[BradleyRN]

It is an inevitable course we are on. One day, most of our parents will wind up in a nursing home. Their care just becomes too demanding for their children who have jobs and families and simply not enough time to handle it all. I have seen a lot of guilt from family members over the years for doing this, yet the decisions they made are no fault of their own. Would you feel comfortable with putting your loved ones in a nursing home?

[ShayRN]

Completely depends on the nursing home. But I would do everything I could to avoid putting my mom in a nursing home.

[nightmare]

As one who has worked in a Nursing Home for years I would say no,....but...who knows what is in front of us.I guarantee that,asked that question,90% of relatives with elders in a Nursing home would have answered 'no' as well a few years ago.So my answer would be 'no' I would not be comfortable with it but it might become necessary.

[earle58]

no, i would not feel comfortable...
unless i personally knew of a ltc facility that had a superior reputation with a lot of focus on personal and social interaction.
and those facilities are a rarity.
staffing would have to be more than acceptable, with all the staff being genuinely concerned for the well-being of our elderly.
nope, not going to happen.
thankfully i have one parent who has died and another who i haven't spoken to in years.
no worries here.
and, my kids know how to deal with me, should the time come that i can no longer care for myself.
and it won't be in a ltc facility, or in any of my kid's homes.
they know what to do...

leslie

[Suesquatch]

Barring dementia in an ambulatory person or being a danger to others, no one I love will go into a nursing home.

And many stay alive so long because they are in nursing homes getting care they shouldn't have to live another miserable day.

[Suesquatch]

Nope. And I won't.

[racing-mom4]

Would I feel comfortable? No, but would I if I had to, yes. I would though make sure I visited on a regular basis, kept thier room homey looking and always kept out a big dish of candy for the staff---that sounds so corney, but I have worked in a NH before and I had the honor to meet one family member of a patient we all loved. She always had a candy dish out and kept it filled with all sorts of goodies, she said that way she could gaurentee her mom was getting checked on alot and getting lots of smiles each day...I know bribary is bad, but ya know what, it works. Her mom did get a lot of staff stopping in each day to swipe a sweet treat and we always would take a moment to chat with her, get her more water, change the channel on her TV. etc et etc.
It was a win win...of course the patient her self was a peach and we all loved her even if she didnt keep us happy with mini snickers and skittles.

[CCarpeDiem]

Well, my grandmother had alzheimer's and one of my aunts took care of her until about maybe a week or two before she died.

If my mom had alzheimer's, I honestly couldn't handle it. I would put her in THE best nursing home and visit her a lot but it would just be too much for me to deal with on a 24/7 basis. I love my mom to death and I know she wouldn't fault me for it.

I love my dad a lot as well and if he had a chronic condition or something like that, I'd put him in the best one as well.

Hopefully I won't have to make a choice like this and my parents will be able to live by themselves up until the end (like 40 years from now...or more) and just die in their sleep.

::crosses fingers::

[CT Pixie]

I guess it would depend on the nursing home.

In general though, I'd fight tooth and nail to keep my mother-in-law out of a nursing home and home with me and my dh. I love that woman to pieces and would do anything for her, as she would and does for me.

My mother on the other hand, I'd send to a home in the blink of an eye. (long story..suffice it to say, she wasn't there for me as a child and while growing up, isn't now nor will she ever be, so I have no feelings toward her that would want me to keep her with me.) She isolated herself from me and my sister, living her life and it was all about her and what she wanted, never about what her children not only wanted but NEEDED, so the way I see it she made her bed, she can lie it it...alone.

[VivaLasViejas]

My father and mother passed away when they were still comparatively young (59 and 66 respectively), so I was never faced with this issue. But knowing what I do about nursing homes, I'd have to say NO WAY would I have put either of them in one. Nor will my sister or my husband ever go to an ICF if there's any possible way I can provide for them at home. I might consider assisted living or a memory care home if their needs were to become such that they would pose a danger to themselves or others in the house, but not a nursing home.

I hope no one who works in a nursing home is insulted by my saying this; but believe me, I've worked in both "good" facilities and poor ones, and with the tremendous hassles of paperwork, chronic understaffing, and lockstep routines, they all are pretty much the same. The only nursing home I would EVER consider for a loved one or myself would be one that uses an Eden Alternative/Culture Change approach to care; unfortunately, these are few and far between.