Long time, no time. working 24/7.Missed you!!! Read some postings as a guest.
Yes..to everything. Do this, go here, do that, be quicker, threats to address problems of staff members poor time management. "What do you mean you didn't have a break..lets talk about it.." "Why do you spend so much time with families?" "You let that family manipulate you, its your responsibility to control your patients and familie..." "be more compassionate..take time to communicate with your patients" "We provide a service, and we must always think in terms of providing excellent care"
We have a policy of scripting, you must.."and then we are "educated" on how to introduce ourselves to our clients. When finished providing our "service" we are encouraged to ask the patient or who ever if there is anything else we can do and we hope we provided excellent service....
I wanted to resign Saturday, June 7!!

I am over all of this b...s...! I have had it. Considering how much I Love my ICU, my "people" representing every aspect of a large hospital, I feel as if we are simply cogs in the wheels of a large health care facility. We are not people, we are tools. It is amazing how those who don't work in the trenches, so to speak, have no idea what it is we, the people, actually do.
Hour long staff meetings where no one wants to say anything

since this inevitably leads to another 30 minute lecture. Then some wonder why we are behind. Physicians who can't find and RN because we are sitting somewhere, often times like dummies, glassy eyed, mind numbed, wondering when this unscheduled staff meeting will ever end. Lately I just walk away, I have stopped caring, not about my people or my patients and families..oh no...
We recently completed some sort of survey to find out how we feel about, well, just about everything. Last years was a nightmare..asking the same questions over and over again, sometimes the same questions, just written in different ways, over and over and over.
AND THIS WAS MANDATORY. And this is abuse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the first time ever in my professional life I replied in the negative to nearly every question, or just mildly negative. My colleagues state that they did the same thing. Last years insulting survey contributed to these responses.
One more Magnet Star reference and I will detonate.
I sing a little song. It is generally greeted with laughter
I'm a Magnet Star, I'm a Magnet Star

No matter where you are
no need to travel far
'cause now we're all Magnet Stars
How old are we????
I am in crisis. personally and professionally. I just want to be the nurse that I am and that has worked exceedingly well for me over the last 28 years. I am in no need of a novice administrator telling me how to be a member of the latest fad in nursing. I AM NOT A MAGNET STAR..I AM AN INDIVIDUAL, I AM A PERSON, ABOVE ALL I AM A NURSE!!
I will miss morning break and lunch if it is indicated. I will continue to be available to my patients and families 24/7 while they are still in my unit. I will continue to buy food for them and give them my dvd player and movies. If I want to go to a patient's funeral, I will do so. No one can tell me how to be compassionate. I am a seething cauldron of emotion and love trying to understand and feel the pain and fear my patients feel.
I cried all day yesterday because of the death of two patients and the expected death of a third. two were mine. Their family's were mine, their pain was mine and their loss was mine. No one can tell me how to do anything different. Yes, they all have my cell phone number and I do speak with who ever calls me. I am crying now as I write this
As I have written here in this forum before.. I am what I do, I do what I am. When those who want to improve the quality of care of our patients and by extension their familys understand what I do, accept it, perhaps embrace it, then I will accept advice from my "betters".
I don't need to do any overtime. I refuse. We were informed that once we clock out, we need to, as quickly as possible, leave the floor. Get out and Get off. Do not pass GO and God forbid you forget something and have to come back, you'll be questioned.
Lately no one is observing this. We all just seem to hang out and speak with our friends/colleagues.
We wear uniforms/scrubs of our choice now..clean and neat, shoes clean. Heck..maybe I'll buy a teletubby color scrub.

Passive resistance has grown. Discontent and anger hum softly just beneath the surface.
Bad things were done to two excellent staff members who had the misfortune of getting sick.
What is happening?
I feel like the bewildered characters in the strange movie Pleasantville, as change occurs, not necessarily bad, but in such a way that the affected black and while characters could not adjust to the speed of the change.
I fall asleep

driving home from work, oncoming headlights seen through my closed eyelids are the only indication that I have fallen asleep driving.
I once woke up asleep in my truck in my driveway after work and had no memory of driving home. I pull over to the side of the road and take a catnap just long enough to get me home without causing an accident.
I am exhausted and yet can't seem to get to bed before 2 a.m every night. Here I am at the barn writing this and its very late, 0110 hrs. I still have to drive home, but I am wide awake at this time.
So..what to do...
I'm gonna do what I always do..take care of those that God chooses to put in my hands and just do the best that I can do.
Fads rise and fade then go away. Some come back another day.
I've started provigil.
Eeka End Game, RN
P.S Hey, won nurses week 2008 exemplar contest. Submitted two. Won't go to Utah this October (prize). I don't travel well. Not that far for two days. My horses will miss me.
P.P.S Got a baby bull calf..so cool!! Hes really little. Never had a bovine before.
Not everything is bad.