, I appreciate that. That will help."

5. Find opportunities to offer them a little help. "Can I give you a hand with that?" "Is there anything I can do?" are very useful phrases. As a new grad, that may be difficult -- but it's something you should make a special effort to do at least once-in-a-while. It's less important that you actually have much help to offer than it is to be seen as being willing to help when you can.

In other words, make a little small talk and be a pleasant addition to their team. Make a point to say or do something social/helpful at the beginning of each shift ... sometime in the middle of each shift ... and as you are all getting ready to leave. (unless, of course, there are emergencies and it would be inappropriate at that moment.) Consistency in maintaining a friendly attitude is more important than volume of things said or done. Then with a little time, you will all be more comfortable with each other.

Good luck.

[RNSurf]

Thank you so much.
I think the suggestions are great and will work for me ... after all I do want to be part of the team not an outsider looking in. I happen to have brownies in the oven as we speak because I'm scheduled to work tomorrow; they're the really good ones with marshmallow creme and drizzled fudge for topping. I'm better one on one than with group dynamics so plan to pick a new person each night to strike up a conversation with over the next 30 days. I do need to start jumping in there with the codes. Maybe I'll even bring a few photos to pin up on my locker. This forum is great and so are all of you ... I know it will just take time for me to feel more comfortable.

[swelmorphis]

It is important, especially with a close knit team of workers, that the new person is a good "fit". Perhaps that is what your manager was getting at. You may want to ask more specific questions about how to be more effective at the social part of your particular team. Oh...and those brownies you described...can't go wrong with those!!