So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, and just so lost on what I should do. I've posted before on the roughness that is my career. I work in an ICU, graduated this past December. I had about 5 weeks of orientation, with the last 2 really being on my own. I feel like, for the most part, I'm smart enough to handle most situations. I'm working on DIM, will get ACLS next month, and will take ECCO this summer. So, I understand what I have been equipped to know (but feel almost useless in codes-besides giving compressions).
I really thought this job would have been so different, and that I would enjoy it because of my love for the human heart. But I just dread going in everyday, to the point of being in tears because I just don't want to go. We don't have near enough staff, I have at least 2 patients every night, with sometimes 4. I take any and every patient but the fresh open heart from that day (I'm not trained yet, and refuse to take them). The head cardiovascular surgeon hates a lot of the staff (him and his PA's have actually gotten people to leave before they were fired). I've seen what it does to the nurses, and I'm in so much fear that this will happen to me next, I'm next in line. There are a couple nurses who constantly say that they HATE new grads, I don't belong there, and I should just leave. They have tried to throw me under the bus many times. I'm depressed. I'm starting to regret my decision to become a nurse and that gets me like you can't even imagine.
So, I've tried applying elsewhere to no avail. I know what type of nursing I want to do, but know I must pay my dues. Except, one thing I love is mental health (most nurses give me the stink eye for this-whatever, it takes an amazing person to be there)
Sorry this is getting long-my point...I applied to a camp nurse position for the summer. They really want me. The pay isn't as good, but I love kids. I will gain experience in "triage, ER, peds" etc. It's only 2 months. When I get back, I will have nothing (assuming I will quit my job). I may have a very hard time finding something again. I really want to take the risk anyway. But my husband is right, we will have no benefits, and there will go a source of income. (I am a certified phlebotomist, so I can always try that route). Or work in a daycare or something. But I don't want to just throw my nursing career away. We had planned on me working Per Diem when the time is right to have children, so he will either pay for insurance or find a job with benefits at that time (1-2years).
So, any advice? What do you all think I should do? I really need an outsiders perspective. I do have about 2-3 applications out, and have been speaking with nurse recruiters. The camp position really wants my decision by early next week. I really am at a loss. I think I would go for it if my husband was game and we wouldn't lose my benefits. Help. And Thank you!