can ANYBODY relate?!

I wrote before but could never find any response to my letter and I can't believe NOBODY had any opinions/experience with my, uh, experiences.

I'm an LPN for 23 years (read=not too young) and was diagnosed a year ago with ADHD. My first reaction to this idea was, "Oh hooey, so what?", then, when a psychologist friend and an attorney friend, both add-ers, insisted, I was tested and labeled, er, diagnosed. I began to read everything I could and light-bulbs started going on all over the place. I was put on Ritalin, 10 mg bid. It put me to sleep until I got used to it. Bad experience with the perscribing Dr. Blah, blah.

Finally, I ended up taking 46 mg of the stuff, qd, prn (I got a new Doc) and, WOW, what a difference!

Example: In nursing school, '79, I FAILED every #%$^$ clinical I did, (including emypying a bedpan!)at least once but ranked in the 93% of the nation on the state boards. A few months ago, on the Ritalin, I got the highest rating of all the nurses (I was later told) when the Pharaceutical company came in unexpectedly one day and followed us for a med-pass. Basically, everything I did was either very good or very,very lousy. Nothing in-between...

I could take written tests just fine, but competencies, forget it. I could move faster than the speed of sound, and some of my co-workers thought I was frantic, nervous, or just plain nuts. Or, all of the above.

I, normally, was like somebody on speed, no drugs involved. Tired, stressed, and overwhelmed with too much to do, as one often is on a med/surg floor, I would, occasionally, late in the shift, pick up my pen to chart something and write BACKWARDS without even realizing it until my pen hit the desk on the left-hand side of the chart. Perfect handwriting. I still can write backwards almost as well as I can write forwards. But on the Ritalin, I don't do that kinda stuff, anymore.

10 years ago, I decided to got for my ADN. I made it, somehow, through 2/3 of the ADN program and blew it when it came to Care Plans. I didn't have a clue as to how to handle piles of paper. They all looked alike. I made it through chemistry, anatomy, & physiology, and could NOT figure out the paper part of Care Plans!

I'm still no WhizKid at piles of papers but, on the Ritalin, I've learned how to get through it without making a huge mess. And I want to be an RN. I want to do what I'm doing now, working in Long Term Care, pm shift, only, being an RN there.

Does anybody out there know what I'm talking about? All the stupid mistakes on one hand, and, on the other, pulling off some things that, by all rights, I should have failed, and somehow, knowing there's a competent person inside of me that can still do whatever I need/want to do.

I was not stupid but I sure could make a mess out of things and nobody, including me, could ever quite figure out why.

I can take the Regents route and, with 6 classes and the test-out, be ready for the RN boards. But I'm afraid of something, & I can't put my finger on just quite what.

Anybody out there that can relate, or give an opinion?