[traumaRUs]

To the OP: I have re-read the thread and don't find any personal attacks, rather a sincere concern for you. Dating an inmate is dangerous - at least this is what I get from these answers.

[nursbaybie]

Originally Posted by Blackcat99

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Yes that is very sad. I am very worried about any woman who gets involved with inmates. I have heard many sad stories of women getting ripped off by inmates. My friend the social worker met her husband at the prison where she was working. They married and he was a "great guy" while he was in prison. When he got out he started drinking again and then was beating up on the social worker. She had to sell her home and leave to get away from the maniac. I also knew a nurse who got marrried to an inmate with a life sentence. She divorced him because he had too many other "lady visitors." I also heard about a "defense Lawyer" who married an inmate. They got to spend a night together in one of them "Trailers." On the night of their "honeymoon" he escaped from the trailer. That lawyer became the laughingstock of the town. She had to move far far away from that town to start over.

These are the stories i like to hear. Without someone calling me "a few cheerios shy of a full bowl" but telling me real life situations that happen, examples of exactly how a person can be conned and what the inmate is really after or what "could" potentially happen. I know that anything can happen, but to hear true stories of actual incidents brings a lot more consideration. When I first met this guy, I was ignoring everything I heard about it...saying, he doesnt' drink or use drugs so he won't go back to alcohol and/or drugs and be engage in acts provoked by the addicted mind, he isn't a rapist, molestor, murderer, assault committer, so he can't be planning an attack, so I couldn't honestly think of any reason he would want to deceive me other than maybe he honestly was tired of that life and wanted to start over and have someone there to support him. But I have read several inmate ads to receive pen pals and it seems they are all looking for a woman and a relationship for whatever reason. Could it be that they just want to get "hot, steamy" letters to get by in prison? and pictures? A place to go afterwords and get what they can get? It's really difficult for me to know if a person is different, especially since he (as well, i know, as several inmates claim) is now saved. Being a woman of faith, I know people "Can" change, but I guess there is no way to ever know for sure.

[danu3]

If you want to get involve, maybe make it so that after his release, you two will take say, 2 years, to get to know each other spiritually, mentally, and emotionally before any kind of commitment. And I do on purpose leave out the physically. 2 years because if he is going to con you, he is not going to wait that long (but one could always be wrong).

-Dan

[IDlvrM]

I wish I could give you advice on your question, but I have no idea what the rules are. I had a pt that I got kind of attatched to while she was on the antepartum unit for 6 wks, who wanted to exchange #'s and get together after her D/C, but I was uncomfortable with doing that. Something in the back of my mind (I think I remember something from nursing school) was telling me it was a no-no. So I didn't.

My biggest concern, however is for you. I guess I just don't understand-why this guy? If you want to end your marriage, so be it. But from someone who's been there, don't do it over another guy. End your marriage (not that I'm telling you to), have some time to yourself and then find someone wonderful. This man may be a great guy, but there are so many great guys out there who haven't been in prison. I am not judging him, God knows I have made mistakes in my past, but something tells me that you have so much to offer (after all, you're a nurse and we are pretty COOL people) SOMEONE, SOMEDAY.

Make your decision based on what you know, not your heart. There are situations that require making decisions from the heart, but this may not be one of them. Life is hard enough, but if you do decide to have a relationship with this man, people are going to be cruell and judgemental when/if they find out his past...just be prepared for tough times.

Best of luck to you in whatever you decide.

Danielle

[jailside]

In regards to the book, Games Criminals Play....look back to the second post in this thread from Nurse Ratched....she provides a link to "this book"


And I remember reading it and thinking, "Nooooo! It coulnd't possibly happen! So what! -so I gave some inmate preferential treatment...HE deserved it! He's different!...you won't see ME bringing in contraband! You won't see ME looking him up after his release! You won't see ME losing MY job...........I have seen it happen....and, more than once!

[rnmi2004]

Why would you become involved with a person when you know nothing about who he is? You only know him as he presents himself while institutionalized. There is a whole different set of behaviors that an inmate must adhere to. How is he going to behave "on the outside?"

It makes me sad to see yet another spouse put time and energy into pursuing a relationship outside marriage instead of fighting for the relationship you now have. My marriage was "doomed" and on the brink of divorce. After a lot of counseling, growing on both of our parts, and realization of the committment we had made, we are now best friends. If I had turned outside of my marriage and allowed myself to cultivate feelings for someone other than my husband--and there are a lot of guys out there with a sympathetic ear and a knowledge of just the right words to say--I wouldn't be happily married today.

[donmomofnine]

Originally Posted by nursbaybie

These are the stories i like to hear. Without someone calling me "a few cheerios shy of a full bowl" but telling me real life situations that happen, examples of exactly how a person can be conned and what the inmate is really after or what "could" potentially happen. I know that anything can happen, but to hear true stories of actual incidents brings a lot more consideration. When I first met this guy, I was ignoring everything I heard about it...saying, he doesnt' drink or use drugs so he won't go back to alcohol and/or drugs and be engage in acts provoked by the addicted mind, he isn't a rapist, molestor, murderer, assault committer, so he can't be planning an attack, so I couldn't honestly think of any reason he would want to deceive me other than maybe he honestly was tired of that life and wanted to start over and have someone there to support him. But I have read several inmate ads to receive pen pals and it seems they are all looking for a woman and a relationship for whatever reason. Could it be that they just want to get "hot, steamy" letters to get by in prison? and pictures? A place to go afterwords and get what they can get? It's really difficult for me to know if a person is different, especially since he (as well, i know, as several inmates claim) is now saved. Being a woman of faith, I know people "Can" change, but I guess there is no way to ever know for sure.

I also worked in a maximum security prison and I agree with all the advice here.
As a "woman of faith" then maybe you could put your faith to work as a tool to try to save your marriage I say that in all kindness, not to be mean. I don't think a "saved" man should be wanting to steal another man's wife, either.

[IDlvrM]

I posted a few days ago, but just so happened that I received the new Nursing Commission book from the BON in my state today and was thumbing through it when I came accross the laws that pertain to this very issue. It was VERY CLAER regarding the amount of time a nurse must wait. I won't go into my states details as there's a 1 in 50 chance that you don't live here. It was different for different situation, pt. in office, hospital vs. mental health, substance abuse (differnet waiting periods) I would refer the laws from your BON.
Danielle

[Nurse4years]

Don't understand everyone's problem. Calm down. Everyone in prison is innocent. Honest... just ask them.
They were framed.

(Unfortunately, there are some in prison who are not guilty.. as shown by DNA tests. So very sad.)

But, I gotta agree about the Cheerios. Don't be offended that we question your sanity. I can pinpoint the moment I questioned it, your very first sentence.

Run. Isn't life messed up enough, and hard enough without adding potential problems? How much stress DO you want?