hha01 -- You are definitely not alone. Many people have gone through what you are going through, and have ended up in better jobs and successful nursing careers. (Remember "Nurses eat their young"? It's true!) You are in a place where you are not getting the support you need to succeed. Rather than waiting to be fired, maybe you could be proactive and ask for a review of specific areas you need to improve in -- a written evaluation that you can use to measure and document your progress as a new nurse. Ask for extra help. If they are not willing to do that, it really is a bad fit for you. A good fit will be when you find a place that really nurtures and supports new nurses to succeed.
Having recently been through this and now in the job search
again, I know it's not easy. But don't give up your faith in yourself, just because someone else doesn't see all you have to offer. Down the line, someone will. Truly. It's not that big of a deal, even though it may seem like it at the moment. Everybody feels overwhelmed in their first year. Feels stupid, inept, and in some cases anxious, depressed, and hopeless. As others have said, it's normal. If they want to fire you, oh well... sometimes **** happens and there's nothing to be done for it.
I respect your determination and your desire to succeed. Having learned two languages in addition to your native one, you have demonstrated intelligence, persistence, determination, and diligence. Having made it through nursing school
, you have shown even more. Don't sell yourself short. Remember Eleanor Roosevelt's words: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Keep trying to do your best work every day and you won't need to be concerned about the opinions of others. (I'm saying this as much for myself as I am for you.) Know that you can and will succeed! Go for it!
Don't worry about finding your next job. When the time comes to do that, get the best advice you can on where to look and what to say. Most people recommend downplaying the reason for leaving so that you do not leave ANY negative impressions, neither about yourself nor about your former employer. It's tricky, so you will need experienced, wise helpers to advise you on exactly what to say in a job interview
. Your state unemployment office has employment counselors who can help you decide what to say about leaving a job after a short time (whether fired or just not happy there...). Other nurses and threads on this site also have had good suggestions. This is important. You will need a script and will need to practice it, so you're not tempted to deviate from it under stress! You have to project confidence in your ability to do the job so they believe it! (You must first believe it yourself. That's your next assignment!
Keep posting your progress here. I'll be interested in how you're doing!