HERE IS MY STORY: I graduated in May with my BSN from a university, i was a good student..graduated with honors. I took the NCLEX in the summer and got my first job in a large hospital in december. I am working on a geriatric med-surg floor. When I found out I got the job i was so excited and happy, just where I wanted to start out to gain good experience. The first month (december) was fine, I had 3 weeks of in classroom learning and started on the floor with a preceptor the 4th week. I started with 1 patient and moved up from there (im now up to 5), Nurses on my floor can get up to 8 patients. I noticed my preceptor was very care-free and usually busy with her patients to even teach me things.
When january rolled around I had a meeting with my preceptor, manager, and my educator. My preceptor told them that I wasnt progressing as well as I should and also told them (infront of me) that she had high expectations from me cause i graduated from a good school and didnt think she would have to teach me even simple things. I went on to say that nursing school now is more on book theory, going to clinical once a week is not going to give us the experience we need to start on a busy med-surg floor and know what we are doing and feel comfortable. I also told them that i felt that i wasnt being taught well cause of how busy my preceptor was. My manager moved me to 8 hour shifts from 12hrs so i would be there 5 days a week instead of only 3 and experience more. I was devestated after this meeting, i felt incompetent and that I wasnt doing well. The 8 hour shifts were HELL..1) because they dont pay for our lunch so really we have to stay 8 1/2 hours and 2) by the time im done with all my documentation on my patients it is 10 hours a day 5 days a week. My manager told me to show motivation so she could see if there was "hope" or not. Can anyone agree with me that this would me emotionally and confidence draining on a NEW GRAD? I feel like my preceptor was watching every move i was making now. I would have her write down my progress after each shift, I would read it and it would be all negative things. Not one time have i been told good job or that I have improved on something, when I knew truly that I have been learning a lot and progressing. I've been depressed for weeks (i never suffered from depression before).
I had a meeting with my manager yesterday and she said I will be starting 12 hours shifts this week and that she is going to extend my orientation by 2 weeks (now i have a month longer) cause I am still not ready to be on my own. My manager told me that I interviewed unbelievably well and she knew it was going to be difficult to train a new grad but basically not this hard. She also proceeded to tell me that she was going to get rid of me a week or 2 ago but decided that there "might" be hope. I then broke down in her office and cried. She told me crying was normal and that other new comers have cried before cause it is a stressful place to work. They had new grads struggle in the beginning and end up OK. She told me she needs more motivation from me (10 hours/per day not enough)? I also stayed after clocking out one time to work on my IV skills, she mentioned that they cant keep giving to me and that it is a 2 way street. I don't know how much i've got left to give, I cry every day on the way home and everyday before going in. I love nursing, my patients love me..I truly think nursing is for me, maybe I am just in the wrong place? I feel like the pressure is on and that they are watching me closely, Im scared that I am going to get fired soon. Getting fired within 3 months of getting hired would probably make getting hired anywhere else 100x more difficult. I dont wanna sit home for a year and look for another job (i have student loans to pay!!) and also go through telling my friends and family that I have failed at my first job. I want to share with everyone what my experience has been like so far and I want to hear if some of you feel the same way or have gone through the same situation, i hope none of you are cause this really sucks.