This is my reality check.
I am a new LPN, hired to work on a part-time night, rotating weekend schedule on a secured unit. Since that initial four day orientation, I had one day oriented to the day shift and one day oriented to the evening shift in the same unit. I have really yet to work the schedule that I was hired to work, as they have had me working both days and evenings to fill in for staff vacation. I think this has helped me immensely in learning the ways of the unit and learning about the administrative side of nursing that school doesn't teach you. Has it been difficult? Yes. There are days that I feel I am able to do no more than a mean dog paddle.
After a month of working at this, I realize that I while I can strive to be perfect, I am never going to be a Superhero. I will make mistakes, and the best I can do is learn from them and not repeat them.
I realized I needed a serious conversation with myself. This conversation resulted in a reality check and a lifting of what has felt like a thick fog. It gave me insight to two very important points.
While the majority of my errors are on the side of administration and learning the paperwork process, a few of the mistakes I have made, I would NEVER have made two years ago if presented with them as a Paramedic. While in school, I was told to forget everything I knew about being an experienced Paramedic. "Being a Nurse is different than being a Paramedic." While this is in fact true, what I needed to understand was that I shouldn't forget, but adapt, meld and shape it so that it complements my new career.
I have had a serious case of Tunnel Vision. I had become so focused on trying to complete tasks in a timely manner, that in all honesty, not only did it make me lose sight of the big picture, it also made me less focused on what I needed to be doing.
I am still learning. I will make mistakes, I will learn from them and strive not to repeat them. My immediate supervisors and DON are supportive and I have co-workers that will throw me a life preserver when I need it. My friends cheer me on, and my family doesn't mind me complaining and ranting. When I need a good cry, my dog is there to show me a belly rub will fix it, at least for him.
This is my reality check. Not a pity party, not a woe is me. This is unique to me and no one else.
I will go to work today with fresh eyes and a new focus.